Awkward

Flavor of the month

By potpurri_needed - 10/06/2009 17:37 - United States

Today, I was doing the laundry but couldn't tell if one basket contained dirty clothes or clean clothes. I put my head down into the basket and took a whiff to check, and smelled something strong. I looked down and noticed I had shoved my nose into my mother's dirty panties and inhaled deeply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 198

You deserved it 61 007

Charming

By lagirl - 09/06/2009 05:27 - United States

Today, I had a date with this really cute guy. He invited me over to make dinner at his place. Eventually we end up in his bedroom to have sex. He pulls down my panties and says, "You need to shave that shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 486

You deserved it 70 404

Keep it hidden

By doomed - 09/06/2009 01:28 - New Zealand

Today, the girl I'm in love with invited me to stay with her in Europe for 2 weeks, she's even paying for the flights and accommodation. It's because I'm such a special friend to her, and she wants me to come up to meet her fiancé before she gets married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 997

You deserved it 6 361

Close but no cigar

By loner - 07/06/2009 12:28 - United States

Today, I was sitting in class when the most popular girl in my grade came up to me holding birthday invitation cards. I've never been invited to a birthday party, so I was so excited when she handed me a card, only to hear her say, "Mary is on your bus, will you give this to her?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 374

You deserved it 4 734

Work harder

By zep - 07/06/2009 11:41 - United States

Today, I was hard at work cleaning up from a party I had while my parents were out for the night. Not a bottle of beer or a red cup was left for them to find. However, my parents did find two of my friends in their bedroom, still passed out and naked from beer and sex last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 369

You deserved it 79 728

Ewwwww

By EwFace - 06/06/2009 16:23 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a little boy. I opened up a new bottle of bubbles and it was all goopy and gross so I said, "Eww!" The boy then asked, "What's "ew" mean?" I replied, "Something gross and yucky." Then he pointed at my face and say "Ew! Ew! Ewwww!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 626

You deserved it 8 911

Benched

By fmlprobot - 04/06/2009 23:48 - United States

Today, my baseball team had a game and one of our best players was injured sliding into first. I'm pretty fast so when the coach called my name I grabbed a helmet assuming it was finally my chance to get in the game. Turns out he just wanted me to get ice. The entire team couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 424

You deserved it 4 683

Waiting around

By Anonymous - 04/06/2009 14:46 - Australia

Today, my fiancé of two years told me he was bored of me and he'd just prolonged the engagement to see if anyone more interesting would come along in the mean time. He was upset because no one did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 520

You deserved it 3 597

Brain freeze

By Anonymous - 02/06/2009 23:13 - United States

Today, I was working my job as a waitress near my college. I handed a customer her check, and she noticed that I had added her bill wrong. I apologized, and she pointed to my "student" labeled nametag, asking what I was studying. I said English. I'm a math major. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 124

You deserved it 47 095

Just in case

By thanksbaby - 01/06/2009 05:55 - United States

Today, my fiancé and I were cuddling in bed talking about our future wedding coming up. He leaned over seductively to tell me he got a present for me to ‘use’ on our wedding day. It was a pack of breath mints. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 019

You deserved it 11 586

Sorry, dude

By kiki - 25/05/2009 01:35 - United States

Today, I was working at a grocery store and a man came to my register to ask for the price of a mop. I took the mop from him to scan it without realizing the pole was between his legs. I hit him in the crotch with the pole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 902

You deserved it 12 634

Flex

By bigblue51 - 22/05/2009 12:09 - United States

Today, while interviewing for a job, I had to read over the physical requirements for the job. Later on, she asked me how flexible I was. Trying to keep a straight face, I told her I was more flexible while I was playing sports but could work on it if I need to. She was talking about work hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 470

You deserved it 48 194

By Anonymous - 19/05/2009 08:40 - Canada

Today, I was in my Cosmetic Application class, and we were about to apply foundation to our models. I walk over to my friend and say, "Wow, that foundation is really orange and blotchy." Then the model turns to me and says, "Actually, we haven't started yet… that's just my skin." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 928

You deserved it 58 374

Get out there

By imnotTHATlonely - 18/05/2009 20:43 - United States

Today, two of my cousins sat me down and said they wanted to give me an early birthday present. With straight faces, they looked at me and said: "We signed you up for eHarmony, and paid for 12 months." Not only do my cousins think I need help finding a boyfriend, but they think it'll take a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 364

You deserved it 5 814

Late start

By Rachel - 18/05/2009 15:23 - United States

Today, I was planning on meeting my friend at the mall. She came late, and I was in the dressing room trying on a few things. When I came out to meet her, she looked at me oddly and said, "You shouldn't buy that, it looks terrible on you." Those were the clothes I came in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 828

You deserved it 5 360

Nope

By frenchpie - 17/05/2009 12:05 - Korea Republic of

Today, the guy I liked came over for dinner with some friends. One of them asked him if we were dating, he became so distraught he started to choke on the food I had made, in his haste to tell them that in no uncertain terms, were we together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 524

You deserved it 4 179

Panic!

