Nearly FMLs

By TiffyTaffy96 - 19/01/2016 18:57 - United States - Wichita

Today, I had to have a state cop come out with me to my car while I was leaving work so my psycho ex boyfriend doesn't try to come by me again. FML

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By Tigris474 - 19/01/2016 18:56 - United States - Newton

Today, I threw my back out. I haver never been in so much pain. I have to have my family help me with everything, down to walking to the bathroom... I'm 21 years old and I have the back of a 75 year old man. FML.

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By video_games_and_ - 19/01/2016 18:54 - Canada - Miramichi

Today, I just realized that I'd lost my Blastoise plushie within a few hours of buying it yesterday evening. The reason I bought it in the first place was out of nostalgia because when I was about 10 I'd won one at a fair and lost it the next day. FML

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By anon - 19/01/2016 18:51 - United States - Poteau

Today, I was at the airport and decided to use the bathroom before my flight. I was washing my hands and saw a woman walk in. She walked out, then back in looking confused. I checked the sign as I left. I was in the women's bathroom. I'm a male. The police saw me and now I'm in trouble. FML

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By millie14225 - 19/01/2016 18:32 - United States

Today, I worked a 12 hour shift, starting at 2:30 am. I'm in a lot of pain, due to the kidney stones that I am passing. Satan's waterfall started today, thank you mother nature. I came home to find cat vomit all over the house. FML

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By Dirtlot - 19/01/2016 18:24 - United States - Melrose Park

Today, after having sex with my girlfriend at my friends house, I flushed my condom down the toilet, not knowing that condoms don't flush. I found out by my friends mom telling me that her youngest son found it and asked her what it was. FML

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You deserved it 1

By fishayyyyy - 19/01/2016 18:11 - United States - Huntington

Today, I was in my math class and I really had to use the restroom, but my teacher told me that I would have to wait after the lesson was over. He kept teaching for over 30 minutes and I couldn't hold it anymore and I peed in the chair and then I just left the classroom. FML

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By adminwork - 19/01/2016 18:02 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, I showed up to a lunch date with a friend and realized a half hour later that he texted he wouldn't be able to meet for another hour FML

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By mortified - 19/01/2016 17:46 - United States - Youngstown

Today, I had a seizure. As if that wasn't bad enough, I had it as I was walking into the shower. So, my dad got to find me unconscious, and butt naked on the bathroom floor. I'm seventeen. FML

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By Bacon0426 - 19/01/2016 17:43 - United States - Brockton

Today, I fell asleep when writing an essay and my cat felt the need to sleep with me, on my laptop, pressing the power button and forever deleting my essay FML.

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By pcbetrayal - 19/01/2016 17:12 - United States - Jamaica Plain

Today, after a month of planning under a Tight budget, I sneakily ordered The perfect gift from Amazon for my wife. I removed all traces of it except the email from Amazon. Only to realise I left my PC on and it was displaying the order proudly for my wife when she woke up. FML

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By transjesus - 19/01/2016 17:12 - Ireland - Limerick

Today, I am in the stall of a public bathroom and there is only one piece of toilet roll left. I just took a shit and I am on my period. FML

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By OnlySkyrimStays - 19/01/2016 17:08 - United Kingdom - Frome

Today, I broke my thumb from popping bubble wrap. FML.

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By stargirl_95 - 19/01/2016 17:07 - South Africa - Rhodes

Today, I received a phonecall from a self professed nice guy asking me why I have such issues trusting people. It was the same guy who got my number without permission from a security book and ignored my multiple, polite but firm, rejections until I blocked him on whatsapp. FML

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By Theregoesmyvacation - 19/01/2016 17:06 - United States - Clyde

Today, as I was sitting at a red light, I saw an out-of-control semi hit a man, who was walking in the crosswalk. He landed in front of my car, dead, and without an arm. FML.

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By 5729 - 19/01/2016 17:01 - United States

Today, my sister acted up so badly that my mom, for the first time, smacked her on the face. I reacted the way any awkward person would - laugh. Now I have a raging sister and the giggles. FML.

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By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 17:00 - United States - Clyde

Today, after cooking dinner, my 10-year-old brother decided to tell me that he thinks the shrimp is disgusting and that "it looks like those babies, you know, the dead ones." FML.

