The Top

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He hath returned

By Come to think of it.... it does! - 09/03/2026 12:00

Today, my mom gave me the litany of a lifetime for raising a devil child. Why so? She and my daughter who is 7 years-old attended mass, and after the priest told the parable of The Prodigal Son, she raised her hand. The priest approached, asked and put the mic on her, and she said, "Sorry Father, but that story sucks! Its all about favoritism!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 363

You deserved it 101

My eyes are up here

By LonelyCashier - 11/07/2019 20:00

Today, an old woman came into my store for help. Towards the end, she asked me my name. I told her while pointing at my name tag. She then replied, "Oh! I didn't notice since I was staring at your boobs. Much prettier to look at." Sadly, this is the first time I've been hit on in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 103

You deserved it 221

Shattered

By Help me - 23/03/2026 00:00

Today, after dumping my fiancé and altering my life following my therapist's advice so I could be free and self-sufficient, I finally feel like I'm in control of my life! However, I just had a dream where I was married to my ex and had two beautiful babies, and I cried so hard I had to call out sick. What have I done? FML

I agree, your life sucks 113

You deserved it 376

Morning joe

By Christine.T - 27/08/2024 06:00 - United States - Boston

Today, I stopped at the coffee shop before work and confidently ordered "my usual." The barista looked confused but nodded. When my drink came, it was completely wrong. Turns out, I was in the wrong coffee shop. I was too embarrassed to correct them, so I drank a weird matcha-pumpkin spice sludge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 794

Jailbait

By Riotxxo - 18/01/2022 16:58

Today, after confessing to my 16 year-old sister that I was only into guys younger than me, she said that was OK because she was attracted to guys in their late 40's and that an age gap was not that much of a big deal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 912

You deserved it 356

Whackjobs 'R Us

By Anonymous - 01/11/2020 11:01 - Slovakia - Senec

Today, I realised that 3/4 of my family are prone to believe conspiracies and are anti-vax Covid freaks. I want to keep our relationships, but every discussion ends in an argument about some conspiracy they believe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 188

You deserved it 220

Primal scream

By lordoftheweird - 31/08/2024 15:00 - Canada - Kamloops

Today, my mom's response to everything is now screaming. Two year-old brother playing quietly? Screaming. Computer freezes? Screaming. Mailman? Screaming. We tried to get her tested but no doctor can stand her for more than ten minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 552

You deserved it 84

That explains that

By Anonymous - 04/09/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I checked my ex's profile for the first time since we broke up a few months ago. He's dating a girl who's so pretty, and he looks so happy. He started dating her about 3 weeks after we broke up and when I broke up with him he wasn't upset at all. He had been ignoring me for weeks, and forgot our anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 398

You deserved it 274

New roommate?

By Anonymous - 23/09/2024 06:00 - United States - New York

Today, I walked into my kitchen to find a pigeon sitting on my stovetop. I live in a completely sealed apartment on the 12th floor of a NYC apartment building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 432

You deserved it 80

Sticky situation

By AloneAtPerkins - 26/11/2020 03:58 - United States - West Bend

Today, I drove all the way to another state and dealt with Chicago traffic on the way just to learn to drive stick. I couldn't learn, because the truck was suddenly unavailable, and when it was available again, whoever had it last lost the keys. Guess I gotta make another trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 798

You deserved it 117

NYC public transport

By Anonymous - 04/12/2020 17:02 - United States - New York

Today, there was a pretty girl sitting near me on the train home. I thought about asking for her number., but instead a drunk nitwit decided to wander around the car and came very close to touching her. She got up and moved to the other end, while I had to deal with a belligerent hobo who was now intent on fighting me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 878

You deserved it 190

Side effects

By Anonymous - 10/12/2020 23:01 - Netherlands

Today, I’ve been horny for weeks on end. Because I’m on antidepressants, I can’t orgasm, so the horniness won’t go away. The only thing I do is go to the gym, where literally EVERYONE seems fuckable. While I’m not depressed anymore, my vagina is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 607

You deserved it 193

Social media is bad for your anxiety

By Facebook-less - 10/10/2024 02:00 - United States - Steele

Today, I tried to log into Facebook, only to find I can't. Every time I try, no matter what device I'm on, I get an error message. I have no idea how to fix the problem, even after lots of searching. Even worse, I can't use Messenger either. My friends don't believe me, and think I'm simply ignoring them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 269

You deserved it 226

Brain fog

By Andy - 27/02/2019 02:00

Today, while jetlagged and going through customs in Singapore, I grabbed what I thought was a pen to fill out the form. I heard it squeak as I lifted it up. It was a straw in the custom agent's drink. The resulting noise he made lasted 10+ seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 971

You deserved it 405

Pile on

By I miss bread - 14/12/2020 17:04 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I found out I'm going to be celebrating New Year's with a gastroscopy and colonoscopy. It's been two days since I discovered I'm gluten intolerant to go with my lactose intolerance. It's also my 28th birthday tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 105

