Nearly FMLs

By CanYouKeepUp - 07/06/2016 13:49 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I somehow managed to ejaculated during foreplay with my wife after being away from home for a month. I can't do round two. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 20

By Anonymous - 07/06/2016 13:42 - United States - Fairbanks

Today, my friends decided to grab my phone and lock themselves in my room. They come back out an hour later. And my phone was factory reset. Turns out if you enter the wrong password 10 times it resets the phone. Everything was gone, including my resume I was editing on my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 138

You deserved it 15

By NoseToNose - 07/06/2016 13:35 - United States - Lewisville

Today, I discovered that a colleague has a crush on me and is excited each time she sees me. This is the second colleague to have a crush on me. The one element that both colleagues share is severe mental handicap. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 124

You deserved it 15

By StressedMonkey - 07/06/2016 13:16 - Norway - Oslo

Today, I was planning to take it easy with workout, coffee, good food and a couple movies. When suddenly my girlfriend calls me and says her family of father, aunt and grandma is coming for a stay-over visit. Straight without any notice in advance. Now I'm stuck getting the place presentable. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 14

By mille - 07/06/2016 11:06 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, my boyfriend of nearly 3 years told me he wants to continue our physical relationship, even though he hasn't been in love with me for months, because it's 'cozy'. He also told me about his crush on another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 510

You deserved it 65

By h8love - 07/06/2016 08:22 - United States - Aptos

Today, I went out with the girl of my dreams that I've been seeing for awhile. I told her that I had a major crush on her and to my surprise, she felt the same. Later we met up with her friends. One of which was her ex. She then made out with him pretty much the whole day right in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 447

You deserved it 47

By BrainFart - 07/06/2016 06:39 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I got the job of my dreams. Too bad in my over excitement I forget to ask if they meant come in at 6AM or 6PM. I'm too embarrassed to call back and clarify. FML

I agree, your life sucks 324

You deserved it 99

By tracy4191 - 07/06/2016 05:43 - United States - Ponchatoula

Today, my manager decided she didn't want to work today. While she sat on her ass, I helped single-handedly rang up every customer who walked in. I had $1200 in my till at the end of the day. She had $200. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 38

By EarlyBankrobber - 07/06/2016 05:40 - Denmark

Today, my son got sent home from school. Why? His school was turned into an entire city with fake money, and he robbed the bank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 378

You deserved it 56

By Weyoun - 07/06/2016 03:17 - Australia - Petrie

Today, I was fitting a child's foot as part of my job as a shoe fitter. I had to endure the mother using me and my implied authority/anger to discipline her child, as well as repeatedly having to avoid being kicked in the mouth by her son who found it hysterical. She didn't try stop that part. FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 33

By embarrassed - 07/06/2016 02:32 - Canada - Bowmanville

Today, my husband went to check on our 8yo son to make sure he was in bed. He wasn't. He'd gone into our bedroom, found our handcuffs and put them on and sat there panicking for a half hour because he couldn't get them off.

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 39

By Anonymoose - 07/06/2016 01:44 - United States - Columbus

Today, I got on Skype to send a message to my support group for my depression. Mobile Skype doesn't work sometimes, and it showed that nobody was responding to me, so I got on my computer to check. Turns out they're all just ignoring me, and talking to each other behind my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 317

You deserved it 36

By wellthishasbeenfun - 07/06/2016 00:33 - Australia - Campbelltown

Today, I had to tell my best friend that her boyfriend tried to hook up with me. Now she says she doesn't know who to believe because he's denying the whole thing. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 197

You deserved it 22

By Allymeehan - 06/06/2016 21:40

Today, I sat down by a tree to read. My friend pointed out that there were a bunch of ants on the tree. I got up, but not before a bunch of mulch could lodge itself in my asscheek and make it itch and sting like hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 210

You deserved it 20

By jake_df - 06/06/2016 21:31 - United States

Today, I had left my phone on top my car by accident it had fallen off when I drove away to my friend quickly pointed out it was missing we turned around to find it and called it , to a man answered "hello is this your phone damn that sucks" then immediately hung up and wouldn't answer back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 230

You deserved it 21

By ItsGoneForever - 06/06/2016 21:30 - Netherlands

Today, I participated in a running competition. After finishing, I feit great about myself as I recorded one of my fastest times ever. Turned out I finished 94th out of 97 participants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 210

