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By JordanAfml - 03/09/2015 21:14 - United States - Lake Havasu City

Today, I found my cat who's been missing for three days, sitting inside my neighbor's window. He won't answer the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 749

You deserved it 1 844

JordanAfml tells us more.

JordanAfml 3

Friday 4 September 2015 16:07

OP here. My cat is an indoor cat, we rescued her when she was 2 months old and she never left the house in the last 3 years. My dog popped a corner of the screen out of one of my windows and that's how my cat got outside. We went to all of our nearby neighbors asking them to keep an eye out for her, and the particular person who has my cat hates my husband. We thought it was strange he was being so nice and friendly towards us the first day, and now we know why.

Marvel Comics

By Anonymous - 14/07/2011 16:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend fingered me. He never cuts his nails. It felt like I was getting intimate with Wolverine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 866

You deserved it 15 929

So many questions

By Anonymous - 24/03/2021 13:59

Today, I work at the DMV. My ex-husband’s sister came in for a last name change. When I looked at the marriage license and her other documents, it was revealed that she was never his sister. My ex-husband is now her husband. Now I understand why they always spent time alone together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 123

You deserved it 138

Teaching moment

By poolboy - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was working as a swim instructor for kids. Teaching them not to be afraid of the water, I put my face in the water and blew bubbles. I asked them to try it. All of them did, except for one. I went right to him and blew bubbles again. He then said to me, "But I just peed in that water." FML

I agree, your life sucks 94 677

You deserved it 9 403

It's just a prank, bro!

By Anonymous - 13/05/2012 12:15 - United States - Hanover

Today, I finally got the girl of my dreams to come over for a movie. When I answered the door, my little brother ran up behind me, yelled, "Geronimo!" and pulled down my pants and underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 210

You deserved it 3 232

By FlyAwayPlease - 25/08/2015 22:38 - United Kingdom - Mold

Today, the boy that I met online six months ago and expressed my love to sent me a picture of himself and confessed how old he really was: thirteen. I'm eighteen years old and holding a steady job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 287

You deserved it 8 303

Sorry mate, you're on your own

By LivingBroke - 21/08/2017 20:01

Today, I signed the lease for a flat that a mate and I decided to move into. About five minutes after leaving the renting agency, I received a text from my mate saying he couldn't move in with me after all. I am now the happy tenant of a large inner city flat that I can't afford. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 263

You deserved it 500

Butter fingers

By flop of shame - 17/08/2019 16:00

Today, I was walking into work holding a coffee and a bunch of other things. My employee saw me and held the door. I was almost there when I dropped my coffee, tried to catch it, tripped over the curb and fell flat on my face. I heard the door close while still lying there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 679

You deserved it 207

By fucking hell my eyes burn - 23/05/2014 22:46 - Germany

Today, I woke up and stumbled over to my window to soak up some morning sunshine. The sunshine was lovely; the sight of my elderly neighbour doing some kind of nude yoga in his backyard certainly was not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 397

You deserved it 6 013

Quick thinking

By rolyat - 01/05/2012 16:41 - United States - Rochester

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend for the first time. When I took my underwear off, she looked at my penis, snorted, and covered her mouth. She claimed that her "allergies" were flaring and we have to wait until they clear up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 784

You deserved it 4 014

Differences

By Alone - 21/05/2014 11:05 - United States - Washington

Today, I finally had a date, my first one in well over a year. Everything was going good, until my date asked, "Do you like cats or dogs better?" When I responded cats, my date promptly got up and left, saying, "This isn't meant to be." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 431

You deserved it 12 902

By InsideActress - 05/04/2009 19:11 - Canada

Today, the director of the play I'm in decided to explain why we got the parts we did. He said he tried matching our characters to who we actually are. I play a whore who's a transvestite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 891

You deserved it 6 655

Caught in 1080p

By wtf - 16/05/2014 22:25 - Australia - Narangba

Today, I started watching porn in my room with the volume muted. A minute later, my dad knocked on the door, so I closed everything and called him in. He just said, "Son, you disgust me." and walked out. Now I'm too paranoid to use my own computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 685

You deserved it 15 021

By gvmfvr - 08/05/2014 20:48 - France - Fontenay-sous-bois

Today, my little sister was in charge of doing the vacuuming, when she decided our hamster had "dust on his back". FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 48

By FreeToFly3733 - 19/08/2010 11:25 - Canada

Today, I finally found my cellphone when I heard WHACKWHACKWHACK inside the washing machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 069

You deserved it 29 355

By college will be fun they said - 16/09/2017 01:30 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I was running late to class and slipped down a staircase. Not only did nobody help me, but when I got up I noticed an old man staring at my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 642

You deserved it 436

Unionize!

