Miscellaneous You wanker!

You wanker!

Nik - - United States

Today, I went to the doctor because I broke my wrist. My mom told the nurse that I broke it while masturbating. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

kinky - 05/08/2010 00:24 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my doctor and parents that I dislocated my shoulder while masturbating. FML

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whovian221b - 25/08/2015 22:46 - United States

Today, after coming home from the hospital after I fractured my foot, I fell in the bathroom and dislocated my wrist. The ER doctor couldn't stop laughing. FML

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johnny121 - 01/01/2010 19:14 - France

Today, I had to go to the hospital. While I was there, my mom started hitting on a doctor. Later I saw them making out in the room next to me. FML

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Cynical - 30/03/2009 03:49 - United States

Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML

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Anonymous - 30/10/2014 20:55 - United States - College Place

Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick and slammed straight into my face while I was masturbating. FML

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Anonymous - 16/09/2014 16:18 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML

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You OK hun?

notexactly - 29/12/2009 00:48 - Sweden

Today, the guy I like called me, and my mom picked up. Just as it happened, I slipped and fell in the shower, and was sitting there moaning. The guy asked if he could speak to me, but my mom heard me and answered, "Well, she's masturbating right now, but I'll tell her to call you later!" FML

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Play it cool

Fraser - 08/03/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

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False alarm

dirtyhands - 18/02/2009 23:01 - United States

Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom burst into my room to ask if I was okay because she thought the squeaking was me crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML

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Lock your doors

Anonymous - 27/05/2019 00:14

Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML

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BellTink 0

Sunday 8 February 2009 23:15

well....did you?

lmfp 0

Saturday 21 March 2009 10:05

A) how would she know? B) how is that even possible?

BellTink 0

Sunday 8 February 2009 23:15

well....did you?

cthulhu_fml 0

Friday 13 February 2009 5:49

Yes, did you?

julzziee 0

Friday 13 March 2009 0:44

is that how you broke it? if so... your retarded. and sux cant do itanymore til its better.

Rickilynn1 10

Wednesday 25 January 2012 3:17

You're * sucks * can't * till *

andyyroxx 20

Saturday 29 September 2012 9:44

It's*

TrippingOnAcid 29

Sunday 23 November 2014 13:19

Wouldn't an abbreviation of until be 'til instead of till?

lmfp 0

Saturday 21 March 2009 10:05

A) how would she know? B) how is that even possible?

tacojauns 45

Friday 23 November 2012 21:46

while in handcuffs

RenRen_fml 0

Monday 20 April 2009 17:35

Hahahha....your mom is so cool. Next time, take it easy so you don't end up in the hospital again.

Lamesauce_Lala 0

Thursday 23 April 2009 7:56

Hth is that even possible? Minus the fact your mom probably just said it for the 'ell of it, Does she realize that's ALMOST impossible?

dearViena 0

Monday 25 May 2009 18:38

if you think about it.... that can be a compliment :D

turtlellama 0

Monday 1 June 2009 8:05

A) How come this only has 15 comments? B) How come the post thinks it has 5?

snorlax422 0

Tuesday 2 June 2009 2:12

Wow. That's some intense masturbating there...

chanchito 0

Tuesday 2 June 2009 21:49

Well damn, I love ur mom if my mom was like that it would be awsum

Miscellaneous My ex Stalker Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my dad was making a sandwich in the kitchen. Hungry, I snuck in and grabbed it, running back to my room and devouring it. Later at dinner, he dumped a whole scoop of rice in my lap. We all ended up laughing as we cleaned it. FML

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Today, I was driving my car when I suddenly got diarrhea and shat my pants. I put a plastic bag under me to not let all the shit go through my pants and get to my seat. Then one of my workmates saw my car and came to say hello. She saw all the shit and the plastic bag. FML

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Today, my friend hit a glass with her arm, so I dove to try and catch it before it hit the ground and shattered. I hit my head against the table, giving me a nice gash that needed stitches. The glass was actually plastic. FML

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Today, I went on a date for the first time in months. Over dessert, my date told a joke, and I tittered vigorously, causing me to choke and throw up all over him. FML

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Today, while I was peacefully sleeping, I felt a hand suddenly slap my forehead. Then fingers began to press against my mouth, then nose, then eyes. I finally woke up to my girlfriend laughing hysterically. She'd confused me with her clock-radio. FML

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Today, I put my hand up in class. I forgot that I hadn't shaved. FML

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