FML : Your everyday life stories

Today, I slashed my ass open with a shard of glass. How? I was making out with my crush, and threw my glasses on the ground. I forgot about them when we decided to lie down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Dockin - / Thursday 14 February 2019 15:37 / India

Today, my husband left his cellphone unlocked so I decided to go through it. I found 10 texts threads from 10 different women, one of them from my 18 year old sister who was sending him nude pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks

Phew, glad it wasn't me

By Anonymous - / Thursday 27 December 2018 04:00 /

Today, I found out my ex gave me an STI. Today I also found out I'm allergic to the medication. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Unlucky - / Wednesday 19 December 2018 02:00 / United Kingdom - Bagworth

Today I was messaging memes back and forth with one of my female coworkers and I accidentally sent a junk pic'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Varnpike - / Tuesday 18 December 2018 03:00 /

Today was the first time my husband came since getting a vasectomy. Not a big deal except he did not tell me that it’s common for men to pass out the first time they cum after the surgery. I thought my husband died from cumming for a solid minute. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Bro - / Monday 17 December 2018 22:00 / Japan

Today I realized my husband makes better sex sounds on the toilet then he does with me... FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Helseac - / Monday 17 December 2018 03:00 /

Today, I found out my boyfriend has to picture someone else when we have sex. The most recent: my roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Sad_Happy_Gorl - / Saturday 15 December 2018 23:00 / United States - University Center

Today, after weeks of no sex, my boyfriend finally decided to have sex with me. While we were getting into it I accidentally farted in his face while his mouth was open. No more sex for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Friday 14 December 2018 14:00 /

Today, I’m almost six weeks pregnant. From exactly ten seconds of penetration. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Thursday 13 December 2018 15:30 /

Today I got back to my hotel at the same time as my supervisor and realized we had rooms right next to each other. I thought it was funny and said bye to him...only to remember that I had slept with HIS boss last night. We were not quiet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By - / Thursday 13 December 2018 03:00 /

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to get it on. That's when the bell rang. He said, 'I'll just be back'. 5 minutes later, still no sign of him. I wrapped myself in a towel and went to the hall. Turns out his new PS4 had arrived. He said, 'I forgot you were here, sorry' and continued to play. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Mia - / Wednesday 12 December 2018 17:00 / India - Mumbai

Today, I made out with a handsome man in the restroom at a party. There was a knock on the door, interrupting us. It was his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By "Lisa" - / Tuesday 11 December 2018 04:00 / Romania

Today my boyfriend went through my phone while I was in the bathroom to check if I was cheating...... I wasn't. He was looking for some leverage so when he told me he's been fucking my bestfriend for the last year, he could use something against me... FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Ms.rain - / Friday 7 December 2018 12:30 /

Today, I managed to give myself a blowjob and it was great. The only problem is that I got stuck between the wall and my bed while I was doing it. I had to call for help and my whole family came to see what was wrong. They all knew what I was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Embarrassed - / Thursday 6 December 2018 03:00 /

Today me and my boyfriend were in an adventurous sexual position and as I started to orgasm he slipped, landed awkwardly and dislocated both my hips, while I was in the middle of an orgasm. Somehow the pleasure of the orgasm made the pain worse. I don't think I'll ever want sex again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By - / Wednesday 5 December 2018 21:00 / United Kingdom

Today, I realized that my husband's preferred sexual activities not only don't require me to take off my clothes, but go much better for him when I don't. He doesn't get why this makes me self-conscious about getting naked in front of him... FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By - / Tuesday 4 December 2018 15:00 / United States - Saint Joseph

Today at 30 years old, my wife asked why I'm circumcised when my parents aren't religious. I didn't know I was circumcised. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By JWags - / Tuesday 4 December 2018 05:00 /

Today, it's my birthday. My husband hasn't slept with me in months. I am so humiliated every time I try to be intimate with him because I am only ever turned down. Tonight, he rubbed my leg and got mad when I fixed myself so I wouldn't be turned on. Apparently tonight was the night but I moved and ruined it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Monday 3 December 2018 16:00 / United States - Great Barrington

