Miscellaneous

By Chris - 12/08/2010 01:55 - United States

Today, I was watching TV when a Toy Story 3 commercial came on. My Mom said, "Oh, I remember when I took you to see Toy Story. Now Andy's all grown up and so are you. The only difference is Andy is going to college and you're not." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 227

You deserved it 46 104

By Jorgina226 - 11/08/2010 16:33 - United States

Today, I found my old sewing machine I got when I was a kid. I never used it before, because when I was younger, I was afraid I might sew my fingers. Laughing at myself, I decided to sew up an old bag. I sewed my thumb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 943

You deserved it 27 102

By Brandon - 10/08/2010 23:19 - United States

Today, my mom was taking an online IQ test. To the question "On which continent is Canada located?" she responded "Antarctica." If intelligence is genetic, I'm screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 524

You deserved it 3 710

Drilled

By dammit - 10/08/2010 05:19 - United States

Today, there was a fire drill at my school. I was in the bathroom taking a dump, and if that wasn't bad enough, I got suspended for two days for 'improper procedure during a fire drill'. I didn't know you could get suspended for taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 405

You deserved it 4 387

By mitsuko045 - 10/08/2010 00:33 - Ireland

Today, after moving into my new house, I agreed to let my house mates have a house warming on the condition it be a small one, as I have exams all day that day and one that I can't fail on the very next morning. The facebook event guest list now has 100+ confirmed guests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 177

You deserved it 25 973

By goodstudent - 09/08/2010 17:44 - United States

Today, I was supposed to take a test, but the professor didn't have it ready because he went to a concert last night. I sold my own tickets to that very concert in order to study for the test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 708

You deserved it 4 673

By Username - 09/08/2010 16:08 - France

Today, the sprinklers in the hotel room came on and stayed on. There was no fire. My family is currently living in the hotel, so everything we own is soaked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 936

You deserved it 2 915

By Widowmaker - 09/08/2010 04:03 - France

Today, I told my father I registered for the Marines, and that I'm leaving for bootcamp next week. He asked if this means that he doesn't have to pay child support anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 426

You deserved it 3 532

By Lola - 08/08/2010 14:32 - United Kingdom

Today, we got new doors fitted. There were new locks on the bathroom, to the reluctance of my mother, who thought one of us would lock ourselves in. "Only an idiot would lock themselves in," I said, and shut the door to demonstrate. I locked myself in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 510

You deserved it 38 109

By Zinfandel - 07/08/2010 06:04 - United States

Today, I decided to clear up some storm damage. I carefully cut a tree that was threatening to fall on my house. It fell on my neighbor's house instead. He's taking me to court for damages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 192

You deserved it 36 979

By sicufovoshxbsjdk - 07/08/2010 02:22 - United States

Today, my grandma bought me a cemetery plot for my birthday. If that's not weird enough, it's about a two-minute walk from where the rest of my family will be buried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 337

You deserved it 2 623

By shitpile - 06/08/2010 18:09 - United States

Today, I was at a water park with my family. While on the 100ft slide, my father decided it would be a great idea to pants me. I slipped and went down the 100ft slide naked for everyone to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 507

You deserved it 4 052

By Shouldaknown - 06/08/2010 05:12 - United States

Today, I decided to watch a movie I hadn't seen before to bring my spirits up, as I've been feeling down lately. How did the movie end? Everybody died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 188

You deserved it 8 412

By Tired - 05/08/2010 18:38 - United States

Today, I got home from work to find the door locked and dead bolted, so I used my cell to call the home phone while banging on the door. My stepmom came out of her room, looked right at me, laughed, and went back to bed. This is the fifth time she's done this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 678

You deserved it 3 772

By LaRae17 - 04/08/2010 14:40 - United States

Today, I went to an elementary school for volunteer work. I was asked to read to a group of kids during one of the classes. Before I started reading, a girl raised her hand and asked me if I had a boyfriend and if I was single. I asked her why and she said "My daddy wanted to know." I'm 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 353

