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For anybody wondering, it was "Medieval 2 Total War" on very hard mode. I don't own a microphone, and don't play Call of Duty. Watching the Iberian peninsula falling to unstoppable Moorish hordes really tugs at the heartstrings though, y'know?

By Tristan Brantley - 11/03/2012 07:36 - United States

Today, I called my wife from work to check in on her because she's eight months pregnant. She didn't answer. Instead she showed up at my work hysterically crying and screaming, "You don't love me because I'm a fat whale!" She then knocked everything off my desk. FML

agreeclassic 36 951

vote type 1 3 403

By Anonymous - 07/02/2015 11:51 - United States - Desoto

Today, hours after being turned down for sex, I woke up to my boyfriend sitting at the computer, jacking off to a picture of my deceased mom. FML

agreeclassic 55 809

vote type 1 4 659

By Anonymous - 07/11/2010 22:07 - Israel

Today, I was told by my neighbors that my guitar playing sounded a dying cat. FML

agreeclassic 11 486

vote type 1 23 496

By SydIsPrettyCool - 04/08/2011 05:44 - United States

Today, my pet fish died because my drunk father microwaved it. FML

agreeclassic 50 166

vote type 1 3 399

Silver linings?

By blutownie13 - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I told my ex-boyfriend I lost 20lbs due to the stress of the break up. His response was, "You're welcome." FML

agreeclassic 55 947

vote type 1 28 215

MOVE!

By AHole - 21/11/2012 14:03 - United States - Grand Forks

Today, the car in front of me in the drop-off area at my son's school parked, and the driver got out. I basically leaned on my horn and gave her every dirty look in the book. She said nothing but stared at me as she opened the back of her van to unload her child's wheelchair. I'm an asshole. FML

agreeclassic 10 848

vote type 1 76 019

By Anonymous - 30/10/2012 19:34 - United States

Today, I found my fiancé is cheating on me. Our wedding is in 26 days and everything is already paid for. FML

agreeclassic 39 802

vote type 1 2 641

By Anonymous - 14/10/2011 06:42 - United States

Today, in the senior class I teach, I asked my students who had traveled outside of the country, excluding Canada and Mexico. One student raised his hand and proudly stated, "Arizona". He wants to be a doctor. FML

agreeclassic 34 039

vote type 1 3 420

By cookscatastrophy - 08/12/2009 08:19 - United States

Today, in aerobics, while stretching, my friend leaned over to pull the long hair off my pants. It was my pubic hair sticking through my pants, and I screamed. FML

agreeclassic 17 669

vote type 1 47 148

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, I was moving into my new house. While trying to turn on the light in the bedroom, I realized I couldn't reach the string on the fan. I got a chair, climbed up, reached over, and fell badly. While writhing in agony on the floor, I looked over to see a light switch on the wall. FML

agreeclassic 9 321

vote type 1 33 991

Today, I came up with the idea of pranking my girlfriend by telling her that I knew she was cheating on me. She then apologized. FML

agreeclassic 6 306

vote type 1 2 459

Today, a package was delivered to my house. Thinking it was my new blender, I hurriedly brought it in to open it. Inside the box was an assortment of rotten vegetables that stank like Satan's asshole. I have no idea who it's from or why they hate me so much. FML

agreeclassic 3 629

vote type 1 333

Today, the new person that I was supposed to train didn't show up for the second time in a row. They only had one session with me, and nobody is able to tell me what I'm doing wrong. This is the third time in two years. I give up. FML

agreeclassic 533

vote type 1 117

Today, it's my 30th birthday. I was having a great night until I overheard my mother say, "I can't believe that thing made it to 30." FML

agreeclassic 32 786

vote type 1 2 656

Today, I did my laundry in my dorm. After dragging 2 hampers down 4 flights of stairs, my ID card with money on it was rejected. After dragging it back upstairs, I scrounged up enough quarters from friends. Thirty minutes after finally starting my laundry, I realized I forgot to add detergent. FML

agreeclassic 26 760

vote type 1 48 889