The Top

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Bad student at the school of life

By Anonymous - 26/03/2023 00:00

Today, despite spending literal years educating my son about safe sex and warning him not to do something stupid like get a girl pregnant at 16, he actually surpassed my expectations. He got her pregnant at 17. Plus she gave him a nasty STD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 424

You deserved it 245

Horny

By Anonymous - 11/01/2022 14:02

Today, it’s been so long since I got laid, I got turned on by a knothole in a tree trunk because it looked a lot like a woman’s downstairs area. FML

I agree, your life sucks 554

You deserved it 1 136

Are you kidding me right now?

By Not your maid - 29/03/2023 16:00

Today, my husband had the cheek to ask me, “What’s for dinner tonight?” and “I have no clean slacks for tomorrow can you wash me some?” no more than 10 minutes after he told me he wants us to see other people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 171

You deserved it 145

Agony

By Megan Stevens - 26/08/2024 08:00 - New Zealand - Lower Hutt

Today, I got told by the doctor that my aching knees indeed have advanced arthritis, meaning I'm grinding bone on bone 24/7. At 49, I'm "relatively young," meaning they want me to survive for as many years as I can before they'll replace them. Never mind that I've already been in agony for 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 535

You deserved it 77

By Anonymous - 20/07/2019 09:00 - United States - Tulsa

Today, my cat attempted to make up for my insomnia with a dead mouse. I have no idea where he got it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 549

You deserved it 202

The struggle is real

By Momguilt - 06/09/2024 21:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, after I felt bad for living off food stamps and government assistance so I could be home with my kids after their dad died, I decided to go to school and get a career to support them. Now that I’m working, I feel bad for not having much time to spend with them. I can’t win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 548

You deserved it 139

Alexa, play "These Things Take Time" by The Smiths

By p0isonOreo68 - 08/11/2020 08:03

Today, I broke my glasses, so I scheduled an appointment to get a new pair. The soonest available appointment? November 21st. FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 120

By Anonymous - 01/02/2017 10:00 - United States

Today, after closing down the gas station I work at, I went to unlock the door to the building. Turned out the lock broke and I was locked inside until my boss could get there to let me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 969

You deserved it 510

That one bad friend

By Anonymous - 13/09/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, the woman I am absolutely in love with will only be my friend. I wish I could get her to understand how much it hurts to see her with boyfriends, and only be friends. I'm starting to feel like I can't maintain this friendship because it hurts so much. I don't know what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 154

You deserved it 833

Money slave issues

By Flexxxxzz - 22/04/2023 18:00

Today, I found out my husband is a sugar daddy to a 19 year-old college girl. He sees absolutely nothing wrong with it because, “It’s not like we have sex or anything, just friendship” and gave me a lecture about how just because he’s married doesn’t mean he can’t have friends. He’s 53. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 220

You deserved it 188

Sharing is caring

By Anonymous - 19/11/2020 11:01

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me. My 3 best friends, who I've known since I was born, supported me by asking for her number, and now all are trying to date her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 161

You deserved it 186

Masked Singer

By ted_the_interpreter - 22/11/2020 05:03 - United States - Corona

Today, I was in a video conference with my coworkers. They started arguing so much that I decided to turn off my video and started chanting ,"Let it be over, let it be over... Let me go!" The boss finally stoped everybody to comment, "We can hear you." I hadn't turned my mic off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386

You deserved it 1 501

Not a morning person

By Anonymous - 03/02/2022 18:01

Today, I went to make coffee, but having just woken up, I forgot the paper filter. You can guess what was in my coffee… FML

I agree, your life sucks 587

You deserved it 300

Wizardry

By expectopatronum bitch! - 25/04/2023 13:00 - United States

Today, my brother-in-law brought his new girlfriend over to meet the family. Things went south real quick after she went on a tirade about what terrible parents my wife and I are for letting our kids keep all their Harry Potter memorabilia. Now he’s mad I threw her out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 156

Amazon Prime

By Anonymous - 27/11/2020 17:00 - Germany - Bayreuth

Today, I ordered an iPad to replace a broken tablet in a haste. I managed to order one of the only ones that doesn't support an Apple pencil. This is exactly the only feature I SERIOUSLY need. Can one be more stupid? FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 1 077

Red flags all over

By vernyl - 02/05/2023 22:00

Today, I had to explain to my husband why a Facebook comment that says, “Such a tight body, I bet you can ride some dick real good!” towards a female friend of his is inappropriate. He insists it’s a compliment and accused me of being a “misogynist” and not supporting “female body positivity.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 813

You deserved it 277

Love is…

By Anonymous - 16/05/2023 10:00

Today, I overheard my son tell his dad that he’s in love. Without pause, my husband told him it’s temporary, it won’t last, relationships are pointless, women only cause grief, and money in the bank keeps a man warm at night better than any woman with cold feet. I’m trying not to feel insulted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 023

