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By Anonymous - 06/06/2013 12:38

Today, at the office, my most annoying client asked me to send her a document. I have now sent it to her over 5 times, in a different format each time, and every single time she replies with, "Not in the requested format". She won't tell me what the requested format is. FML

agreeclassic 52 356

vote type 1 4 414

By Anonymous - 05/10/2010 18:33 - United States

Today, I was kicked out of class for having a coughing fit. Yesterday, I was kicked out of class for sleeping, a side effect of my cough suppressant. Three absents from this class and I automatically fail. FML

agreeclassic 35 155

vote type 1 3 830

Pensu app_comment_confession_title

Pensu 12

Wednesday 6 October 2010 3:02

No, I wasn't forcing the cough; I've got bronchitis, I just get coughing fits that last for a while and can't control them.

By CharlieOrion - 04/05/2012 12:25 - United Kingdom - Northampton

Today, the school nurse called me in. She said she knew I was pregnant and she was worried about how it was affecting my grades. I'm not pregnant. Apparently I'm just stupid and fat. FML

agreeclassic 35 351

vote type 1 5 790

CharlieOrion app_comment_confession_title

CharlieOrion 7

Friday 4 May 2012 22:21

Hey, I'm OP- and I'm really not that fat! I've just gained weight quickly, cause I'm stressed about exams... This didn't really help much!

By Macy - 11/06/2011 20:36 - Italy

Today, I found cigarette butts at the bottom of the toaster. My mother has been dropping them in there for I don't know how long. FML

agreeclassic 35 966

vote type 1 3 380

By riahta - 06/08/2010 06:45 - United States

Today, I was playing a math game with a 4th grade boy (I'm a college graduate). I cheated during the entire game, and still lost 7 of the 9 rounds we played. FML

agreeclassic 10 047

vote type 1 46 540

By Anonymous - 02/04/2012 19:42 - United States

Today, in the midst of sleep, my boyfriend hurled my cellphone across the room and into the wall because he couldn't be bothered to pick up or hang up an incoming call. FML

agreeclassic 22 470

vote type 1 3 345

Picked

By sadsenior - 13/03/2009 21:09 - United States

Today, I was excited because I was going to get my college decisions back. I put all of the letters in order of my preference. Didn't get into my first choice. Denied from my second choice. Rejected from my third choice. Wait listed on my back-up. Accepted for a job at Target. FML

agreeclassic 73 610

vote type 1 10 086

Bad boys bad boys

By FuturePolice - 23/01/2012 09:56 - United States

Today, I was accepted into a police academy. I called my girlfriend of 2 years, who was supportive through the process. She promptly broke up with me, stating, "You'll be really busy in the academy, and I can't marry a police officer. Its a dangerous job." She then called me selfish for "doing this to us." FML

agreeclassic 38 960

vote type 1 3 604

By Sleep Deprived - 25/12/2011 05:27 - United States

Today, I was awoken by my wife, once again. It seems that whenever I stop snoring, she thinks I died so she has to wake me to make sure I'm still living. She does this almost every night, every hour. FML

agreeclassic 29 214

vote type 1 3 816

By Anonymous - 30/01/2010 14:25 - United States

Today, my boyfriend, of a year, got drunk and called me flat chested then said the reason he won't have sex with me anymore is because he is "used" to me. He said all of this in front of his friends. FML

agreeclassic 25 484

vote type 1 2 940

By MistressSuzuka - 21/09/2012 00:05 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I helped my friend, who is a slob, move out of my house. I found the source of the funky smell she's been complaining about, under her bed. It was her vibrator. I found it with my bare hands. I had to bleach my hands twice and I still don't feel clean. FML

agreeclassic 38 342

vote type 1 2 822

By FMeeee - 16/06/2014 18:50 - Portugal - Aveiro

Today, I decided to tell my family, including my husband, that I'm pregnant. Their reaction was basically a "meh" before returning to watching the World Cup. FML

agreeclassic 50 457

vote type 1 9 810

WTF are you doing?

By Anonymous - 13/03/2011 03:09 - United States

Today, while at the bakery section of my local supermarket, I heard the beat of what I assumed was a song playing. I really got into it, and bobbed my head and danced a little. After getting some strange looks, I realized the "beat" was a machine mixing frosting. FML

agreeclassic 13 940

vote type 1 41 681

By nevasurprised - 10/01/2012 14:50 - Germany

Today, I fell asleep in class. I'm the teacher; I've already given students detention for falling asleep in class this year. FML

agreeclassic 8 854

vote type 1 42 856

By Anonymous - 06/11/2012 02:48 - United States - Gainesville

Today, my best friend got engaged to the guy she's been seeing for five years. He also happens to be the man I've been in love with for eight. As she was giving me the details, she nonchalantly gave me her reason for accepting the proposal: "Why the hell not, there's always divorce." FML