Today, I jacked off in the shower using soap with scrubbing beads in it. My penis is so chaffed, it hurts to put on pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Jackmeister - / Saturday 3 November 2018 03:00 /

Today, my girlfriend sent me a video of herself masturbating so I could watch it on my business trip. As I was watching it, I realised someone was filming her, because the camera was moving and definitely not on a tripod. I know I never recorded a video of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Monday 15 October 2018 03:00 /

Today, I got to see my fiancé for the first time in 3 months. While we were having sex for the first time, he slipped out and slammed into the back of my vagina, tearing it open. Now I won't stop bleeding, it hurts to pee, and we can't have sex. I won't see him for another 2 months after this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Saturday 6 October 2018 21:00 / United States - Tallahassee

Today, I found out why my husband is suddenly uninterested in sex. Apparently one of the secretaries at work has finally turned 18, and it's pretty much an open secret among his coworkers that they fuck anywhere from 2 to 5 times a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Thursday 4 October 2018 03:00 /

Today, I was fooling around with my new girlfriend. I guess she'd never been with an uncircumcised man before, because before I knew it I had a frenulum tear and had to go to the ER. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By moerae - / Wednesday 3 October 2018 03:00 /

Today, I found out that my girlfriend secretly purchased a vibrator and has been using it for the past two weeks. When I confronted her, her only argument was "It's made me cum more times than you could." FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By ToysforHire - / Saturday 22 September 2018 03:00 /

Today, after years of telling my boyfriend I don't do anal, I agreed to try it once just to get him to stop whining about it. He was so gung-ho that he tried to force it in without doing enough "relaxing preparation" and he split the muscle around my ring. Now I need surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Thursday 20 September 2018 03:00 /

Today, one of my residents was having super loud sex. I'm an RA in a college freshman dorm, and I had to knock on her door and tell her to quiet down. I hate to be a cock-block, but she woke multiple people up, myself included. I live 4 doors down the hall from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By awkwardRA - / Wednesday 19 September 2018 03:30 /

W.T.F.

Today, while getting dressed, I discovered that when my brother and his friends got drunk last night one of them wanked into a pair of my panties and put them back in my wardrobe. The crusty mess pressed right into my groin. I had to clean dry spunk out of my pubic hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Saturday 15 September 2018 06:00 /

Today, I'm on new medication that has a side effect of keeping me awake all night. Now I get to listen to my parents having sex at 2am when they think I'm fast asleep. FYI, my dad likes being spanked and being told that he's a really bad boy who needs punishment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Wednesday 29 August 2018 06:00 /

Today, I found out just how close my boyfriend has been getting to our new neighbour's teenage son. I came home from work to find them on my bed and my "straight" boyfriend head down ass up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Cantunsee - / Sunday 26 August 2018 06:00 /

Today, I decided to get in the cowgirl position since it's my fiancé's favorite. I got a little carried away during the "ride" and suddenly heard his dick crack. I fractured his penis. He's never going to have sex with me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Redhead - / Wednesday 22 August 2018 06:00 /

FML

Nearly

Today after literally 1000s of texts, hours of chats and banter, my co-worker and i admitted that we love each other but can’t leave our own partners for...

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

Today is day 28 since a corrective surgery on my urethra. During my recovery I made my wife cum twice while my catheter made erections excruciating. She...

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

See all the Nearly FMLs

World

Loading data…

Canada

Today, my girlfriend kept texting me while I was at work, insisting for hours that I leave early because she was so horny. After arguing with my boss and...

Australia

Today, I asked the guy of my dreams out to the cinema. After saying to me "It's a date!" I started booking tickets. He said, "Why are you booking two?"...

See all the World FMLs

Photos

See all FML photos

Spicy

Today, I slashed my ass open with a shard of glass. How? I was making out with my crush, and threw my glasses on the ground. I forgot about them when we...

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

Today, my husband left his cellphone unlocked so I decided to go through it. I found 10 texts threads from 10 different women, one of them from my 18 year...

I agree, your life sucks

Phew, glad it wasn't me

See all the Spicy FMLs