Miscellaneous

By j0natron - 03/02/2009 20:30 - United States

Today, I was taking the elevator down with a group of people. It stopped on the 2nd floor and I said "What asshole can't take the steps from the 2nd floor?" Then a kid in a wheelchair got on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 303

You deserved it 54 573

By sh33zy - 03/02/2009 20:27 - United States

Today, the only girl I'm friends with deleted my comment off of her profile because she was too embarrassed that people would see we were friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 416

You deserved it 3 510

By Noname - 03/02/2009 20:25 - United States

Today, my 4 year old niece asked me why I didn't have a job or wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 748

You deserved it 7 812

By Noname - 03/02/2009 19:57 - United States

Today, after a late night at a bar, I stepped into my building's elevator with a Chinese man who was carrying a plastic bag. Without thinking, I said, "Oooh, are you still delivering?" His response was, "I live here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 918

You deserved it 55 356

By Cob - 03/02/2009 13:03 - United States

Today, I tried helping an old lady with her groceries. When I asked if she needed help she smiled. When I took one of her bags she yelled. I didn't know she was deaf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 276

You deserved it 2 446

By fuckedalready - 03/02/2009 12:40 - United States

Today, the cleaning lady left a note that said my room was too dirty to clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 307

You deserved it 36 107

Dressed for success

By wtf - 03/02/2009 03:28 - United States

Today, I stuffed my buttcrack with toilet paper right before my job interview because I tend to sweat there a lot and I was wearing a white skirt. I went to the bathroom afterward to take it out but it wasn't there anymore. It could have only gone up two places. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 772

You deserved it 15 594

By houdini - 03/02/2009 00:42 - United States

Today, I went to a fast food restaurant. The guy behind me was a pretty hot latin guy. When I went to pay, my purse fell off the counter. My birth control pills, a condom, 3 super plus tampons and an extra pair of underwear I keep in there for emergencies fell out at his feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 972

You deserved it 11 712

By asdf - 02/02/2009 18:07 - United States

Today, my mom slept all day. But when she got out of bed for five minutes, she told me I was a worthless piece of shit. Then she went back to bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 340

You deserved it 2 827

Noise machine

By achtung - 01/02/2009 23:57 - United States

Today, I had to use my friend's toilet. His pretty cute sister was in the kitchen adjoining the bathroom, so I smiled and said hi on my way through. I then had the loudest and most vile-sounding shit of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 157

You deserved it 5 842

By Embarrassed daughter.. - 01/02/2009 19:09 - United States

Today, for the Superbowl halftime show, my mom was blasting the TV, dancing, and singing along to Bruce Springsteen in front of me and my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 073

You deserved it 6 991

By frankrizzo - 01/02/2009 17:29 - Canada

Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up, I was touching myself. Unfortunately, I also woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on the couch after eating too much at a family reunion. When I looked around the room, over 10 relatives were giving me nasty looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 071

You deserved it 9 052

By foo - 01/02/2009 16:48 - United States

Today, I'm a shy guy normally, and when I talk to my friends I don't keep eye contact so I always look down even when I'm listening. My friend asked me why I always look at her boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 093

You deserved it 24 923

By Miko - 01/02/2009 16:45 - United States

Today, my friend caught me watching a movie on Oxygen instead of the Super Bowl. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 291

You deserved it 32 475

By anaph0re - 01/02/2009 15:52 - France

Today, it was good fun getting this nice vampire make-up at my drama lesson. It would have been better if I hadn't forgotten my demake-up. Even better if I could have avoided those crazy glances in the bus home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 720

You deserved it 21 540

By leez - 01/02/2009 10:43 - United States

Today, my roommate has gone home for the weekend. She forgot to turn her alarm clock off. Her door is locked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 096

You deserved it 1 845

By lousy - 31/01/2009 22:23 - United States

Today, I live with my mother and realized she goes out with her friends and dates more times a week than I do in a single month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 081

You deserved it 3 906

By toosmall - 31/01/2009 21:40 - United States

Today, at the urinal a guy came up next to me to do his business. He stared over at me, looked down, laughed and then left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 620

You deserved it 2 613

Caught

By losingstreak - 31/01/2009 20:47 - United States

Today, I was looking at porn on my laptop when my mom came into my room to talk to me. After she finished what she was saying, she paused and said, "You know, I can see the reflection of your computer screen in your glasses." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 260

You deserved it 38 093

By Lady of Sorrows - 31/01/2009 20:26 - United States

Today, I just went to the bathroom and someone thought I was a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 054

You deserved it 3 301

By Lars - 31/01/2009 17:25 - United States

Today, I fell down the stairs twice. I fell from the top, stopped in the middle, stood up, stepped down one more step, tripped, and fell down the rest of the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 978

You deserved it 5 906

By fuckit - 31/01/2009 17:24 - United States

Today, I realized I bought 30 condoms last year. I now have 29. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 260

You deserved it 5 618

By ayw329 - 31/01/2009 13:51 - United States

Today, I have been reading FML for 12 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 365

You deserved it 17 068

By crakbbyaparently - 31/01/2009 01:34 - United States

Today, my old man told me that he only married my mom because she convinced him she was pregnant with his child. In fact, she aborted a week later. "And then we had you instead." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 852

You deserved it 1 893

Bad hair day

By Noname - 30/01/2009 19:06 - United States

Today, I went to get a haircut and the first thing the lady asked was, "So, do you want to keep the mullet?" What mullet?! FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 565

You deserved it 5 038

By Ren - 30/01/2009 15:50 - United States

Today, I received a text message from my older brother. It said, "Ah... I want you". I hope to god it was intended for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 487

You deserved it 2 197

By pop_rox - 30/01/2009 14:07 - United States

Today, I was riding in a carpool when we passed a church that has a shady reputation. I said, "Man, all those people are being brainwashed, it's a cult". The lady sitting in the back seat behind me says, "I'm a member of that church…" OOPS. Silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 313

You deserved it 28 711

By iFail - 29/01/2009 17:55 - United States

Today, a guy sitting next to me in class asked me for a pen. I accidentally handed him a tampon instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 790

You deserved it 9 027

By K Holed - 29/01/2009 17:04 - United States

Today, my parents told me that they received a letter from a prison. Being curious they opened it up and read the entire thing. It was from this girl I randomly met. Now I have a prison stalker and my parents think I date felons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 909

You deserved it 2 931

By wsumt - 29/01/2009 01:04 - United States

Today, my friend and I were in a hallway talking while a man kept walking by and turning around. I then asked him "WHAT are you LOOKING for!". It was a blind man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 896

You deserved it 30 496

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, was the day my girlfriend and I tried to 69 for the first time. Today is also the day I learned that I'm physically incapable of maintaining an erection after someone farts in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 279

You deserved it 6 812

Today, I found out that the very good-looking woman who sings for one of my favorite bands is actually a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 095

You deserved it 9 024

Today, I woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis, and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear. "Mom?" I called out instinctively, recalling how she always smells like peppermint. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking girlfriend of three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 420

You deserved it 92 836

Today, it was my first day being a full-time paramedic. I was shot in the arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 148

You deserved it 2 688

Today, it was my first day. HR handed me a badge with my photo and… someone else’s name printed in big letters. I spent the whole morning being introduced as “Greg” to people who said, “Nice to meet you Greg.” By lunch I’d corrected maybe 3 people and reinforced everyone else’s assumption that my real name was Greg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 308

You deserved it 108

Today, in history class I was called "ignorant" and "inconsiderate" because I referred to Stalin as a "he". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 255

You deserved it 1 665