Animals: Today, it's my birthday. My mom decided to wake me up by having...

By birthdayfun - 23/03/2009 22:46 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My mom decided to wake me up by having our new, previously stray, cat thrown on top of me. I was awoken to two claws ripping across my face which needed 16 stitches to fix. Happy Birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 503

You deserved it 39

Summer vacations: Sun and blunders
From beaches to campsites, embark on a journey filled with laughter under the sun... and a few sunburns! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Top comments

0___0 9

Tuesday 24 March 2009 9:07

Was it your 16th birthday at least? D:

uhnonnuhmus 0

Tuesday 24 March 2009 10:26

To get revenge, just throw the stray cat into the shower with your mom someday. Then run like hell.

Comments

yaknowiverse 0

Saturday 20 August 2011 20:42

that stinks. I'm sorry about your face getting scratched

Scarlettx7 0

Friday 9 December 2011 4:31

She's slow

Dianaax33 9

Sunday 11 December 2011 13:52

Your mother is a bitch. Happy Birthday!

eatsleepjb 8

Tuesday 20 December 2011 23:44

Your mom needs help

xxDefiantxx 0

Sunday 5 February 2012 15:53

Make up some bullshit story of how a man attacked you thoth a knie ;)

katiedoll6 7

Saturday 31 March 2012 1:22

Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to you Happy birthday Happy birthday Happy birthday to you ???????????????

ChrisHex 6

Sunday 20 May 2012 5:09

seems like your mom isn't the smartest knife in the crayon box...

kayrachelle17 3

Wednesday 19 September 2012 7:18

I love dogs!

paprika_pilipili_fml 14

Friday 15 February 2013 23:28

I hate cats. They leave hairs and puke all over the place.

Kenton1008 21

Monday 25 March 2013 1:59

So do dogs, genius.

happyfingers 15

Thursday 3 October 2013 21:03

Who throws a cat at people?! The nails.... Owww, the nails.....

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Love Pranks Movies Health Dogs Animals Ironic Miscellaneous Cooking Painful My ex Money Relatable Transportation Cars Annoying Mysterious Geek Embarrassing Photography Party Awkward Food Theater Acting Neighbours Hobbies Healthy Lifestyle Scary Dentist

The Top

Today, I was going to have sex, so I went to my basement to get my builder bear that I had stuffed my condoms in. The bear was gone. My dad gave it to charity. 5ML

I agree, your life sucks 52 296

You deserved it 19 027

Today, I was on a cruise and fell asleep next to the pool. I had an intense dream that I had fallen off into the ocean. I rolled off my sun chair into the water and woke up screaming uncontrollably, I thought I was in the ocean. I was in the kiddy pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 278

You deserved it 13 311

Today, for the first time in months, I wore my naturally curly hair instead of straightening it. Later on at work, a customer pointed at my hair and said, "Look, Bellatrix fucked a poodle." All my coworkers laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 785

You deserved it 151

Today, my family is supposed to be enjoying a day with my in-laws. The drawback? I have to spend time with my stepmom-in-law who is a conspiracy theorist, and my stepsister-in-law who has an unvaccinated 3 year-old who’s been sick a lot lately and looks like death. I have a 4 year-old and a newborn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 131

You deserved it 317

Today, my son is going to jail for robbing our church. This happened a year after my daughter was arrested for breaking in to the same church so she could have sex as a big "Fuck You" to God. I can’t show my face there anymore, and it’s the only church within 50 miles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 185

You deserved it 1 564

Today, I sneezed so hard in a café that I scared a toddler, who screamed, causing another patron to drop their coffee. It was a chain reaction of chaos, all thanks to my nose's sensitivity to the smell of knock-off perfume wafting from a dude at the table next to ours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 135