The Top

The person i had ordering was a close friend of which i am very comfortable with. I guess you could say i got a little too comfortable! After we realized what I did, we just laughed and brushed it off. From now on i will make sure i wear gloves because I wouldn't want this to happen to anyone i don't know!

By ew - 04/10/2009 15:41 - United States

Today, I noticed that my acne has gotten so bad, I can see it out of my peripheral vision. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 100

You deserved it 9 184

By ihateyouatt - 18/03/2010 13:30 - United States

Today, I was trying to change my PIN code in order to make my phone more secure and prevent people from getting information from it. Instead, I somehow ended up locking my phone permanently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 119

You deserved it 31 150

By Anonymous - 02/04/2011 21:05 - United States

Today, while shopping, I was grabbed and dragged off to a security room with no warning. Apparently, the way I was dressed and walking was suspicious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 556

You deserved it 5 076

By Missy - 02/02/2011 18:16 - United States

Today, I told my mom I broke up with my boyfriend because he wanted to have sex and I wasn't ready. Her reply? "Well, you can't stay a virgin forever." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 256

You deserved it 17 291

By LaurenLehmmman - 27/12/2009 22:22 - United States

Today, I was singing while lying upside down chewing gum. My dad was trying to focus on the current football game and hushed me. I yelled, "No!" resulting in my gum becoming lodged in my windpipe. I shut up after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 295

You deserved it 52 280

By RayneWolf13 - 31/07/2013 06:31 - United States - Conway

Today, my husband bought me a big box of tampons. He claims to know when my period is about to start before I do. Sadly, he's right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 293

You deserved it 8 665

RayneWolf13 tells us more.

RayneWolf13 15

Wednesday 31 July 2013 20:06

I'm not complaining at all. Haha its just sad how I don't even know when its coming cuz it never goes in order. I'm very lucky to have him! :) Also, he doesn't buy me chocolate because he knows I hate sweets so he gets me water and pizza instead lol.

Hot stuff

By anonymous - 07/06/2009 06:18 - Korea Republic of

Today, I met a hot guy at the club. We danced and had a really good time, so I invited him home with me for the night. The next morning, I awoke to the sound of what I thought to be running water. I looked up to find him, naked, and pissing into my air conditioner unit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 485

You deserved it 25 724

Patient confidentiality

By DocKreso - 28/06/2013 21:59 - Croatia - Split

Today, I had to remove a glass bottle, complete with an ineffective pullstring, from a patient's rectum. He claimed that he'd accidentally sat on it, and later threatened to sue me for every penny if I breathed a word of it to anyone. Oops, looks like I just did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 915

You deserved it 6 401

By Anonymous - 21/10/2010 16:56 - Canada

Today, my boss walked up and smacked my butt. I am a 19 year old guy. My boss is a 50 year old woman. I desperately need this job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 321

You deserved it 3 791

The nerve of some people

By Inga44 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend. He was at the police station for breaking into a model home to hook up with the girl he's been cheating on me with for the past four months. I was his one phone call. He was expecting me to bail him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 219

You deserved it 3 792

By kaleigh - 31/05/2011 17:01 - United States

Today, as I was walking out of a restaurant with my boyfriend, I saw some guys checking me out. One of them walked up to my boyfriend and said, "Dude, you and your girlfriend have matching moustaches!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 816

You deserved it 10 199

By maddiecat - 08/01/2013 05:34 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I saw Les Misérables. I was singing along to one of the songs when the guy next to me dumped his soda over my head and told me to shut up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 422

You deserved it 100 891

Get outta here

By JMcKay - 26/01/2012 03:36 - Australia

Today, I found out that if a jock calls you a nerd in the street and you retaliate with a witty comeback, be prepared to run. Fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 102

You deserved it 6 147

By Itsbeen8years - 05/04/2015 19:18 - Slovakia - Stupava

Today, I found my first bra and tried it on. It still fits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 977

You deserved it 3 875

By flatchested Sam - 01/12/2013 00:16 - United States - Radcliff

Today, my mom said I should start wearing push up bras to make myself look better. I was wearing one when she said that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 839

