Miscellaneous

By Anonymous - 29/11/2009 14:18 - United States

Today, I was wrapping Christmas presents for various people; 17 to be exact. It wasn't until I placed the last present on top of the stack that I realized I didn't put gift tags on any of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 046

You deserved it 40 796

Man of faith

By ??? - 29/11/2009 07:59 - United States

Today, while I was in confession telling my sins to the priest, he called me a "pain in the ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 642

You deserved it 9 929

Party blues

By Anonymous - 29/11/2009 06:33 - United States

Today, I made out with a guy that I had just met at a party. It was my first kiss. I don't know what's worse, the fact that my first kiss is at the age of 23, or the fact that I saw him making out with a different girl later on in the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 283

You deserved it 16 686

Birth certificate

By figures - 29/11/2009 01:53 - United States

Today, I found out I've been misspelling my middle name for 25 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 413

You deserved it 40 574

By NickC - 29/11/2009 00:40 - Malaysia

Today, my girlfriend's parents wanted to cook dinner for me. After a whole day of cooking up a storm, her parents cooked an elaborate meal of roast lamb, pork chops and grilled chicken. Rejecting a meal is like spitting in ones face in Chinese culture. I'm vegetarian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 219

You deserved it 14 997

By Anonymous - 29/11/2009 00:32 - United States

Today, I had to make up a story about my "friends" at school so my mom doesn't keep telling I'm a loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 675

You deserved it 6 824

By MegGRRRz - 28/11/2009 15:33 - United States

Today, I woke up and took my mom to work. It wasn't until after I got home, logged on Facebook and looked at the upcoming birthdays to see that it was her birthday today. No wonder she was silent the entire car ride and slammed the door on the way out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 840

You deserved it 57 062

By NickC - 28/11/2009 10:16 - Malaysia

Today, after burning all my past-papers, books and notes in celebration of finishing maths forever, I found out I have to re-take my maths exam to get the minimum grade for college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 252

You deserved it 50 597

By Orangehead - 28/11/2009 05:06 - United States

Today, I went shopping with some friends. We were tired from walking around the mall all night, so we decided to sit and relax at a table. I was about to close my eyes when I got smacked on the forehead by an orange falling from the second floor of the mall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 341

You deserved it 3 918

Awkwaaaaard

By Anonymous - 28/11/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, my mom came home and told me she was going back to college. She's going to the community college that a lot of the graduates from my school go to. She has biology with my ex. They're lab partners and have to do take home labs together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 726

You deserved it 2 711

By Thanks - 27/11/2009 23:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I took my daughter to the zoo. I threw a piece of my sandwich towards a very cute chimpanzee. As a thank you, he threw a piece of crap at me, which exploded all over my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 327

You deserved it 49 633

By Anonymous - 27/11/2009 16:43 - United States

Today, I was at a dinner with my dad's girlfriend's family. I met this guy who I found kind of cute and tried to talk to him a couple times. To avoid talking to me he started playing his PSP. I could see the screen perfectly and the PSP was clearly off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 992

You deserved it 6 161

By forgotmyownbirthday - 27/11/2009 14:26 - United States

Today, I got no happy birthday wishes from anyone. I decided to call my sister to see if she'd remembered. My 6-year-old niece answered, so I told her it was my birthday. She said that it's tomorrow. After ten minutes of arguing with a 6-year-old, I checked the calendar. It's tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 155

You deserved it 60 868

By Nick - 27/11/2009 10:11 - United Kingdom

Today, I got out of the wrong side of the bed. Into a wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 021

You deserved it 28 942

By fml...really - 27/11/2009 07:45 - United States

Today, we took the kids to the local pond near my sister-in-law's to feed the geese. I hadn't been there before, and thought I'd take a picture. I turned around to adjust my camera, but the geese, realizing the feast had ended, took flight. Before I could react I was showered with goose shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 483

You deserved it 4 124

By obsessed - 27/11/2009 05:12 - United States

Today, I kissed my iced over window to know what kissing Edward Cullen would be like. My neighbor saw. My first reaction was to come up with a cover story. I licked the window and wiped my sleeve over it to look like I was cleaning it. My neighbor came over later and gave me an early Christmas gift. Windex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 247

You deserved it 89 701

By fartlover - 27/11/2009 05:10 - Canada

Today, I went over to my boyfriend's apartment and I smelled a delicious aroma as I walked in so I asked him what he was cooking. His response was, "I'm not cooking anything. I just farted." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 321

