Miscellaneous You wanker!

You wanker!

Nik - - United States

Today, I went to the doctor because I broke my wrist. My mom told the nurse that I broke it while masturbating. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

kinky - 05/08/2010 00:24 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my doctor and parents that I dislocated my shoulder while masturbating. FML

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whovian221b - 25/08/2015 22:46 - United States

Today, after coming home from the hospital after I fractured my foot, I fell in the bathroom and dislocated my wrist. The ER doctor couldn't stop laughing. FML

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johnny121 - 01/01/2010 19:14 - France

Today, I had to go to the hospital. While I was there, my mom started hitting on a doctor. Later I saw them making out in the room next to me. FML

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Cynical - 30/03/2009 03:49 - United States

Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML

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Anonymous - 30/10/2014 20:55 - United States - College Place

Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick and slammed straight into my face while I was masturbating. FML

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Anonymous - 16/09/2014 16:18 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML

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You OK hun?

notexactly - 29/12/2009 00:48 - Sweden

Today, the guy I like called me, and my mom picked up. Just as it happened, I slipped and fell in the shower, and was sitting there moaning. The guy asked if he could speak to me, but my mom heard me and answered, "Well, she's masturbating right now, but I'll tell her to call you later!" FML

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Play it cool

Fraser - 08/03/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

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False alarm

dirtyhands - 18/02/2009 23:01 - United States

Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom burst into my room to ask if I was okay because she thought the squeaking was me crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML

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Lock your doors

Anonymous - 27/05/2019 00:14

Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML

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BellTink 0

Sunday 8 February 2009 23:15

well....did you?

lmfp 0

Saturday 21 March 2009 10:05

A) how would she know? B) how is that even possible?

ydi_4_suking 20

Wednesday 10 November 2010 19:01

Dang dude you can rip the skin off if you go that hard

EmilyCecile 0

Monday 31 January 2011 3:29

sooo...how DID you break it?

sarah2144 14

Wednesday 23 March 2011 18:09

Well, did you?

MiGman 5

Monday 11 April 2011 4:47

^win

KrazyKarl 0

Tuesday 26 April 2011 4:52

Wow that sucks OP. So is that how it happened or what?

rachilio 26

Wednesday 6 July 2011 22:37

how do I beak ur wrist while masturbating

missIrene 6

Wednesday 13 July 2011 3:42

win for your mom lol

krissybear13 0

Wednesday 27 July 2011 1:24

how does that work??? lol

abbyelizabeth 9

Wednesday 7 September 2011 6:10

Yes, yes she was.

MrBrightsidexvi 6

Thursday 1 December 2011 9:43

Well? Did you?

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, Murphy's law didn't check out: my piece of toast didn't fall on the side containing the spread of jam. However, when I leaned against the corner of the table to pick it up, I knocked a full ashtray on top of it. FML

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Today, I got stuck with a water-damaged kitchen. The manufacturer says their warranty doesn't cover it as it's a user error, my insurance says they don't cover it as it's a manufacturer error. FML

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Today, at my wedding, the minister forgot to skip the "Does anyone object?" part. My mother stood up and gave a lengthy reason, which caused my future in-laws to start shouting. It turned into a small riot, and no, we're not married now. FML

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Today, on my way to a job interview, I saw a dog running down the road so I stopped to pet it. It was a wolf. FML

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Today, my dog died and I told my grandfather I wanted her to be cremated. I came home later to find him burning her in our barbecue pit. FML

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Today, I drove in heavy rain for the first time, by myself. I had been told to drive below the speed limit, and be extra careful of the cars around me. Nobody had told me about thunder scaring a cow that would then escape from the corral and hit my car. FML

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