Spicy

Nice to see you too

By Anonymous - 19/03/2011 15:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I was on Facebook, looking at pictures from a party I went to. In most of them, I was sitting on the sofa, my shorts bunched to the side, with half my vajayjay on show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 869

You deserved it 67 421

By anonymous - 19/03/2011 10:32 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that when I orgasm, my increased heart rate causes me to pass out. I also found out my boyfriend doesn't stop when I'm unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 317

You deserved it 8 531

Damn

By emm - 18/03/2011 16:11 - United States

Today, someone rear-ended me while I was on my way home. I was extremely upset and I called my boyfriend for comfort and to help inspect the damage. After taking a good look at the car, he said, "Damn, if only you fucked this hard." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 602

You deserved it 9 662

Good catch

By Anonymous - 17/03/2011 23:52 - United States

Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said, "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 597

You deserved it 91 053

By Mr. Sensitive Nips - 17/03/2011 22:38 - United States

Today, I was spending Saint Patrick's Day with my girlfriend, when she started pinching me for not wearing green. To my complete shock, when she pinched my nipple, I got the biggest, most noticeable erection I've ever had in my life, and no matter what I did, it wouldn't go away. We were in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 613

You deserved it 9 414

By thisblows - 16/03/2011 16:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. I started to moan right when I was about to climax. He got worried, stopped and asked, "Are you okay?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 860

You deserved it 8 750

Great chat!

By eric - 16/03/2011 07:31 - United States

Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 243

You deserved it 96 498

By Albert06 - 14/03/2011 21:26 - France

Today, I showed my colleagues how I could switch on my webcam at home from the office. That's how we all found out my wife is cheating on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 121 172

You deserved it 7 321

By Anonymous - 14/03/2011 19:16 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 023

You deserved it 14 604

By Username - 12/03/2011 05:10 - United States

Today, my boyfriend said he wanted to try something new. By something new, it was to put flour in my butt and see what would happen if I farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 227

You deserved it 8 340

By Anon - 10/03/2011 15:08 - United States

Today, my boyfriend did the Austin Powers dance/strip-tease while dancing to 'I Touch Myself'. It was cute until he ripped off his shirt and revealed that he'd shaved his chest hair in the shape of a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 846

You deserved it 9 524

By anonymouse - 09/03/2011 19:37 - Reserved

Today, I was getting dirty looks on the train whilst air strumming the guitar to a song on my iPod, after glancing at the reflection in the window I realized it looked like I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 916

You deserved it 42 639

By prdept. - 09/03/2011 17:12 - France

Today, I was having sex with a really hot guy. It was going great until his 6-year-old brother walked in and screamed so loudly it brought both of his parents running. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 243

You deserved it 20 520

By Anonymous - 08/03/2011 07:17 - United States

Today, while having sex, I thought I was having an orgasm for the first time. Turns out I was just hyperventilating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 342

You deserved it 6 472

By tatfreak - 08/03/2011 01:03 - United States

Today, I told a cashier I always bullshit with that I was getting a new tattoo. She shook her head and said, "Honey, don't get a tattoo. You'll look like a whore." I already have five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 893

You deserved it 36 565

By lolzboss - 07/03/2011 19:04 - United States

Today, my five year old son decided to move all my stuffed animals I have around the house, into sex positions and massive orgies. What have I been teaching my son lately? FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 488

You deserved it 46 337

Profiler

By ocean555 - 07/03/2011 00:27 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered that my Facebook profile picture, of me between my boyfriend and a friend, is actually me between my boyfriend and the girl he has been cheating on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 131

You deserved it 4 290

Handy

By Anonymous - 06/03/2011 18:15 - Sweden

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 943

You deserved it 12 009

Thanks, I hate it

By Anonymous - 06/03/2011 11:28 - Reserved

Today, my husband told me I was lucky to have someone who would love me no matter what my vagina smelled like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 675

You deserved it 23 006

By Traumatized - 05/03/2011 19:57 - Israel

Today, my coworker returned the camera I lent her. After plugging the camera into my PC, I saw a file was still on it. Wanting to make sure I didn't delete something important, I opened it. To my horror, it was a video of my coworker pleasuring herself. She's old enough to be my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 186

You deserved it 6 096

By mrssagdiyev - 05/03/2011 14:19 - United States

Today, my husband decided to imitate Borat and shout "Very Nice! I Excite!" while having sex. He's also decided that it was ingenious and does it every single time, the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 655

You deserved it 5 451

By Anonymous - 05/03/2011 05:05 - United States

Today, my girlfriend went down on me for the first time. Just as I was reaching climax, my brother raced into the bathroom right next to my door and began to vomit extremely loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 168

You deserved it 5 579

By LLCoolBean - 03/03/2011 08:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was inside a cell phone store talking to a sales guy while I waited outside. I sent him a text, not realizing that the guy was using his phone to call customer service. A topless photo of me shows up on his phone when I text him. The sales guy looked. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 563

You deserved it 59 000

By Anon. - 01/03/2011 23:51 - United States

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 633

You deserved it 91 096

Spontaneous

By Anonymous - 01/03/2011 17:32 - United States

Today, while getting it on with my boyfriend, I decided to be spontaneous and do something sexy. I started taking his underwear off with my teeth. My teeth dragged over his shaft, and my braces cut up his foreskin in the process. Now he's not talking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 781

You deserved it 62 095

By Anonymous - 01/03/2011 16:21 - United States

Today, me and my girlfriend were getting at it, and then my parents came home. I heard them and we scrambled to get our clothes on. My dad came into the room and found me wearing her pants inside out with her thong around my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 074

You deserved it 45 949

By WhyMe? - 01/03/2011 13:24

Today, I told my boyfriend I was leaving him because he's cheating on me. He then told me he will die without me. When I said that I didn't care, he said 'OK. I'll kill myself!' and then held his breath in attempt to suffocate himself. I can't believe I dated this idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 286

You deserved it 15 049

Testing testing, one two one two

By regretter - 01/03/2011 01:07

Today, I paid €100 to have a tube shoved down my genitals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 005

You deserved it 7 790

Mucho sexy

By icareaboutmyhair - 28/02/2011 15:27 - Estonia

Today, I discovered that I have dandruff, which I've never had before. I googled the possible reasons, some being depression and hormones. Not only have I not had sex for a year, but it's also the reason I have dandruff. And apparently I'm depressed. How sexy is that? FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 835

You deserved it 6 832

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, the horn in my car decided to malfunction. It honked continuously for an hour as I drove down the highway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 428

You deserved it 3 007

Today, the couple I've been housesitting for returned. Apparently, I kept the place too clean, and they don't believe that I actually stayed here. They're refusing to pay me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 627

You deserved it 1 658

Today, I went in for a root canal. After a heavy dose of anesthetic, my tooth still wasn't numb, which I only realized when they started drilling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 611

You deserved it 1 625

Today, I was checking out of a hotel when I saw some complementary mints. They weren't mints. They were glass beads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 508

You deserved it 11 777

Today, my son broke his arm roughhousing with his brother on a bunk bed. While at the ER, he thought it would be funny to tell a different story to each doctor and nurse, forcing me to speak over him. They found this behavior "suspicious" and reported us to child services. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 206

You deserved it 167

Today, while giving directions to a blind guy, I accidentally made him walk into a wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 900

You deserved it 8 911