By Anonymous - 09/09/2019 04:00 - United States

Today, my boss told me he was going to start taking money out of my pay, because his wife makes us lunch. I work for my dad, and he wants to start charging me because my mom makes me a sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 084

You deserved it 237

By Anna L. - 25/03/2013 00:23 - United States - San Antonio

Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a dementor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 192

You deserved it 6 593

Good job, team

By cam96 - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I woke up early and rushed to work to get to our first weekly safety meeting. I was the only one that remembered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 769

You deserved it 373

Airtight

By LanaStidolph - 02/12/2017 06:00

Today, I bought shampoos and household chemicals and was heading home on my bike when it started to rain. I felt a weird burning sensation down my back so I stopped and got off the bike. My backpack and jeans were covered in foam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 546

You deserved it 414

Feel this FML

By Anonymous - 30/07/2016 17:45 - Mexico - Saltillo

Today, I now know how it feels to have a splinter of wood hammered a full inch underneath your fingernail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 711

You deserved it 1 053

By Stressed Seamstress - 16/11/2017 06:00 - United States - Charlotte

Today, my usual 15 minute return trip from the fabric store took almost an hour and a half due to traffic. Once I finally got home, I realized I misunderstood the pattern I'm using and only bought half the fabric I needed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 344

You deserved it 786

Cropped

By Photoshopped - 18/07/2016 04:34 - United States - Athens

Today, I sent my grandfather a picture of me because he hasn't seen me in years. I guess I should wear makeup next time, because he sent back a heavily photoshopped and cropped version and told me how beautiful I look. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 419

You deserved it 960

By Biologyfacepalm - 03/03/2014 19:58 - United States

Today, my students presented their projects on genetics to the rest of the class. One student told the class that salted and unsalted peanuts were an example of genetic variation. She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 729

You deserved it 4 932

It's lit.

By Amy - 13/01/2018 01:30 - Hong Kong

Today, I went to a corporate event and lit my hair on fire in front of everyone due to an unfortunately-placed candle on the bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 291

You deserved it 520

Double trouble

By Monika - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my identical twin sister got in trouble for sneaking out of the house to see her boyfriend. My father decided to ground both of us, because it would be "too confusing" for him otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 086

You deserved it 5 168

I will always be in her thought

By Anonymous - 17/11/2019 18:00

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after being "pressured" into a relationship with another guy. But it's okay, she said she would think of me every time she made love to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 317

You deserved it 233

By Anonymous - 25/02/2012 03:07 - United States

Today, I was feeling frisky for the first time in months, so I started feeling up my husband. He kept insisting he had a headache and that he wasn't feeling it tonight. When I noticed his sarcasm, he said "Yeah, doesn't feel so great, does it?" and turned the TV volume up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 102

You deserved it 61 454

A step too far

By Charlie - 08/09/2009 10:46 - Australia

Today, it was raining. I was out walking with my girlfriend, and decided it would be cute if we did a bit of dancing in the rain. As I was swinging her around, I swung her head against a lamp post. She broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 510

You deserved it 21 166

The Office 2: Electric Boogaloo

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that my desk is perfectly placed so that my boss can shoot me with a Nerf gun from his office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 464

You deserved it 4 151

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The Top

Today, I went on a blind date. The first words that came out of his mouth were, "Rape isn't that bad if you think about it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 904

You deserved it 1 360

Today, my car keys decided to play hide and seek. Good news: I found them under my bed. Bad news: it was after my job interview was scheduled to start. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 112

You deserved it 6 573

Today, I received the 'special' present my mother had sent me for my 21st birthday. I opened the box and saw that my mother had picked out, accessorized and shipped to me, in college, a doll. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 897

You deserved it 4 530

Today, I was sitting in my garden and having a cup of tea while watching some dragonflies. I thought the dragonflies were really pretty, so I ran towards them and tried to catch their tails like I used to when I was a kid. They were exotic wasps. Ouch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 354

You deserved it 50 321

Today, I realized that my work life is far less stressful than my home life. I'm a cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 633

You deserved it 324

Today, I found out I didn't get accepted into a program I was nominated to attend at work that all other applicants with less experience than myself did. I found out when they asked if I had gotten the acceptance email. They didn't even bother telling me I was rejected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 057

You deserved it 177