Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 22:52

Today, I've noticed my first grey hair ever. At the age of 25. On my pubes. FML

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By ihmmil - 19/01/2016 22:35 - Lebanon - Beirut

Today, after being on a strict and restrictive diet for a month, I was allowed a cheat day. So I went to a fast food place and ordered the light menu. Along with my burger and salad, I also got food poisoning. I guess karma is not only a bitch, but she also lives at Burger King! FML

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By MrsPine - 19/01/2016 22:20 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, after waiting 2 and half months for a job, I got a call saying I could start. It was part time, only on the weekends. First weekend, I worked 2.5 hours, second weekend, I only worked 1.5 hours. 3 hours after my shift, they called and fired me because they wanted to hire a family member. FML.

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By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 22:17 - United States - Stilwell

Today, I went to watch a cat video on YouTube to cheer myself up. At the end of the 17 minute compilation there was a clip of a cat trying to wake up his dead buddy. Some days. FML

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By applegated1996 - 19/01/2016 22:16 - United States - Fairfield

Today, I was at work and it started snowing, so we were picking up the tools, I was 60 foot up on scaffolding, when I fell. my harness would have saved me, but my balls broke my fall on a metal round bar. FML

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By ssj3charizard - 19/01/2016 22:02 - United States - Dover

Today, after doing some "research" I found out that my unusual fetish is a mental disorder. FML

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By anonymous - 19/01/2016 21:59 - United States

Today, I parked my car where my friend always parked her car before school, so I knew I wouldn't get a ticket. But as soon as I got to my car I got a ticket, not for peaking my car for 3 hours, but for parking it in the wrong direction. FML

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By anonymous - 19/01/2016 21:47 - United States

Today, while sitting in church, my brother brought a water bottle he filled with Sprite. The pressure of it was built up. While singing with the congregation, I hear some fizzing as he starts to open the lid. And All of a sudden we hear a pop, see the lid fly 5 rows up, and Sprite cover all of us.

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By Annoyed Girlfriend - 19/01/2016 21:44 - United States - Des Moines

Today, my boyfriend told me that I owe him gas money for "carting me around." I always have to drive to his house to see him and the only time he drives me around is when we're going to the same place.

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By one_girl_one_song - 19/01/2016 21:42 - Australia - Richmond

Today, I walked past the study to hear the familiar "Two Girls One Cup" song. I discovered my seven year old sister dancing to the "beautiful song". Don't worry, she thought the video was hilarious. FML

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By his ex-girl - 19/01/2016 21:42 - Canada - Drayton

Today, I lost my virginity to my 2 year boyfriend. The whole experience was horrible and gross. I don't understand why people would want to have sex. I told my boyfriend this, and he toke it as an insult to himself. He decided to break up with me. The thing is, I'm actually asexual. FML

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By anonymous - 19/01/2016 21:20 - United States - Belton

Today, my teacher finally set up a seating arrangement so that my crush would be sitting right next to me. "Perfect!" I thought. " I can finally show him how amazing I could be!" Unfortunately five minutes after that thought, I let out the biggest, nastiest fart ever. FML.

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By bad frienfs - 19/01/2016 21:14 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I confronted my friend who was really mean to me in the last few months of last year, finally going to get him to apologize. After I explained how I was always at the butt of his jokes and that he continued after I asked him to stop numerous times, his response was "I don't understand." FML

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By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 21:02 - United States

Today, I had a dream where I was about to have sex with an amazingly beautiful girl. As soon as I entered her I came. Even in my dreams I am a premature ejaculator. Fml

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By Woda - 19/01/2016 21:00 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I got hammered with a girl I've been dating off and on for 3 years. When we were in bed, I called her by the name of the other girl I'd been hooking up with while we were split up. FML

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By shakesray - 19/01/2016 20:57 - United States - Alexandria

Today,I talked trash about a girl I've never met to this person, not knowing she's the person I'm talking trash about. FML

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By KagamineRinny - 19/01/2016 20:36 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I wanted to take a nice, relaxing bath. When I went in the water, I was confronted by a big pile of my brother's pubes which he hadn't cleaned up himself. I had to take care of it, and I still feel dirty. FML