By bosssssssss765432 - 16/05/2009 15:20 - United States

Today, I was at the doctor and I had to get a fingerstick in the lab to get blood drawn. There was a 6 year-old boy waiting to go next. He was terrified. His mother told him to, "Watch this brave girl go first." I panicked and began to hyperventilate. The kid fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 947

You deserved it 9 768

Nice try

By UncleRory - 16/05/2009 09:13 - United States

Today, I was shopping at a supermarket. As I was about to pay for my items, I noticed the cashier was very cute. Trying to be nice, I smiled. She smiled back and said, "Hello, how are you?" Instead of saying, "I'm good" or, "I'm okay", I said, "I'm gay". FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 333

You deserved it 25 535

Away with the fairies

By peoplesuck - 14/05/2009 07:51 - United States

Today, I stayed up all night to study for my anatomy final at 9 a.m. I studied outside the testing room in the hall all night. Apparently, I fell asleep with my headphones on, as my friend woke me up after walking out of the test, asking how I did. 300 classmates walked by and no one woke me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 155

You deserved it 15 580

Choking hazard

By notsexy - 09/05/2009 15:51 - United States

Today, I tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out, swallowed, and started choking on the condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 106

You deserved it 83 437

Hiya!

By Jon - 05/05/2009 00:46 - United States

Today, I saw my neighbor's son mowing their lawn when suddenly he started to do this crazy dance. Chuckling at his antics, I waved and walked back into my house. His mom called me from a hospital later to ask if I could put the mower away; he had been attacked by bees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 547

You deserved it 47 407

The cupcake incident

By kandi - 04/05/2009 07:34 - Philippines

Today, while at the bakeshop, I got bored waiting in line so I rested on the glass protecting the cupcakes. Turns out there was no glass. I had to pay $50 to cover all the mess and had to walk out of the bakeshop with icing all over my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 454

You deserved it 79 874

It's called fashion

By anonymous - 04/05/2009 05:40 - United States

Today, I went into work to set up a new store. There was a lot of lifting so I dressed casual. This happened to be the day the owner brought in his conservative family to check out the store. I was wearing a shirt that says "Everyone Poops" and has a donkey and elephant pooping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 445

You deserved it 60 585

Best day of my life

By Cherub - 03/05/2009 22:16 - United Kingdom

Today, it's my wedding day. It was meant to be perfect. The bouquet, along with a high pollen count, set my hay fever off. I walked down the aisle in front of 200 people with streaming eyes and a runny nose; I then had a sneezing fit during my vows and blew a large snot bubble. Real attractive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 117

You deserved it 7 834

Weird haircut

By mylifesucks123 - 03/05/2009 13:44 - United States

Today, I was driving to the grocery store with my 7 year-old son. As we were approaching a stop sign, I looked next to me and saw a guy with a triangle-shaped head. I said to my son, "Look at the guy with the triangle head." My window was open. So was his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 828

You deserved it 72 822

By Anonymous - 29/04/2009 22:46 - United States

Today, I was taking the subway to work when I saw a really hot girl. Noticing that she, like me, had a Dunkin' Donuts coffee, I tried to start a conversation by saying, "Is that Double Ds you have there?" She didn't pick up that I was talking about the coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 896

You deserved it 97 306

Strange kink

By Anonymous - 28/04/2009 00:43 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend when we started messing around. Things were getting really hot when he got a call from his best friend, whose grandfather had just died. As they were talking and I heard her crying, he unzipped his pants and mouthed, "She won't know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 006

You deserved it 7 537

Accidents will happen

By Anonymous - 27/04/2009 05:58 - United States

Today, at work, I managed to hit myself in the face with a large sheet pan. The force made me back into a shelf, which knocked a box off the top, which hit me in the head and knocked me out-cold. I now have a fat lip, a sore head, and bruises all over from the fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 024

You deserved it 9 313

Nerd

By cole - 24/04/2009 16:40 - United States

Today, I got approached by a hot young lady in a bar. After joking around for a few minutes she said, "Hey, I love your jacket, where'd you get that?" I then told her that it's actually a replica of the Indiana Jones jacket. This is when she remembered that she "had to go somewhere." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 541

You deserved it 61 617

Missed cues

By Kylene - 23/04/2009 19:51 - United States

Today, I had an interview for a job in a professor's lab. He seemed like a really nice, grandfatherly old guy. We got up to go take a look around the lab, and he held out his arms really wide to me… so I went in for a hug. Turns out he was just gesturing for me to go through the door first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 785

You deserved it 52 884

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my tie-rod snapped, forcing me into a parked car. The wheel literally flew off my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050

You deserved it 93

Today, I went to get a pedicure for the first time. My feet are VERY ticklish. I reflexively kicked the poor lady in the face, as I wet my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 616

You deserved it 17 446

Today, during an argument with my daughter, she screamed, "Everyone hates you!" and stormed off. I flopped down on the couch in frustration, where the cat jumped on my lap. "You love me, don't you?" I asked the cat. She crapped on my leg and went to my daughter's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 371

You deserved it 6 854

Today, my sweet tooth went to a whole different level when I took a swig out of a bottle of maple syrup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 137

You deserved it 12 282

Today, I woke up in the elevator of my apartment building in the middle of the night, without my keys, phone, or shoes. Turns out I have been sleepwalking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 283

You deserved it 1 734

Today, I found out my husband is sleeping with someone else, all because we haven’t had sex in a long time. He says, “Jerking off is too much work” and “I signed up to marry a human with a sex drive, not an emotionless robot.” He left out the fact that I’m grieving my mother’s death. Thanks for the support, Honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 805

You deserved it 390