Miscellaneous

By Anonymous - 07/11/2011 00:26 - Reserved

Today, it's my 21st birthday. My parents' gift was a case of non-alcoholic beer, to "prepare" me for when I "turn 21." My parents can't even remember how old I am. FML

agreeclassic 34 960

vote type 1 2 417

By wellthisisawkward80 - 06/11/2011 05:15 - United States

Today, I was attending my bachelor party. I watched a very attractive young girl dancing on a pole, giving me a seductive look. As she walked up to me, I realized it was my soon-to-be wife's younger sister. FML

agreeclassic 34 643

vote type 1 17 988

By XxFA1LxX - 06/11/2011 05:14 - Canada

Today, I scored the winning goal in my soccer tournament. For the other team. FML

agreeclassic 32 752

vote type 1 18 106

XxFA1LxX app_comment_confession_title

XxFA1LxX 4

Monday 7 November 2011 5:54

It was a deflection. It's not like I was stupid enough to purposely shoot on my own net.

By mimiani - 05/11/2011 23:58 - Nigeria

Today, I watched Change-Up with my dad. He made us leave half-way through the movie, because he thought I was too young to watch a movie this explicit. I'm 25. FML

agreeclassic 31 798

vote type 1 3 263

mimiani app_comment_confession_title

mimiani 7

Sunday 6 November 2011 15:12

I am a woman and it was really awkward watching it with my dad.

By sophhiee - 05/11/2011 11:45 - United States

Today, I was over at a friend's house for a party. I was trying to strike up a conversation with one of my cute guy friends, so I showed him this funny picture of me that my friend took. His reply was "Hahahaa those Fatbooth pictures are hilarious!" It wasn't a Fatbooth picture. FML

agreeclassic 36 770

vote type 1 7 215

By mcadabax - 05/11/2011 11:06 - Canada

Today, during my friend's group's science project presentation, the teacher yelled at me, "Stop making stupid faces at the presenters!" I was smiling. FML

agreeclassic 31 305

vote type 1 3 896

By kdeeeceee - 05/11/2011 07:25 - United States

Today, my girlfriend sent me a sexy picture of herself in my boxers. I thought it would be funny to take a picture of myself in the thong she left in my room and send it to her. She thought it would be funnier on Facebook. FML

agreeclassic 28 414

vote type 1 50 112

Run!

By Anonymous - 05/11/2011 01:21 - United States

Today, I was dared to walk home through a rough part of town. My rep hung in the balance, so I accepted. A kid kicked a football in my direction, so I kicked it back at him hard. It hit him in the nuts, and the next thing I know, I'm running for my life from three bald, shirtless, six-packed thugs. FML

agreeclassic 15 812

vote type 1 37 602

By Ariel_Mariaa - 04/11/2011 23:25 - Canada

Today, I went to see the latest Paranormal Activity movie with my mother. We were terrified and held hands at one point. The person sitting behind us thought it would be hilarious to abruptly scream into my mother's ear. She reacted by flailing and driving her arm straight into my face. FML

agreeclassic 29 547

vote type 1 4 292

By Anonymous - 04/11/2011 19:38 - United States

Today, for the first time in years, I broke down in tears, over a Hallmark commercial. FML

agreeclassic 26 214

vote type 1 6 869

By Tyler Smith - 03/11/2011 11:48 - United States

Today, my girlfriend thinks my house is filled with ghosts. She can only hear them when I fart. FML

agreeclassic 28 413

vote type 1 5 729

By Grounded - 03/11/2011 09:18 - United States

Today, my parents told me that they've been having a contest to see who could punish me the most this week. So far, my mom is in the lead by kicking me out of the car near railroad tracks, and making me walk the 4 miles home in the freezing rain. FML

agreeclassic 45 983

vote type 1 3 360

By Anonymous - 03/11/2011 03:58 - United States

Today, I went to the bank to make a deposit. While I was waiting on my transaction, the bank tellers were making fun of me. I could tell cause I heard them through the speaker. FML

agreeclassic 33 160

vote type 1 2 650

By ...loud noises...urgh... - 02/11/2011 16:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I have my first university lecture on lab safety. Having gone out the night before with my house-mates, I have the worst hangover of my life, and have to listen for an hour and a half while they loudly demonstrate the types of alarms we'll hear in different kinds of emergencies. FML

agreeclassic 14 217

vote type 1 51 358

By Anonymous - 02/11/2011 15:15 - United States

Today, my mom learned how to use the text messaging on her smartphone. I've received 37 already, and she calls after every single one to make sure I understood her. FML

agreeclassic 40 237

vote type 1 3 276

By bakedplum - 01/11/2011 17:52 - United States

Today, I went grocery shopping. Being a bartender, I had a huge wad of dollar bills from cash tips. As I was counting them at the register, I looked at the cashier and joked, "You probably think I'm a stripper or something." He looked me up and down and said, "Uh... hell no." FML

agreeclassic 27 824

vote type 1 23 842

By candice - 01/11/2011 09:09 - Reserved

Today, I had to tell all the trick-or-treaters that I'd run out of candy. I'd actually bought about $50 worth of candy, but managed to eat all of it by myself, sitting alone in my apartment, exactly like last year. FML