Love story for the ages

By Anonymous - 11/03/2022 14:00

Today, I found my long-term partner has been liking an OnlyFans account's tweets. I'd be upset, but I think we're still together because neither of us wants to admit defeat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 988

Elephants upstairs

By Anonymous - 23/05/2023 10:00

Today, yet again, my upstairs neighbor can’t stop stomping. It’s troubling. There are random noises and thuds at 3 a.m. I've emailed the leasing office several times to no avail. I even told the leasing office that I didn't care if my neighbor has insomnia, I really don’t, I just have to be up at work by 6:00 a.m. every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 636

You deserved it 125

Married life

By Anonymous - 06/04/2022 12:00

Today, my husband threw an anger fit and left home after a fight. I only said that maybe he's not that interested in sex after marriage. Why? In the 5 years of our marriage, he has initiated sex exactly 0 times, while during courtship it was numerous times during the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 293

You deserved it 173

Gappy

By Anonymous - 07/04/2022 04:00

Today, after having to get the front filling on my tooth fixed five times, the dentist finally decided to give me a crown. While waiting for the permanent to be made, I had a temporary one put in. This one fell out five times. The final time, I actually sneezed it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 116

Help, I'm stranded!

By LexMarie12 - 15/03/2017 18:00

Today, at work, it was so windy that it started taking the door off its hinges. The door now won't close all the way. I can't leave until someone comes to fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 755

You deserved it 363

Anticlimactic

By Ray - 31/12/2020 16:58

Today, my boyfriend told me I'm the best lay of his life. I really wish I could say the same about him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 034

You deserved it 351

Get it out!

By TLM9312 - 07/06/2023 12:00 - Canada - Madoc

Today, I've been awake since 3 a.m. Why? A bat flew into the house and made its way to my bedroom. We haven't been able to find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 740

You deserved it 97

I'm only sleeping

By Anonymous - 10/06/2023 12:00 - Germany

Today, my body has decided that sleeping past 4 a.m. is strange idea and should be resisted. It is also of the opinion that any duration of sleep less than 10 hours per night constitutes a lack thereof, which deserves physical signs of tiredness, like looking several years older. FML

I agree, your life sucks 628

You deserved it 136

Iron Chef America

By Anonymous - 05/01/2021 19:59

Today, I thought about trying something "new", so I put raspberry preserves and maple syrup on my waffles. It tasted like cough medicine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 592

You deserved it 461

By zagzag - 05/11/2011 08:38 - Italy

Today, I’m in Rome for Halloween. I went out with few friends and spent the night with a man. The sex would have been really great if he hadn’t said, “God bless France!” every five seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 599

You deserved it 92

Wire fraud

By Anonymous - 20/06/2023 13:00 - United States - Carson City

Today, with the swipe of a button, my credit union decided that I've moved across the country to an entirely different state. They politely sent me a letter notifying me that 'I' had changed my address, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 109

Half man, half armchair

By Anonymous - 23/06/2023 15:00

Today, one of my kids thought it would be funny to superglue me to my armchair while I was asleep, except they’re idiots who used way too much. I am now fused to the cushions and had to call an ambulance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 840

You deserved it 154

Alexa, play "Ghost Rider" by Suicide

By Soon to be felon - 03/07/2023 22:00

Today, my sister got a speeding ticket in the mail. A month ago, I got pulled over and used her name, intending to take care of it but forgot. She's going to the police station to review the footage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100

You deserved it 1 734

Reflex

By Lance - 08/07/2023 06:00 - Australia

Today, I realised that I have been a teacher for far too long when I told a random stranger I saw at the mall to tie up their shoelaces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 621

You deserved it 242

Grossed out

By Anonymous - 23/03/2022 12:00 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, I would understand if my mom left the stove a bit greasy after cooking, because it’s too hot to wipe down right away. What she actually does is she leaves the stove HAIRY. FML

I agree, your life sucks 824

You deserved it 87

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I met my ex, who told me he had something very important to tell me. I thought he was about to tell me that his girlfriend is pregnant (a fact I already knew). He told me that he still loves me and he'd never stopped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 940

You deserved it 139

Today, my ex-boyfriend surprised me with a gorgeous, giant stuffed tiger as a belated birthday gift. I thought it was a lovely gesture until a friend told me she had thrown it in the dumpster behind our building this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 866

You deserved it 3 940

Today, my dad told me he has been dating my boyfriend's mom while I was away at college. They have gotten pretty serious, and are thinking about getting married. I might be dating my stepbrother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 143 977

You deserved it 7 338

Today, I went into labor with my first child, and as much as I pleaded, I had to wait for my husband to finish his raid in World of Warcraft before he'd take me to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 265

You deserved it 11 888

Today, my mother had a Kitty Party (sort of), and I was in charge of the tea and snacks. I was so busy I didn't pay attention to their discussion. After everything was done, I heard my mother talking about my poop colour and how unhealthy it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 739

You deserved it 140

Today, I complimented my crush. No, I didn't call her beautiful or sexy, though those definitely apply. No, instead, I called her scrumptious. I can't even begin to explain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 777

You deserved it 305