Health: Today, I sharted. While I was naked. Standing on a new carpet... - FML

By SSS - 18/11/2018 03:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I sharted. While I was naked. Standing on a new carpet in my girlfriend's bedroom. In front of my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 016

You deserved it 881

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Top comments

whiskey'swino 15

Sunday 18 November 2018 4:10

Never trust a fart.

Rabite 28

Sunday 18 November 2018 4:27

How does this keep happening?

Comments

Mungolikecandy 19

Sunday 18 November 2018 15:13

To work out FML or YDI more infomation is required. Is this a random bowel explosion or was it alcohol related?

Charlie Given 26

Sunday 18 November 2018 18:49

I farted ,it tickled ,my butt cheeks wiggled hey look Jesus is on the carpet🤣🤣🤣

l_train 2

Sunday 18 November 2018 23:33

That's called "marking your territory".

Linda Graber 12

Sunday 18 November 2018 23:51

Well ain’t that the *****.

jabc34 9

Sunday 18 November 2018 23:53

hope she had stain master protection

randybryant799 20

Sunday 30 January 2022 2:46

Could you not feel it coming???

wrenavery90 12

Friday 19 August 2022 1:45

I have to admit that would be a deal breaker for me.

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The Top

Today, I broke my ankle jumping from a second story window. Turns out, the person my girlfriend has saved in her phone as "Mom" is her very jealous and “estranged” husband, who apparently knew about me, and was waiting on the opportunity to catch us. She giggled as I jumped out the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 357

You deserved it 382

Today, literally the only thing that now motivates my husband to do anything is sex. Not food, money, humour, or anything. Once he’s had sex, he’ll do anything I ask him to for about 8 hours, then he turns back into a depressing, shiftless lump who either goes to work, sits in his chair, or sleeps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 276

You deserved it 501

Random

Today, a guy I've been seeing for a while sent me a link to a porn site, with the message, "Holy fuck, isn't this your mom?!" Thinking he was joking around, I clicked the link just to see what sick shit he wanted to show me. It was my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 677

You deserved it 3 706

Today, I was in the car with my parents' friends. I was in the back with my window down when I felt something strange hit my ear. I then realized that the person sitting in front of me was picking their scab and throwing it out the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 833

You deserved it 2 645

Today, I drove my ex-boyfriend home from dropping his car at the garage for new tires. On the way, I drove past my house where my boyfriend was sitting in the driveway ready to surprise me. My boyfriend watched us drive by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 268

You deserved it 43 731

Today, my mom, not gifted for household chores, proudly announced that she cleaned the toilet. As it turns out, what she'd primarily cleaned was the deodorizer inside the toilet. Then she tried for the stains inside the bowl, unsuccessfully, then she gave up. But yeah, great job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 758

You deserved it 103

Today, my boss caught me coming to work late. I panicked and told him I’d been there all day. He knows I do a lot of editing for Wikipedia, so he actually found my publicly listed edits showing I’d been publishing edits from my normal account, i.e. my home PC, when I should have been at work. Oops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 957

Today, I borrowed a friend's suitcase for a trip. At the airport, security pulled me aside because there was a small metal object inside. I opened the suitcase expecting something suspicious and found a potato peeler. My friend had used the suitcase for groceries the week before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 204

You deserved it 80