You deserved it 264

Snowflakes

By Anonymous - 13/12/2020 10:58 - United States

Today, I bumped my head on a tool box. When it happened, I yelled, "Fuck." I got fired from my job for cussing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 040

You deserved it 290

Crushed

By Anonymous - 22/02/2022 03:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, after I confessed my feelings towards my long time crush two weeks ago and was rejected, he messaged me asking for a quick fuck, with no strings attached. I guess that’s all I am good for now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 531

You deserved it 234

He'll get used to it

By Anonymous - 26/05/2023 00:02

Today, I knew my husband was struggling mentally with being a new dad, but I had no idea how much until I found he had set an 18 year timer on his computer entitled, “Not long to go, you can make it!” Our son is only 6 days old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 867

You deserved it 207

Hair-raising

By what the fuck????? - 17/02/2022 16:01 - United States - Denver

Today, while at a restaurant, I watched in horror as my daughter picked a hair out of her food and continued eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 695

You deserved it 274

You fool

By Anonymous - 25/10/2024 12:00 - Germany - Hamburg

Today, my wife and I both spent a weekend away separately with our close friends. However, we ran into each other, unplanned, at the airport. She was with her girls and I was with my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 1 767

Pizzagate

By Drama - 27/10/2024 15:00 - United States - Miami

Today, after I'd decided to give online dating another shot and I matched with someone who seemed interesting, during our actual date our conversation quickly devolved into a debate about whether pineapple belongs on pizza. I ended up blocking her after she sent me a thesis on the subject. FML

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 490

O'Reilly

By still can’t get any - 04/04/2022 06:00

Today, I’m convinced my son has some sort of radar. Literally every time my partner and I try to have sex, he wakes up and interrupts us. At first I thought it was a coincidence, but the fact that it’s happened at 12am, 12pm, 6am and 3pm tells me otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 442

You deserved it 240

Creative

By Kymberly Hams - 09/04/2019 10:00 - Australia

Today, my toddler was supposed to be taking a nap. Instead, he decided it was the perfect time to remove his own nappy for the first time ever. He painted his walls, floor, bed and body, then started crying because he was dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 081

You deserved it 348

Paranoid android

By Anonymous - 13/03/2022 10:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I hit my target weight for the first time since high school. As a result, my girlfriend refuses to hook up with me, because her slutty cousins are now too interested in me, and she assumes I'm leading them on. I've never met them in person, because they live in Russia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 217

You deserved it 201

Mush

By Tired Tater - 05/06/2023 20:00 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, I over-boiled some potatoes. I was having a bad day and this tipped me over the edge. I burst into tears and threw the potatoes all over my kitchen. I then stomped on the piping hot potatoes. The bottoms of my feet are blistered and still feel like they’re burning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 313

You deserved it 1 509

That's… a strange coincidence

By Anonymous - 10/01/2021 05:01

Today, my boyfriend of three years hooked up with a girl who got herpes from a Michigan football player. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 158

You deserved it 136

Thanks for sharing

By why ma? - 21/04/2022 15:01 - United States

Today, my mom went through my drawers and found some antibiotics from Planned Parenthood. She immediately flew into a rage and told my whole family, my aunts, and her church that I was a “loose woman with a horrible disease.” The antibiotics were to treat bacterial vaginosis, not an STD at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 168

You deserved it 142

Sticky situation

By Anonymous - 19/01/2021 05:02

Today, my boss keeps pointing out similarities between his wife and me. I genuinely dislike her, and have feelings for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 1 101

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I tried to initiate sex with my boyfriend. As I put on my most seductive moves, he ever so nicely says, "Babe, we just had sex last night. Why don't we wait a while so you've had some time to tighten back up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 041

You deserved it 9 422

Today, I arrived at work six minutes late due to heavily congested traffic. This is just two days after my boss put out a memo saying that anyone who's late to work from then until the new year will have their holiday bonus pay forfeited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 234

You deserved it 8 429

Today, I got destroyed by a midterm at 8 a.m. that I studied quite hard for. I was already seeing red and holding back tears, then the FIRST thing I was graced to see as soon as I walked out of class was my ex entertaining a girl - the first time I’d ever seen it happen. I sobbed the whole way back on my walk home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 761

You deserved it 241

Today, my son turned 18. He now calls me by my first name instead of "dad" and refuses to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 773

You deserved it 570

Today, I am babysitting my niece for the first time. After getting her to go to sleep, I felt a sudden urge to sneeze. My sneezes are loud as hell. Attempts to dampen the sound were unsuccessful. My colossal sneeze scared the bejesus out of her, waking her up again, and now she's afraid of me. What do I do now? FML

I agree, your life sucks 398

You deserved it 184

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. Before we'd finished, we were interrupted by my ex dropping my daughter off with no notice. In my rush to answer the door, I hopped off my boyfriend. The condom came off inside me. After a few minutes of feeling around, I pulled the condom out, and discovered I was on my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 343

You deserved it 377