You deserved it 40

By catimakittycat - 06/06/2016 21:28 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, over dinner, my husband told our neighbours that our baby's food was puréed with my breastmilk. The neighbour he was talking to looked as awkward as I felt. My husband then called me a soup kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 215

You deserved it 20

By Working with a psycho - 06/06/2016 21:20 - Canada - Qu?bec

Today, even though I and my colleague complained, my boss sees no problem with the new guy. The new guy that admitted to us that he lost his old job when he ran after his old boss with a kitchen knife because he had written him up. I now have to work alone with this guy. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 188

You deserved it 13

By potatocouch - 06/06/2016 21:03 - United States - Richmond

Today, I was admiring the beautiful view from my window. Just as the sun was setting, my little brother thought it was a good idea to smash my head into the window. There is now a large crack in the window, and I have to get stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 177

You deserved it 12

By Iron11 - 06/06/2016 20:33 - United States - Barre

Today, during a business trip, I wanted to take a ride on my bike. I left it outside a restaurant to get a coffee. I realized that I forgot my wallet in my briefcase by my bike. When I went to get it, it was gone. As I looked up, I saw the smug guy who stole it riding off with my briefcase.FML

I agree, your life sucks 144

You deserved it 27

By james_logan - 06/06/2016 20:19 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, after getting quite attached to a lot of new television series and their characters, I find out that they're all cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 166

You deserved it 44

By fabulousfiasco - 06/06/2016 16:39 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I went online to order more hardwood flooring so we can finish the last couple rooms of our house. The flooring is discontinued and we have two more rooms to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 90

By Anon the Mouse - 06/06/2016 14:04 - United States - Midlothian

Today, my friends planned an intervention. Not for anything "bad" like smoking, drugs, or sex. They planned an intervention because I'm addicted to a cartoon. They won't let me watch it and that is my only enjoyment out of the whole day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 58

By brcolbert - 06/06/2016 06:56 - United States - Troy

Today, my boyfriend finally met my brother. He was arresting him for public urination on a police vehicle. Dinner with him with be fun tomorrow. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 607

You deserved it 76

By catmom - 06/06/2016 05:15 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I hung my purse on the thing they have at work to hang your belongings for the first time. I come back and find $200 has been stolen from my wallet.FML

I agree, your life sucks 469

You deserved it 111

By anon - 06/06/2016 04:47 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, as my wife was giving me a blow job, my 2 year old daughter came out from underneath the bed and said, "I didn't know you could sing daddy!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 629

You deserved it 62

By kamryno - 06/06/2016 04:29 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today I went to my first funeral. I was already nervous about how I would handle it but nothing could have prepared me for the uncontrollable laughing fit I had upon getting out of the car. Sorry Grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 458

You deserved it 62

By birthday boi - 06/06/2016 03:20 - United States - East Brunswick

Today, the wind blew the blind back and showed me jacking off to everyone at my neighbor's party next door. They thought I did it intentionally and called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 458

You deserved it 51

By ThatGuy - 06/06/2016 03:12 - United States

Today, I woke up late. I was so horny and strapped for time, I jerked off and shaved at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 345

You deserved it 66

By Krovels - 06/06/2016 02:48 - United States - Metuchen

Today, I took what I thought was rice out of my refrigerator. I heated it up and put sauce on it only to find out it was shredded cheese. I'm lactose intolerant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 348

You deserved it 84

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, my mum came home from a business trip. My four-year-old brother, who I'd been watching, told her I was "sexing" my boyfriend a lot after I put him to bed. After lots of arguing, she banned me from seeing him and took my car away. Only much later did I realize my brother meant "texting". FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 973

You deserved it 5 492

Today, my four Huskies played tug-o-war with a woodchuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 984

You deserved it 423

Today, my boyfriend spent forty minutes making pasta sauce when we had a perfectly good jar of pasta sauce in the pantry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 1 021

Today, I took my daughter to get the expensive pixie cut she’s been "dying" for. As soon as we got home, my husband burst into hysterical laughter and pointed out that she looks exactly like he did in high school. Now she’s sobbing and begging for either a wig or even more expensive extensions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 108

You deserved it 232

Today, the girl I really liked started talking to me, so I asked her out on a date. After waiting an hour at the theatre, I texted her asking where she was. She replied with, "Oh! You were serious about the date?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 803

You deserved it 3 527

Today, my parents screamed at me for being diagnosed as depressed, because I’m not allowed to be depressed, because me being depressed makes them look like bad parents who couldn’t raise a happy, normal child, so I have to be happy or I’ll be punished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 903

You deserved it 152