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By lesbian - 19/01/2016 16:49 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, me and my girlfriend of 3 years where gonna get intimate (we are lesbians). And we're getting into it and she yells out "I'm straight". Later I come home to find her banging my best friend who's also lesbian....FML

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By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 16:27 - United States - Austin

Today, my boyfriend and I were in the middle of having amazing sex when he quickly pulled out saying, "I cant do this anymore" all because my new haircut makes him think hes fucking Dora.

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By The_Potato_Lord - 19/01/2016 16:25 - United States - Charleston

Today, I went to school with a giant penis on my face. FML

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By worst0 - 19/01/2016 16:08 - Norway - Lillehammer

Today, I went to see my crush. We were sitting on his bed and talking when he suddenly interrupted me and told me that he loved me. The moment he said that, I looked up, farted, and said "I LOVE HER TOO". He has not talked to me since. FML

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By lesnotbehonest - 19/01/2016 16:03

Today, my dad told me that the only reason he's still married to my mom is because she calls him Daddy. FML

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By GoPats87 - 19/01/2016 15:49 - United States

Today, I discovered my wife of 5 years cheated on me with one of her employees. After several tearful and heartfelt discussions, we decided to commit to repairing our marriage. Two days later I came home and saw them "talking". FML

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By rip - 19/01/2016 15:28 - United States

Today, for the past few days I had been hoping my school didn't change my schedule, as it was the first one for years that I had enjoyed and I do better academically when I know people in my classes. They changed all of my classes, and I don't know anyone in my new classes. FML

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By SilentLegend - 19/01/2016 15:21 - United States - Bothell

Today, I got a speeding ticket only a few days after buying a new car. In which it took me over a month to convince my parents that I would not speed. Guess who doesn't have a car anymore. FML

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By nonononoplease - 19/01/2016 15:16 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I went to see The Revenant, the theater was full so we had to sit behind a group of 12-year-olds. One who got out his phone every 2 minutes to text his "lover??". I had an anxiety attack because I couldn't focus on the movie and I didn't have enough self esteem to ask him to put it away. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 15:04 - United States - Hammond

Today I realized the plan my husband has for my birthday, watch the superbowl and order a pizza. Last week for his birthday I took him to an upscale restaurant and spent over $200. FML

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By Dont_Give_A_Fuck - 19/01/2016 14:55 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my mom had asked to use my phone for a second because her's hadn't been working right. Upon getting it back almost an hour later I discover she had not only texted me girlfriend hateful things pretending to be me, but also texted an ex asking to get back together. My ex said yes, FLM.

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By 4evalone - 19/01/2016 14:52 - United States

Today, I leave to start my new job in another state. Last night my friends threw a going away party. I wasn't invited. Fmylife

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By James - 19/01/2016 14:45 - United States - Columbia

Today, my school is playing the song "Happy" throughout the hallways until we raise $700. It's been 2 days and we've raised $12...FML

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FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I was discussing with my husband how it was time I stopped taking birth control so we could have a baby. He looked at me and said sincerely, "We're a little young to be having kids, don't you think?". He's 35 and I'm 32. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 772

You deserved it 5 218

Today, my flatmate moved in with me. Unfortunately, unbeknownst to me, so did her mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 843

You deserved it 242

Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up on my dad while he was rummaging through his briefcase. He must have heard me, because the moment I got up close, he whirled around and yelled "BOO!" causing me to scream like a little bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 980

You deserved it 38 697

Today, I got excited when I learned that the fruit on the trees by my apartment building was ripe and free to pick. I picked myself some juicy summer plums and enjoyed them. Minutes later, my tongue started burning painfully. Turns out, I'm allergic to plums. FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 148

Today, my roommate’s 17 year-old daughter got broken up with. She locked herself in her room and won’t stop playing "Driver’s License" by Olivia Rodrigo on a continuous loop. Not to mention sounding like an agonizing cat while screaming its lyrics. It’s been 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 326

You deserved it 158

Today, on our honeymoon, we’ve only had sex twice. Meanwhile, my husband has masturbated to porn at least once a day since we've got here, and it’s super obvious because he gets sleepy as hell after sex or a wank, while I’m left frustrated with nothing to do except watch Netflix and start drinking before noon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 564

You deserved it 196