Spicy

By Anonymous - 30/12/2010 21:37 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, while putting a drip in the back of an elderly patient's hand, he commented that he didn't realise doctors had pierced nipples, but not to worry because he's only in the hospital "for the b*tches". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 527

You deserved it 5 869

Stay classy

By Anonymous - 30/12/2010 19:23 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I met my father for the first time since I was a baby. The first comment out of his mouth was, "I bet all the boys love those motherfucking bazongas, don't they?" Hi, Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 820

You deserved it 3 802

That kidnapped kink

By georgiahick - 30/12/2010 14:09

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend asked me to 'spice things up in the bedroom'. When I asked how, he said I could try wearing a paper bag over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 851

You deserved it 6 113

Bad sign

By Anonymous - 30/12/2010 01:28 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when she starts laughing and says, "Wow, this is just too funny." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 888

You deserved it 6 276

By Anonymous - 29/12/2010 11:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me for the very first time in three years. Apparently, all it took was anal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 698

You deserved it 13 306

By whoawhoawhoa - 28/12/2010 22:04 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I heard my parents going at it upstairs. He said, "sounds like they're having more fun than we did." To make it worse, he crept to their door and put his ear to it, telling me what he heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 695

You deserved it 4 994

Kiss from a rose

By sealy - 28/12/2010 07:44 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was told I sound like a seal barking when I orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 099

You deserved it 7 881

By Anonymous - 26/12/2010 06:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, my wife thinks I will agree to anything she says if she just pleasures me orally. I now found out, she is correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 883

You deserved it 41 202

By Anonymous - 25/12/2010 21:26 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend told me the reason she asked me to shave my beard. When I go down on her shaved, it feels more like her ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 858

You deserved it 3 870

Automaton

By Jessie - 25/12/2010 13:38 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were in our room getting hot and heavy. As he was entering me, he started making electronic whirring sounds. Once inside, he said in a robotic voice, "Initiating launch sequence in 3... 2... 1..." and began thrusting as fast as possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 751

You deserved it 9 569

By Anonymous - 25/12/2010 07:11 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was taking a leak in the mall bathroom. A kid no older than thirteen strolled in and paused next to me at the urinals. He took one look and laughed, "I feel sorry for your wife, man." All I could do was stand there as he casually disappeared into one of the stalls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 764

You deserved it 4 492

By Anonymous - 25/12/2010 05:54 - United States

Spicy

Today, my brother asked if he could borrow my razor, since he recently hit puberty and wanted to have a shave. I decided to be nice and let him. When he returned it half an hour later, I couldn't help but notice his facial hair was untouched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 871

You deserved it 8 320

Big question

By snoozerlooser - 25/12/2010 00:00 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I overheard my boyfriend of two years tell his friend he was going to "pop the question." Ecstatic, I wore my nicest dress and got my hair done for dinner. Near the end, he leant in romantically and asked if we could start doing anal. So much for marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 584

You deserved it 7 830

By notsoclean - 24/12/2010 21:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was at the dentist's, getting my teeth cleaned. He thought it would be funny to suddenly go on in detail about the fantastic sex he and his wife had the night before. I was unable to speak the entire time. The dentist is my grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 511

You deserved it 3 702

By Anonymous - 24/12/2010 03:37 - United States

Spicy

Today, I put a sock on my dorm room door to get everyone to think I was getting laid. In truth, I'm a virgin and just wanted to take a peaceful nap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 303

You deserved it 8 611

Sexy!

By troubleintoyland - 24/12/2010 03:03 - United States

Spicy

Today, my fiancé and I attempted to have sex in my childhood bedroom. As we were falling onto the bed, I smacked my head on the wall, which caused a shelf of stuffed toys to fall onto the bed. Not only did it kill the mood, the shelf also hit me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 883

You deserved it 9 580

Check 'em

By David H. - 23/12/2010 08:18

Spicy

Today, I saw my first boobs ever, at 18, volunteering at a retirement home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 005

You deserved it 7 782

By nemo518 - 23/12/2010 06:36 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was naked on top of my boyfriend looking lovingly into his eyes. He then started to use my boobs as punching bags while singing "Eye of the Tiger". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 178

You deserved it 9 461

By Anonymous - 22/12/2010 13:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Instead of having breakup sex, she tidied my room. She said it gave her more pleasure than any time we'd ever had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 136