agreeclassic 30 453

vote type 1 4 535

By drop dead single - 22/11/2014 13:44 - United States

Today, on our third date, my date tried to get me drunk and kept trying to touch me up. When I said he was moving too fast, he sighed and soon left. Just minutes later, he posted on Facebook saying "Just got friendzoned -_-". One of his friends commented: "I hate bitches, man." FML

agreeclassic 39 273

vote type 1 4 498

By EpicMayonnaise - 26/08/2011 07:35 - United States

Today, I went to a club. The only guy who asked me to dance introduced himself as "Bird Dog." FML

agreeclassic 28 432

vote type 1 3 676

By jared77 - 02/08/2011 16:26 - United States

Today, my mom decided to give me a bloodcurdlingly graphic sex talk. On a plane. I'm 23. FML

agreeclassic 34 795

vote type 1 2 884

Take the L

By slowrunner - 22/04/2009 13:20 - United States

Today, I was running the 100m sprint in a track meet. Me and another girl were tied for dead last. When we finished, she complained, "It's so embarrassing how slow I am today. I have shin splints. What happened to you?" I was actually running my hardest. FML

agreeclassic 55 677

vote type 1 7 612

By hero to zero - 04/07/2011 16:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML

agreeclassic 34 155

vote type 1 15 197

By BerkeleyBiker - 19/04/2011 08:23 - United States

Today, while enjoying a nice dinner out, I observed a homeless man giggling hysterically to himself while wiping boogers on my bike seat and handlebars. FML

agreeclassic 36 377

vote type 1 3 737

By Username - 28/02/2011 16:26

Today, my assistant manager was arguing with a customer. I interjected letting the customer know that "we want everything to be copacetic." After the customer left, I received a write up for using "big words." FML

agreeclassic 29 920

vote type 1 5 418

By depressedpreggo - 18/11/2012 11:00 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was grocery shopping. When I turned around I noticed a group of teens passing by laughing. I didn't think anything of it until I got to my cart. The losers had left a pack of Slim Fast in my cart. I'm pregnant. FML

agreeclassic 33 011

vote type 1 2 386

By Anonymous - 11/11/2012 10:26 - United States - Williamsburg

Today, after finally falling asleep, my boyfriend woke me up and got extremely mad at me. My offense? My pillow was touching his side of the bed. After yelling at me, he's now sleeping on the couch, and I'm lying in bed wide awake. FML

agreeclassic 26 589

vote type 1 3 136

By davidh5012 - 27/11/2011 21:41 - United States

Today, my dad had his "sixteen years overdue" vasectomy. I'm fifteen. FML

agreeclassic 31 541

vote type 1 2 901

By OCDrunk - 23/11/2011 06:40 - Australia

Today, when drunk, I became OCD about everything and spent 3 hours making sure that the books on my shelves were straight. I thought that being drunk was supposed to be fun. FML

agreeclassic 28 026

vote type 1 9 923

By Anonymous - 20/11/2011 17:10 - United States

Today, I learned that my roommate, the one in charge of the cooking, never washes her hands beforehand. According to her, it boosts her immune system. FML

agreeclassic 30 583

vote type 1 4 215

By Jake - 02/10/2012 11:52 - United States - Athens

Today, I woke up with a used condom on my face. Turns out my roommate had sex with his girlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML

agreeclassic 39 648

vote type 1 2 817

By tdawgg - 06/09/2013 14:12 - Canada - Calgary

Today, while working at Home Depot, I was asked to cut some wire. When I asked her how much, she said, "From my computer to the wall". After explaining for a while that I didn't know how far that is, she left. FML

agreeclassic 49 945

vote type 1 3 420

tdawgg app_comment_confession_title

tdawgg 7

Saturday 7 September 2013 2:19

We sell electrical wire by the foot, she may have a more handy family member at home that need it, but she did come back an hour later and got 50 feet... I think her computers in the middle of her backyard. :P. sad thing is, we deal with these kinds of requests ever day... Retail sucks!!

By lollymay13 - 11/10/2011 15:22 - Ireland

Today, after a week of searching, I found my escaped snake. In my umbrella, outside, after opening it over my head. FML

agreeclassic 30 593

vote type 1 8 290

lollymay13 app_comment_confession_title

lollymay13 6

Friday 28 October 2011 12:46

Just so you all know, I am not afraid of my pet snake. The FML was a mixture of a) the snake had been in an obvious hiding place, a dark enclosed space, all along. And b) because anything that falls on your bloody head outside is going to give you a fright! He is healthy and happy, he didn't die, and has not escaped since! :) And as for all the St.Patrick comments.... 'driving the snakes out of Ireland' was a metaphor for the Catholics driving all of the Pagans out of Ireland. Of course there are real snakes here.... actually pagans too. Well there ya go! lol :) x