You deserved it 3 955

By usafprog - 27/07/2009 20:08 - United States

Today, while spray painting a rocking horse for my kids I left the can outside in the sun. When I picked it up it was hot to the touch and I dropped it. It exploded on impact and now I am more blue than the rocking horse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 604

You deserved it 22 130

By keifer13 - 03/06/2009 05:22 - United States

Today, it was my high school graduation. I brought my camera to capture these last memories, only to discover that the batteries were dead. When I got home and went to change them, I realized they were not dead, they were just put in the wrong way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 639

You deserved it 56 270

By nadette - 25/05/2009 16:43 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She told me that her father didn't approve of me and forced her out of the relationship. Her father died 2 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 716

You deserved it 3 982

Don't scratch every itch

By Anonymous - 27/05/2012 14:19 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my boyfriend and I were acting out a kinky scenario at home, where we'd met in a club and were having a one night stand. We ended up getting into a real argument about an imaginary girl in the club. I didn't have sex and we haven't spoken since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 058

You deserved it 36 088

No way

By Anonymous - 01/05/2013 18:41 - United States - Downey

Today, my bathroom flooded. I frantically cleaned my apartment as fast as I could before the plumber arrived. Everything was finally clean when I let him in. It wasn't until after he finished that I noticed I'd left my anal beads in the shower. There's no way he didn't notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 880

You deserved it 58 906

Tripping

By Blank - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my new step-dad proposed to my mom during a family trip to Wal-Mart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 971

You deserved it 4 244

Crispy

By ouch - 20/12/2011 12:46 - Australia

Today, I'm on a medication that really dehydrates my skin. I thought split lips were the worst side effects. Other split orifices make a trip to the toilet a literal pain in the arse. No sign of stopping in the near future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 686

You deserved it 2 433

Record breakers

By DamnDominoes - 10/06/2009 11:39 - United Arab Emirates

Today, I had just a few dominoes left to complete the whole project that I've been working on for about three weeks. I pressed record on my video camera, flicked the first domino, and watched with pride. When it finished, I realized I hadn't actually pressed record. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 971

You deserved it 31 998

People of Walmart

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I witnessed a large woman pee on a pregnancy test in the middle of a Walmart parking lot, clean herself off, then wander around with the test hanging out of her mouth, waiting for her result. Where in the name of Christ do these people come from? FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 917

You deserved it 4 719

Reverse Uno card

By BlackCheetah101 - 04/11/2009 06:51 - Australia

Today, I had a blind date that my friend set me up for. My date was the ugliest, most disgusting person you will ever meet, but I thought that I would give him a chance. He saw me, eyed me up and down, then said to my friend, "You're kidding, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 510

You deserved it 9 922

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, for my art project, I spent hours painting my whole body in black spots with acrylic paint. I then went and stood outside in the snow, naked, so I could take pictures of it. Only then to find out the camera was out of batteries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 653

You deserved it 34 965

Today, at my highly stressful job, I found a note telling me to urgently call Margaret. I had no idea who that was and I wasted 2 hours trying to find out if she was in our legal department, political, media, sales, etc. until I remembered. Margaret is my baby sister. I may need a less stressful job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 912

You deserved it 335

Today, is the day of the biggest concert in the state of Florida, and it's also my birthday. I was so excited to hear my mom got tickets. It was for her boyfriend and her. I'm stuck at home babysitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 911

You deserved it 4 438

Today, my new boyfriend asked why it takes me so long to reach orgasm. I didn't have the heart to tell him that he's never even given me one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 021

You deserved it 7 326

Today, I found out that bees like to make hives in odd places, like in your vintage car's trunk. I also found out that they don't like it when you break their hive in half when you open the trunk to get out a spare tire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 181

You deserved it 4 267

Today, my boyfriend came to visit me for my birthday. Over dinner he handed me a blank card that had the words "I love you" hastily written on it. When the waiter came to take our order he informed him that we'd be paying separately. Happy Birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 720

You deserved it 2 701