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By Anon - 19/01/2016 20:24 - United States - Houston

Today, my best friend proposed to my serious ex-girlfriend of 1 year who I'm still in love with. She said yes. FML

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By I just wanted to do my homework - 19/01/2016 20:19 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I decided to do some homework in the school library. Moments after I sit down at a computer, a guy sits down at the one next to me. This would have been cool if he hadn't started searching pictures of the Chipettes from Alvin and the Chipmunks and moaning erotically. FML

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By Napermilg - 19/01/2016 20:18 - United States - Naperville

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the pull out method.. He failed. FML

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By DjSwifter - 19/01/2016 20:13 - United Kingdom - Bicester

Today, I decided to visit my parents house, I've not seen them for a while. I got there and decided to see my old room, only to find out they'd turned it into a sex dungeon. FML

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By female martial artist - 19/01/2016 20:02 - United States - La Verne

Today, I took part in a sparring seminar through my karate dojo. I was paired with a male student from another city. He never threw a single punch at me, but went all out against the 12 year old boy. FML

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By Snowlord - 19/01/2016 19:52 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I checked my grades and everything was good except for one grade, it was a 65 because apparently my teacher messed my grade up with someone else's and now its the end of the quarter and it's too late, FML

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By ShortieRose - 19/01/2016 19:50 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I was texting my close friend about her very sick father. She was mentioning that she was hoping for a major turnaround, I wrote "I hope he does". Autocorrect changed it to "I hope he dies" FML

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By bail-out-cabbie - 19/01/2016 19:40 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I got a call to bail a friend out. When I got down to the station cash in hand, I asked the dispatch what happened. Apparently my friend had been stupid enough to give the cop his fake ID, drunk off his ass. FML

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By vanilla_blossom - 19/01/2016 19:21 - United States - Jackson

Today, needing to make a video, I was shocked to see my webcam wasn't recording. Worried that it might be broken or something, it took me a couple of minutes to realize that I had covered the webcam with a sticker earlier, because I was so paranoid about hackers. FML

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By Disturbed - 19/01/2016 19:17 - United States - Santa Monica

Today my office suite is empty but for one other: the next door office. First, my neighbor had an hour long argument with his brother, then he started loudly crying, then he played music loud, now he's on the cell phone outside my window arguing with his Mom. He just smiled and waved. FML.

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By Stairs - 19/01/2016 19:09 - United States

Today, at the college I work at, we had a student come in the gym asking where the stairs are and how to access them. They are right in front of the front entrance in plain sight. FML

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By Help - 19/01/2016 18:59 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, my girlfriend of 8 months broke up with me. Over text. For her abusive ex. FML

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By J-Crew - 19/01/2016 18:58 - United States - Rohnert Park

Today, I was at a party in hopes of getting laid for the first time. The perfect candidate walked up to me and began to touch me, but I never seemed to get the message. After she showed me a picture of her naked and asked what I thought she realized I was wasting her time. I said "nice". FML

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I couldn't sleep and in the process of tossing and turning I did something very painful to my back. I spent 4 years in the marine corps infantry, but laying in a bed kicks my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 950

You deserved it 5 071

Today, my therapist told me to write any negative thoughts that I had on a piece of paper and then set fire to it. When I lit it in the trash can, huge flames broke out and I had to throw the trash can out my window to keep from setting my house on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 419

You deserved it 41 010

Today, I found out that, when mad at us, my son picks the tops off his shoulder-pimples and sprinkles them in our food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 483

You deserved it 5 686

Today, I fainted in the bathtub. My family broke the door to save me, which is great, but they all saw me naked, which is not so great. My siblings laughed at the size of my penis, my father laughed at the situation, and my mom just cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 313

You deserved it 412

Today, I saw a man lying face down in a field and thinking he was injured, I ran over to help. As soon as I got to him, I realized he was completely naked. He stood up and chased after me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 028

You deserved it 2 689

Today, I went on my first date with a guy I really like. He completely ignored me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 175

You deserved it 4 778