You deserved it 8 651

By Anonymous - 27/11/2009 02:13 - United States

Today, I spent the entire day at the hospital and was sent home attached to an obnoxious and somewhat painful heart monitor. I felt fine and decided to go to a bonfire with a few friends. I thought everyone was being nice until I overheard the guys referring to me as an unattractive xbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 327

You deserved it 3 318

By anniecook - 27/11/2009 00:26 - United States

Today, I saw an old man who needed help crossing the street. I went over to him and helped him across the street. When he thanked me, I said, "No problem, sir." They responded by hitting me in the happy sacks and screaming that they were a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 995

You deserved it 7 262

By garlicbread - 26/11/2009 22:11 - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to make myself a nice meal. I bought expensive pasta and sauce etc. It looked delicious, I decided the finishing touch would be some parmesan cheese. I grabbed the bag and threw a handful of cheese on my meal. The cheese was about 98% mould. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 621

You deserved it 29 952

By has-evil-friends - 26/11/2009 20:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I had six friends round for pizza. When I went to answer the door to the delivery, my friends turned off the lights and pretended they weren't there when I shouted for help carrying all the food. Not only does the cute delivery guy think I'm greedy, but also that I have imaginary friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 724

You deserved it 3 629

It never rains, it pours

By jaeilssanguh - 26/11/2009 18:49 - United States

Today, I was walking in rain. I had my hands in my pants pockets, so that the front of the jacket was pointing down. Halfway to Taco Bell, my crotch felt exceptionally wet. I looked down to see a wet spot. The rain on my jacket was channeled to my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 084

You deserved it 6 170

By HeSaysImNoBeard - 26/11/2009 16:47 - United States

Today, I went to see the new Twilight movie, for the second time. The first time was at the midnight premiere. I would be "okay" with it if the person who had dragged me to see it both times hadn't been my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 750

You deserved it 7 852

By disney - 26/11/2009 16:30 - United States

Today, I went to Disney World. I fell and hit my head while jumping up and down to see Ariel. I'm a 35 year-old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 873

You deserved it 43 507

By Cup_of___ - 26/11/2009 16:23 - United States

Today, I walked into a liquor store and thought about inquiring for a job application. After seeing the cashier, I thought about inquiring if she was single. After accidentally breaking three bottles of liquor, I didn't do either. I left the store, still single and unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 945

You deserved it 30 156

By harrypottermuch - 26/11/2009 11:50 - Canada

Today, I found out there's a Harry Potter club at my school. My boyfriend is in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 344

You deserved it 43 113

By moviewalker - 26/11/2009 06:18 - United States

Today, my parents and I went to the movies for my mom's birthday. After the movie, my mom and dad got into a fight, and left me at the movies. My cell phone was dead, and my house was about 12 miles away. They finally came and picked me up, hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 911

You deserved it 3 184

Rush

By Embarassedd - 26/11/2009 05:01 - Canada

Today, my husband and I were at a wedding. When the DJ announced that the bar was open, my hubby was the only one to RUN to the bar while the other husbands stayed behind to dance with their wives, eyeing us in a weird way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 828

You deserved it 4 463

By IlikeGreenPlants - 26/11/2009 02:41 - United States

Today, I found out that the plant in my kitchen that I have been watering for almost 2 years is fake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 915

You deserved it 54 716

By Anonymous - 26/11/2009 02:09 - United States

Today, I saw a my neighbor being mugged on the street. I wanted to help, so I tried to yank her purse from the mugger's hands. I guess my neighbor didn't see me clearly, because she thought I was another mugger and kicked my directly in the happy sacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 648

You deserved it 3 605

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I was watching a movie with my family in which a character said "Fuck you, dad." My dad then slapped me over the head to get my attention and said, "Never talk to your father like that." Okay, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 050

You deserved it 4 486

Today, I recently woke up colourblind and so far no doctor or surgeon can tell me why. I'm a graphic designer, I went to university and put years of practise into this specific skill set, I need to see in colour or this could cost me my job and ruin my career prospects. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 593

You deserved it 82

Today, I stepped outdoors for a minute. The wind blew the door shut, locking me outside. I've spent the last two hours pounding frantically on the windows, trying to wake my 4 year old son who is inside. I can see him sleeping soundly on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 713

You deserved it 6 032

Today, at work, a customer commented that I look like Zach Galifianakis. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 510

You deserved it 172

Today, a learner driver was practicing maneuvers in the parking lot at work. This happens a lot, and my colleagues and I usually have fun watching and laughing. It was all fun and games as usual, until the learner crashed into my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 643

You deserved it 2 557

Today, a customer asked if we stocked gluten-free water. Then she got pissed when I laughed at what I thought was her joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 172

You deserved it 1 069