You deserved it 3 980

By Username - 04/08/2010 05:18 - France

Today, I walked into my bedroom, only to find out that my bed is missing. I have no idea where it is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 035

You deserved it 3 834

By jkin47 - 04/08/2010 01:44 - United States

Today, I moved into my new college apartment for the next year. A 45 year old guy with a mustache in short shorts and no shirt answers the door. He will be one of my roommates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 683

You deserved it 4 046

By fatty - 03/08/2010 22:37 - United States

Today, my family and I watched Madagascar 2. When we got to the part where Gloria the hippopotamus is praised for her chunkyness, my little sister looked at me and said, "If you were a hippo, maybe then you would get a date." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 176

You deserved it 7 430

Fight Club

By MyFaceHurts - 03/08/2010 10:40 - United States

Today, while at a local bar, my friends and I were approached by an overly intoxicated man who asked us each politely if we wanted to fight. Thinking it was a joke, I said yes. It wasn't a joke, I now have a broken nose and a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 859

You deserved it 55 555

By Jesse from - 03/08/2010 10:21 - United States

Today, I tried to act nonchalant in front of my neighbors, and swing my lanyard around with my keys on it. It flew off my finger and into their yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 250

You deserved it 39 007

By nowhereman1990 - 03/08/2010 04:23 - Venezuela

Today, I heard on a local radio a song I wrote almost 2 years ago. Apparently, after my family and I moved away, my former band found a new guitar player, and that song is now the first single of their debut LP. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 205

You deserved it 4 102

By manicmandy - 01/08/2010 20:24 - United States

Today, I learned that ice cubes do not cool down hot oil. Instead, it causes a massive explosion of hot grease to splatter all over my parents' kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 503

You deserved it 78 606

By Intoxicunt - 01/08/2010 18:51 - United States

Today, while tubing down the river, we stopped for lunch. I accidentally left my shoes on the sand when we left. I had to walk two miles through dense woods with no trail and no shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 737

You deserved it 31 802

Intoxicunt tells us more.

Intoxicunt 5

Monday 2 August 2010 2:22

I did NOT go back to get them! God, can you people NOT read? Read ALL of the other comments where I explain what happened. I'll repeat it. I did not go back for them. Again, I did not go back for them. How many times do I have to ******* say it!?!?

By college kid - 31/07/2010 04:39 - United States

Today, I found out that the day I moved out of my parents' house, they invited my whole family over and had a party to celebrate the fact that I was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 259

You deserved it 5 389

By ick - 31/07/2010 01:44 - United States

Today, I was repainting the walls in my room. While painting, I noticed a dark spot on the wall that wouldn't seem to go away no matter how much paint I put on it. A bucket of paint and hours later, I realized that "dark spot" was a shadow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 628

You deserved it 60 134

By annoyed - 29/07/2010 08:02 - United States

Today, I came home from vacation to discover that one of my friends had broken into my house, painted my room a hideous color, ruined my hardwood floors with the paint, and left huge mess for me to clean. When I confronted her about it, she called me ungrateful. Everyone I know agrees with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 660

You deserved it 4 167

BoondockSaint9 tells us more.

BoondockSaint9 0

Friday 30 July 2010 1:13

Hey, this is the OP...just made an account to clarify this. She painted my room black, then tried to paint turquoise stripes over it. The hardwood floor might be fixable, yeah, but getting the black paint out of my white carpet...? Not so much. Not to mention she broke my patio door to get in...and she tried to poor the extra paint down the drain in my bathroom sink, so that's all clogged up. Needless to say, she's not my friend anymore...if I can get her to pay for the damages and a painter to fix my room, I won't press charges.

By runandmope - 29/07/2010 03:00 - United States

Today, while on my run, I saw a middle-aged man sleeping near a business condo. I approached him and asked if he was "ok." He grabbed my leg, held onto it with a death-grip, and moped about how horrible his life was - for ten minutes. At least the weather was nice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 837

You deserved it 8 967