agreeclassic 14 532

vote type 1 46 618

By Anonymous - 01/11/2011 09:03 - United States

Today, my best friend threw my football over a wall, so we hopped over to go and get it. Next thing we know, we're both surrounded by men pointing guns in our faces. FML

agreeclassic 38 409

vote type 1 7 545

By Anonymous - 01/11/2011 00:36 - United States

Today, one of my neighbors dressed up in the exact same costume as me. Every house I go to refuses to give me candy because my neighbor has already been there. FML

agreeclassic 34 321

vote type 1 3 527

By anonymous - 31/10/2011 19:11 - United States

Today, I woke up excited to go trick-or-treating, the treat being candy. Instead, my town has officially postponed Halloween due to blackouts. I guess this is where the trick comes in. FML

agreeclassic 27 442

vote type 1 3 745

By Anonymous - 31/10/2011 16:22 - United States

Today, I convinced my teacher to let me resit a very important test I failed. I got a lower score the second time around. FML

agreeclassic 12 567

vote type 1 35 868

Just joking, dude!

By spacemanspiff78 - 31/10/2011 15:07

Today, while standing in line at the supermarket, I reached past my wife to get a pack of gum. She jokingly did the "battered wife flinch" to get a laugh, and smiled at me from behind her hand. The cop staring at us obviously didn't notice the smile and definitely didn't think it was funny. FML

agreeclassic 31 298

vote type 1 4 232

By Anonymous - 31/10/2011 10:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I turned in an overdue English assignment at college. My instructor accused me of plagiarism, writing that my sentence structure was "TO" good. Seriously? FML

agreeclassic 37 062

vote type 1 4 409

By Anonymous - 30/10/2011 23:36 - United States

Today, I saw a group of attractive guys at the mall. One of them looked exactly like a friend, so I decided to take a picture. Trying to be discreet, I put my phone up to my ear as if I was making a phone call, and pressed the capture button. The flash went off. FML

agreeclassic 9 528

vote type 1 46 867

By yum yogurt - 30/10/2011 20:15 - United States

Today, I punched myself in the face while trying to eat a GoGurt. FML

agreeclassic 28 461

vote type 1 17 149

By Anonymous - 30/10/2011 16:57 - United States

Today, I was called ugly and viciously ridiculed by a couple of teenage girls. They were wearing uggs and vests that made them look like a freak-show of bleached pomeranians. FML

agreeclassic 33 948

vote type 1 3 179

By Anonymous - 30/10/2011 13:16 - United States

Today, I spent two hours driving all over town looking for a store that sold pumpkins. When I finally found some, I was charged ten dollars per pumpkin. Later, I went to my town's annual Halloween festival and discovered they were giving pumpkins away for free. FML

agreeclassic 28 104

vote type 1 9 160

By Anonymous - 30/10/2011 11:38 - United States

Today, I learned that when the power goes out at my house, my family thinks you can no longer flush the toilet. FML

agreeclassic 32 664

vote type 1 3 264

By Anonymous - 30/10/2011 01:34 - United Kingdom

Today, while trying to get my phone to charge, I shoved in the cable harder and harder and tried to wobble it so my phone would charge. After snapping the USB input from the force, I saw the plug was switched off. FML

agreeclassic 7 701

vote type 1 44 213

By bethanygirl - 29/10/2011 19:46 - United States

Today, I had to cancel my birthday party because of snow. It's October. FML

agreeclassic 32 721

vote type 1 5 057

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I thought everything went well, until I got a text from him later saying, "Come on mom, she isn't THAT bad." FML

agreeclassic 33 779

vote type 1 2 595

Today, my boss is such an unfeeling asshole that he seriously thought he could demand I only stay at my best friend's funeral for 45 minutes then return to work, because it was “just a friend, not a relative', and that when his mother died he "took a whole 2 hours off and was back at work by 11:45.” FML

agreeclassic 599

vote type 1 92

Today, my girlfriend sent me a naked picture of herself and I wish she hadn't. FML

agreeclassic 32 964

vote type 1 79 799

Today, me and my boyfriend had sex but stopped when I felt pain downstairs. That evening he wanted me to go to the emergency room but I wanted to sleep it off. Turned out I needed surgery. One of my fallopian tubes had ripped. The sex was so rough, I got an intravenous hemorrhage. FML

agreeclassic 6 665

vote type 1 901

Today, I wasn't sure whether it was past the time when they stopped giving out parking tickets. I checked the meters on either side of my car, and both were expired, so I figured I was good. I came back out to all three of us having tickets. FML

agreeclassic 568

vote type 1 1 984

Today, a girl I'd been talking to all night actually wanted to come home with me. Stopped to buy condoms. Got home, clothes came off, took out a condom. "Sorry, I'm allergic to latex". She left in a cab. I'm a 27-year old virgin for another night and now have a box of condoms to remind me. FML

agreeclassic 29 159

vote type 1 3 243