Miscellaneous

By Anonymous - 04/02/2013 01:20 - United States

Today, I was given a wedgie by a complete stranger in a crowded bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 557

You deserved it 3 271

By wetqueefa - 03/02/2013 09:58 - United States - Union City

Today, I walked in on my mom drenched in tears, barely able to speak. I ran to get her some tissues and a nice cup of tea to calm her down. After a few minutes of sitting in silence, I asked her if she wanted to talk about what happened. She watched an episode of Gossip Girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 904

You deserved it 3 183

By Anonymous - 03/02/2013 07:32 - Canada - Campbell River

Today, I was running late for work and quickly grabbed my outfit from the dryer. I heard the crackling of static as I took out my shirt. I didn't think anything of it, until later when my co-worker pointed out I had a thong stuck to my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 288

You deserved it 7 887

By wilks311 - 02/02/2013 14:12 - United States - Southampton

Today, I discovered the true meaning of being scared shitless. My father in a clown costume emerged from my closet. Needless to say something emerged from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 198

You deserved it 3 027

wilks311 tells us more.

wilks311 10

Saturday 2 February 2013 20:26

It all started at my five year old birthday party...where I met Bobo the clown...he scared me.

By ineedalife - 02/02/2013 12:08 - Australia

Today, I got so lonely I decided to make sock puppets and play with them. I played for four hours straight, only to be interrupted by a phone call. I didn't answer because my sock puppets were "on a date" and I didn't want to stop playing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 536

You deserved it 22 468

Shook

By footfetish - 02/02/2013 11:21 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, a male employee at a shoe shop helped me try on shoes. Once I found a pair, I went to pay for them. I was telling the cashier about how great of an employee he was when she told me there were no male employees. A guy with a foot fetish helped me find shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 734

You deserved it 4 601

By Anonymous - 02/02/2013 07:50 - United States - Tucson

Today, as I was leaving for my chemistry exam, I stepped on one of the countless sheets of chemistry notes that littered the floor following last night's studying. I managed to slip and knock myself out in my own living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 221

You deserved it 6 582

By VMV - 01/02/2013 23:53 - Spain - Abrera

Today, I desperately needed to pee, so I decided to confront my anxiety issues and use a public toilet. I opened the lid, only to see several huge, rancid floaters staring back at me. I had an attack, started sobbing, and pissed myself on the way home. Never again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 183

You deserved it 9 434

By kylie18xx21 - 01/02/2013 15:26 - United States

Today, I had to leave my ACT prep class ten minutes in to pick up my drunken father from his best friend's baby shower. I picked him up along with a bill for the damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 480

You deserved it 2 309

By heallven - 31/01/2013 12:26 - France - Ostricourt

Today, my loyalty and regularity at my local pizza place were noticed. The delivery guy, when bringing yet another order, asked me if the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were living with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 591

You deserved it 11 484

By Why Me? - 31/01/2013 09:07 - United States - Scranton

Today, I found out that I have a highly irrational fear of little people. I made this self discovery when my mother introduced the family to her new fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 562

You deserved it 5 296

By Anonymous - 31/01/2013 05:40 - United States - Fairfield

Today, I was driving around with a few friends when one of them suggested we go in to an insurance company's office and sing their jingle. I'm an awful singer, so I was planning on lip syncing. Everyone else had the same idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 113

You deserved it 38 238

By anonymous - 31/01/2013 04:02 - Canada - Fergus

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our anniversary. I had cooked him a romantic meal and we were planning on eating it in front of the fire. This would have gone great had I not forgotten to unblock the chimney. My entire basement filled with smoke and didn't clear for three hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 641

You deserved it 28 891

By thegirlofthedad - 29/01/2013 09:48 - India - Mumbai

Today, I saw a lady who had fainted. I ran over to help, only to find out that she was unstable and had a knife in her hand. She was pointing it at me, and growled threateningly every time I tried to move away. It took the cops an hour to defuse the situation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 694

You deserved it 2 814

By Anonymous - 29/01/2013 04:44 - United States

Today, I was telling my boyfriend how proud I am of him for finding a really good job. He interrupted me to tell me that my breath smelled like his cat's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 408

You deserved it 8 860

By thrifty gone wrong - 28/01/2013 17:24 - United States - El Cajon

Today, I received a birthday present from a friend. It was the very same gift I gave to her for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 063

You deserved it 4 348

By hopelessteej - 28/01/2013 13:55 - Australia - Sydney

Today, someone put a whole packet of glitter on the blades of my ceiling fan. Too bad I only noticed when I turned it on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 151

