Miscellaneous

#LurkerForLife

By Anonymous - 03/08/2017 05:00

Today, I realized that my social life is so dead that the only thing I do that involves other people is read FML. I don't even participate in the comments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 799

You deserved it 1 112

By DosSantos - 03/08/2017 00:30

Today, I returned from a trip to Budapest with more condoms than I had brought with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 480

You deserved it 974

By egnur_mas - 02/08/2017 17:44

Today, while manscaping in the shower, I found out that things can still get caught in the clippers, even with a guard on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 105

You deserved it 778

egnur_mas tells us more.

egnur_mas 19

Wednesday 2 August 2017 13:54

Bridger you're on the right track mate, I'll have to take a little more care from now on. Considering the circumstances I'm still pretty stoked to have my first submitted FML published!

By Kristen Duncan - 01/08/2017 20:00 - United States - Spokane

Today, I just drank a sip of beer and felt something so I spit it out... It was an earwig. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 554

You deserved it 432

By Jules - 31/07/2017 05:00

Today, I bought a new cannister and it came with a label that said "Cookies" so I carefully scanned and photoshopped it to say "Coffee". Then I opened the cannister to find 11 double-sided bilingual labels -- including "Coffee". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 527

You deserved it 2 601

By Divorce? - 29/07/2017 00:30

Today, I came home and caught my husband in a compromising position. He was watching Twilight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 042

You deserved it 610

By Fatherdaughter - 28/07/2017 11:21

Today, I was having a chat with a fellow veteran I bumped into at a car show. He ended the conversation by turning to my dad and saying, "you're lucky to catch a young honey like this." Then went on to ask if we'd tried anal yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 248

You deserved it 456

C8H18 tells us more.

C8H18 33

Friday 28 July 2017 9:05

OP here. My dad walked off acting like he hadn't heard anything as I yelled, "That's my FATHER!"

By imatotalloser - 28/07/2017 05:00

Today, after months of telling my landlord about the weak floorboards in my living room, I fell through them as I was trying to repair them myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 286

You deserved it 344

A dealer of both drugs and hugs

By fallingforfakenamesandmindgames - 27/07/2017 13:00

Today, I found out that the reason why the guy I took home from the bar seemed to understand everything about me instantly was because he was my ex's secret drug dealer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 730

You deserved it 497

By MenstrualCrampsRuinedMyAcademicFuture - 25/07/2017 19:00 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I vomitted on an Oxford professor during my first university interview. They called me "little miss nervous" in my second interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 213

You deserved it 566

Confused

By Anonymous - 25/07/2017 00:30

Today, after 26 years of confusion with my parents pronouncing it different ways, and in my mom's case, multiple ways, having to clear up how it's spelled every time I meet someone, I asked my mom how to pronounce my name. She got mad and then pronounced it three different ways while explaining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 548

You deserved it 439

Reported

By Littlebigben - 19/07/2017 05:00

Today, I found a cellphone. I went through the contacts and called the one listed as "Dad" to inform them I could leave it at a cash register of the store I found it in, or take it to the police station so they could pick it up. They then called the police, insisting I stole it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 692

You deserved it 337

Help yourself

By BunnysKitty - 10/07/2017 22:30 - United States - Columbia City

Today, I wanted to pack my lunch with some of my homemade meatloaf leftover from last night's dinner, but I couldn't find it anywhere in my fridge. Later in the evening, my boyfriend's parents invited us over for dinner. They served meatloaf. The meatloaf they stole from my fridge last night when they visited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 928

You deserved it 364

By ellisp1 - 04/07/2017 22:10

Today, my family was going to go out on a boat to celebrate Independence Day. We agreed we'd be at the marina by 11:45 AM. It's currently 1:45 PM and half of the family is still asleep while two are nursing hangovers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 218

You deserved it 497

Locked out

By ClumsyKatey - 02/07/2017 22:00

Today, due to an incident with the dishwasher, a coat rack and my bathrobe, I ended up locked out of my house, naked as a jaybird. I had to hide in the backyard for several hours until my family got home from their various activities to get back in. They still haven't stopped laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 197

You deserved it 1 122

By nosleep - 30/06/2017 16:46

Today, like every other day since I moved into this apartment a year ago, the construction crew started their noisy work at 5:30 in the morning. When I moved in I was promised it was a quiet neighborhood; only offices. What have they been building in the meantime? Three nightclubs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 606

You deserved it 295

By anonymous - 30/06/2017 15:34

Today, it seems that getting an apartment with a couple was a bad idea. They agree on everything, so my opinion never seems to matter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 109

You deserved it 938

Funky

By Cleanfreak? - 25/06/2017 00:00 - Denmark - ?lborg

Today, I got into an argument, followed by the silent treatment from my boyfriend, because I told him that he should change his underwear daily. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 974

You deserved it 602

Being nice is so 1968

By Anonymous - 23/06/2017 01:00 - Saudi Arabia

Today, I decided to do something nice and compliment a stranger. I told a girl that I liked her skirt and that it looked good on her. She just rolled her eyes at me and said, "I'm not gay". FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 342

You deserved it 553

By Save Me - 22/06/2017 17:43

Today, I found out that the small town I moved to to escape the crowds is actually a popular tourist spot in the summer. The majority are unbathed. I work in retail at the only convenience store, and the temperature has hit triple digits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 334

You deserved it 1 291

C8H18 tells us more.

C8H18 33

Tuesday 20 June 2017 16:47

OP, here. Being a small town of 200 hundred people there's really not much information when I did searches. Even the realistate agent didn't mention it. I've found that the tourists only know if it because they live in the sourrounding cities a few hours away and simply searched for lakes in the area. Unfortunately this "lake" they're vacationing to isn't really a lake. It's a man made reservoir for our drinking water. :/

By Druu - 22/06/2017 11:36

Today, my mother won two tickets in the Hamilton ticket lottery. My siblings joked that we would finally find out who the favorite child is. Who ended up going to the show? My two sisters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 250

You deserved it 448

Trapped 2: The Bathroom strikes back!

By UberAwesone - 22/06/2017 15:24 - Indonesia - Jakarta

Today, I woke up hungover, locked in my bathroom. This wouldn't be a problem, except in my drunken stupor, I snapped the key. I live alone and there's no windows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 633

You deserved it 2 272

UberAwesone tells us more.

UberAwesone 30

Wednesday 21 June 2017 10:43

OP here, I live in Indonesia, and most bathrooms here have seperate keys instead of a toggle. Thankfully, my brother has a spare house key, I was able to call him over and get him to call a locksmith to get me out. I posted this FML while we were waiting for the locksmith to come by.

Some people are just lazy

By Anonymous - 22/06/2017 00:00

Today, while working, I saw a man napping under a tree. He was still there 3 hours later. Turns out he was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 762

You deserved it 326

By Trappedinthecloset - 19/06/2017 12:41

Today, I accidentally came out to my nan. She decided that this is unacceptable, and has made it her mission to 'convert' me. It's also the day we arrived in an isolated spot in Spain for a 20-day holiday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 745

You deserved it 906

Nightlark tells us more.

Nightlark 7

Monday 19 June 2017 9:41

Hey, OP here. Basically, I made a joke. I've just got back from uni so I'm not used to hiding parts of myself (I don't have to hide it around my mum cause she likes to pretend it doesn't exist). My nan was talking about me getting married, saying I needed to find Mr right. I made a joke about it being Mrs Right without thinking and here we are.

By Tyguy3000 - 19/06/2017 06:00 - United States

Today, I asked a woman to take a picture of me and my girlfriend kissing on the beach. When I looked up, the woman and my phone were gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 130

You deserved it 3 027