You deserved it 14 023

By Hannah - 21/12/2010 17:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband said that when we have sex he almost gets as excited as he does when he gets a chopper gunner on Black Ops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 084

You deserved it 7 912

By Anonymous - 21/12/2010 16:18 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my 14 year-old son sent a broadcast on my blackberry saying ''I'm a young gay man looking for some fun!'' to all my contacts as a joke. What he didn't know was that it's my work phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 946

You deserved it 5 663

By fail - 21/12/2010 09:38 - United States

Spicy

Today, an attractive guy told me he wanted to get to know me and see me again. When I told my boyfriend, in hopes of stirring up some jealousy, he said "he'll regret it when he finds out what you're like in bed, trust me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 092

You deserved it 43 338

By Username - 21/12/2010 05:09

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend asked me to have phone sex with him. However, it seems he doesn't quite know what it is, so now he wants me to explain it to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 636

You deserved it 4 445

By hotmommy - 20/12/2010 00:23

Spicy

Today, I went to the mall with my daughter. She asked me if she could go see Santa, so I said yes. She made me sit on his lap with her, and that's when I felt something on my bum. Let's just say Santa had a present for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 275

You deserved it 6 644

By Anonymous - 18/12/2010 01:28 - Canada

Spicy

Today, as I got to my first class seat on an airplane, I saw the person I'd be sitting next to wafting the smell of her vagina towards herself and breathing in deeply. It's an eight hour flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 983

You deserved it 3 990

Cute but annoying

By Anonymous - 17/12/2010 17:08 - United States

Spicy

Today, while on my honeymoon with my new wife, I tried to be romantic by installing a clapper to the lights in our room. As things progressed, the noise of our love making triggered the lights on and off repeatedly. She began to laugh and we ended up just calling it an early night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 422

You deserved it 14 019

By biblewanker - 17/12/2010 16:05 - Australia

Spicy

Today, while in a public restroom I could hear a guy having his way with his hand. He was quoting verses from the bible. I was in a cubicle and he was at the urinal. I was too frightened to leave. This went on for a very long time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 770

You deserved it 3 576

By Olive14 - 16/12/2010 20:03 - United States

Spicy

Today, my best friend lost her virginity in the backseat of a car. I was sitting in the front. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 637

You deserved it 7 137

Olive14 tells us more.

Olive14 0

Friday 17 December 2010 1:59

Haha, alright, I'm gonna try to clear this up. It wasn't my car. We were with two guys and it was the guy she was hooking up with's car. I was sitting in the front seat talking with the other guy (you know, 'cause I kinda have this thing where I DON'T hook up with guys I've just met), when we heard sounds from the back and realized they were *******. It's freezing here this time of year, so there was nowhere to go and it was wayyyy too cold to get out of the car. Most. Awkward. Moment. Of. My. Life.

By fckdsamaritan - 16/12/2010 19:35 - Tunisia

Spicy

Today, I helped a man with a neck brace get on the bus. I fell asleep, only to wake up later on to him gratuitously stroking my breasts with his elbow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 458

You deserved it 4 337

By penisgrabber - 15/12/2010 17:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I came to the realization I make a living trimming the hair off dogs' privates. I've touched more dog penises than I have human ones, and sometimes the dogs get "excited" while I'm working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 505

You deserved it 7 088

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

The Top

Today, a woman at the retirement home I work at told me she was new and asked me a few questions. I asked her when she moved in. She was a new coworker, not a new resident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 760

You deserved it 12 935

Today, the government froze my bank account for not paying college debt, and now I can't access my 0.30 cents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 908

You deserved it 1 502

Today, it was the first New Year's without my longtime girlfriend. I've never felt so sad before. I hate my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 846

You deserved it 219

Today, my parents grounded me and told me I can forget about going to prom, Grad Bash, and getting a new car for graduation. My mom was cleaning my room and found a pack of condoms in my dresser drawer. Oh, and they made me call my boyfriend they didn’t know about to tell him it was over, on speaker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 345

Today, I went to the living room where my mother was so I could ask her about something. I found her lying pantsless on the couch trying to cut her pubic hair with a pair of scissors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 297

You deserved it 2 138

Today, a car was tailgating and honking at me while trying to pass me, so I decided to be a bitch back and go extremely slow. We got to a two lane road and the car passed me up. The man in the front seat flipped me off while pointing to his wife in the back seat who was clearly in labor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 094

You deserved it 68 277