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Hi I'm the OP, I'm glad I got published that's awesome! The doctor fixed up my nose and it already feels a lot better, I think it's mostly the morphine though. Anyway I learned my lesson with guns and I doubt my dad will let me touch one again for a LONG time.

By pabj208 - 22/12/2015 16:53 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend dumped me during what was supposed to be a romantic getaway at a remote log cabin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 798

You deserved it 1 776

Soooooo cute

By Anonymous - 21/12/2015 14:56 - United States - Seattle

Today, I learned that my girlfriend takes creepshots of me sleeping, and my mom likes them on her Instagram. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 149

You deserved it 2 162

By 117halo12345 - 17/12/2015 21:37 - United States - Sedgewickville

Today, I was showing my 4 year old some of my fire magic tricks. I ended up getting 2nd degree burns on my left hand and burnt off half of her hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 290

You deserved it 21 774

First date blues

By Anonymous - 28/05/2009 20:15 - Canada

Today, I was getting ready for my first date with a boy I really like when my dad insisted on meeting him. My dad is super protective and a cop. He cleaned his gun in front of my date and made it clear he had to be careful with me. My date started to cry when we got to the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 882

You deserved it 6 407

By sydysyd - 21/11/2010 23:43 - United States

Today, when I got home, I went into my room to find a Bratz doll and a Ken doll laying naked, on top of each other on my bed. Attached to them was a note that stated, "Please use your imagination and find other ways besides porn to get excited. The computer keeps getting viruses. Love, Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 496

You deserved it 54 132

By BlueB - 06/07/2013 15:42 - United States

Today, I realized that I am such a Grammar Nazi that when a porn star says something grammatically-incorrect, I lose my boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 906

You deserved it 20 960

By frenchboyfriend - 14/11/2010 00:28 - Australia

Today, was my girlfriend's birthday. I planned it to perfection: we went shopping, bowling, had lunch in a nice Italian restaurant, watched a French comedy, walked by the river. She also got many presents. Tonight, I was exhausted but happy for her... until she told me her birthday is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 797

You deserved it 38 320

frenchboyfriend tells us more.

frenchboyfriend 0

Monday 15 November 2010 5:51

The next day (on her actual birthday), I wished her a happy birthday again and luckily I still had a present for her (I had planned on giving her the nicest present right before bed the previous night but when she told me her birthday was the next day, I kept it for her real birthday!). :-)

By Anonymous - 25/07/2012 01:37 - United States - Solon Springs

Today, a customer punched me in the face for repeating their order back to them because they thought I was making fun of their speech impediment. I have the same speech impediment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 480

You deserved it 2 276

Petty thief

By Already Broke Asf - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Rock Hill

Today, my 19-year-old brother broke into my dorm and robbed me. When I tried to file a report, my brother went to my parents and told them that he took it because I owed him money on a bet. Guess who lost $92.50. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 361

You deserved it 2 413

Slippery

By Estranged Fiance - 26/12/2016 05:49 - United States

Today, my fiancé got impatient and passed a lady doing 15 mph under the speed limit. The lady was driving slowly in case the black ice in the other lane was in both. We spun out and drove right into a guard rail. I'd just filled the tank, so now I'm down $40 and need to pay for a rental too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 827

You deserved it 3 327

Eve of destruction

By Anonymous - 17/05/2019 16:31

Today, I learned that the landlord tenant act does not apply since I'm living in the same house as my landlord. She's making my life a living hell and breaking my things. I still have 3 months left in the contract. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 800

You deserved it 226

Panda

By Anonymous - 24/10/2015 01:32 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, at a family reunion, my grandpa loudly said that I look like "a cheap Vegas whore" because of my heavy purple eye-shadow. I could tell that a few other people agreed. I was too embarrassed to explain that the "eye-shadow" was just dark circles from fatigue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 576

You deserved it 2 424

By Stevie - 17/12/2016 03:15 - United States - Southfield

Today, I kindly explained to a client that she had calculated her CD interest wrong. She kindly responded that, as a nurse, she would never give me medical treatment if I was involved in a car accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 591

You deserved it 631

By Anonymous - 22/10/2015 19:02 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my two sons were fighting. I had to shout, "Give me that pillow" - the object over which they were quarrelling - and put them into two separate rooms. My sons are 12 and 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 406

You deserved it 2 999

By embarrassed - 18/08/2014 16:39 - United States - Great Neck

Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem, because that's what I sing in my head when having sex with his daughter so I last longer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 659

You deserved it 20 537

By SmallTownCutie - 29/05/2019 04:13

Today, I finally broke down and told my mom that I'd relapsed with my eating disorder. She told me to quit whining and eat a burger, because she didn't want to pay for another therapy session. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 139

You deserved it 498

Cartoonish

By mr_dinzaster - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, a dog came into my yard. I bent down to pet him, forgetting I had a burger in my hand. The dog grabbed it and ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 2 261

By sunflowers2k - 10/12/2016 03:27 - Canada - Fort Mcmurray

Today, like most weekends, I got swindled into being the designated driver for our group. Too bad this weekend was my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 229

You deserved it 1 470

sunflowers2k tells us more.

sunflowers2k 0

Saturday 10 December 2016 17:41

Lol! OP here, can't believe this got posted. I've always been the mother hen of my friends, and I really don't mind taking care of them. I'm not a big drinker anyways. But, all my friends had fun and my bf who hasn't been drunk in FOREVER had a great time, so that made it all worth it. Watching drunk people is pretty fun sometimes. :)