You deserved it 4 098

Flattered

By Creeped out - 28/01/2013 08:14 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I was trying on some shoes. As I was bending down, an old lady with a walking frame slowly approached. As she got close she whispered to me, "Mmm, you've got a nice tushie." My girlfriend will not let me hear the end of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 219

You deserved it 3 714

Tainted

By Anonymous - 27/01/2013 06:10 - United States - Batesville

Today, I decided to change my hair color. After waiting in anticipation, I took a shower to rinse out the dye and reveal my new, blue hair. Rinsing revealed not only blue hair, but blue skin caused by the watered dye running over my body. I now look like a smurf, and it's not coming out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 468

You deserved it 42 641

By LucidNightmare - 27/01/2013 05:38 - United States - Englewood

Today, I got a text from an unknown number saying, "You shouldn't be eating that." I was eating a piece of chocolate, cheating on my diet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 771

You deserved it 18 702

By twohoursclosertodeath - 26/01/2013 22:57 - United States - Austin

Today, I had to suffer through a two-hour long trivia game with my boyfriend's family. As if that wasn't annoying enough, my boyfriend caused the pair of us to lose by just a single point, because he answered "Quebec" to the question of "What is the capital city of France?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 328

You deserved it 7 174

By go snope yourself - 26/01/2013 21:51 - United Kingdom

Today, I was debating which hurts more: child-birth or a kick to the testicles. Some guy spouted the old urban legend that a nut-kick is 9000 "dels", and giving birth is 57, so I proved that no such measurement of pain exists. His comeback was to sucker-punch me to the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 289

You deserved it 8 783

By Sarah - 26/01/2013 05:14 - United States

Today, my mom barged into my room at three in the morning, demanding to know where I'd been. I'd been in my room sleeping since ten o'clock. In that time she had called the police, all of my friends, and my ex-boyfriend, asking if I was with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 307

You deserved it 2 484

By stelssy - 26/01/2013 05:03 - United States

Today, while reading in the bath, I accidentally switched the shower on. Not wanting my book to get soaked, I threw it out of the tub. When I got out of the tub later, I found it had landed squarely in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 280

You deserved it 12 991

By protoplasm stole my seat - 26/01/2013 01:24 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, a pregnant woman got on the bus. There were no free seats, so I stood up to give her mine. An obese man pushed past her, waddled over, and oozed into my seat. I said it was for the pregnant lady. He called me a "sexist bitch" and claimed he needed it more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 523

You deserved it 2 820

By Anonymous - 25/01/2013 22:41 - United States

Today, my school's ski trip got canceled, because "All the snow makes the roads unsafe." We can't go skiing because it's snowing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 637

You deserved it 3 325

By Anonymous - 25/01/2013 05:39 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, at my 6-year-old son's birthday party, I had to explain to my boyfriend that it's not okay to use condoms as party balloons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 910

You deserved it 6 342

TMI

By awkwardturtle - 25/01/2013 05:31 - Canada - London

Today, I went to buy a birthday present for my boyfriend. While buying him a sweater, the cashier tried to up-sale me by asking if my boyfriend wore briefs or boxers, because both were on sale. Not thinking, I blurted out, "I don't know, they just come off." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 708

You deserved it 13 838

By oh ffs - 25/01/2013 01:13 - United States

Today, I met with my Bolivian friend, who's vacationing here for a few weeks. Eager to show him how welcoming we are in the USA, I took him home and introduced him to my parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "Bolivia? That's in Europe, right? We saved your asses in World War 2." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 456

You deserved it 4 023

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, my dad squirted water at me. Fortunately, I blocked it. Unfortunately, I blocked it with my new $200 camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 116

You deserved it 24 436

Today, I realized that the only time my girlfriend ever calls me is when she's drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 364

You deserved it 4 620

Today I went to the bus station to pick up a lost phone. Even after calling ahead the day before, I was turned away because I hadn't e-mailed. The website says to call and doesn't list an e-mail. I still don't have the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 653

You deserved it 470

Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school. They found her on the roof, threatening to kill herself. I had to pretend to sound scared and sad over the phone, but in reality, the only emotion I could feel was extreme joy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 262

You deserved it 1 828

Today, a guy on Tinder matched with me. I reached for my phone so fast, I slipped and broke my nose against the toilet, then when I tried to use the bowl as support to stand up, my hand slipped and I slammed my broken nose right back onto the toilet. Don’t think Mr Tinder is seeing me tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 850

You deserved it 418

Today, I got stuck in an elevator with a group of people who smelled like they bathed in garlic. It was so bad that I'm pretty sure Dracula would have tried to claw his way out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 702

You deserved it 107