Miscellaneous You wanker! - FML

You wanker!

Nik - - United States

Today, I went to the doctor because I broke my wrist. My mom told the nurse that I broke it while masturbating. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

kinky - 05/08/2010 00:24 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my doctor and parents that I dislocated my shoulder while masturbating. FML

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whovian221b - 25/08/2015 22:46 - United States

Today, after coming home from the hospital after I fractured my foot, I fell in the bathroom and dislocated my wrist. The ER doctor couldn't stop laughing. FML

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johnny121 - 01/01/2010 19:14 - France

Today, I had to go to the hospital. While I was there, my mom started hitting on a doctor. Later I saw them making out in the room next to me. FML

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Cynical - 30/03/2009 03:49 - United States

Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML

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Anonymous - 30/10/2014 20:55 - United States - College Place

Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick and slammed straight into my face while I was masturbating. FML

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Anonymous - 16/09/2014 16:18 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML

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You OK hun?

notexactly - 29/12/2009 00:48 - Sweden

Today, the guy I like called me, and my mom picked up. Just as it happened, I slipped and fell in the shower, and was sitting there moaning. The guy asked if he could speak to me, but my mom heard me and answered, "Well, she's masturbating right now, but I'll tell her to call you later!" FML

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Play it cool

Fraser - 08/03/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

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False alarm

dirtyhands - 18/02/2009 23:01 - United States

Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom burst into my room to ask if I was okay because she thought the squeaking was me crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML

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Lock your doors

Anonymous - 27/05/2019 00:14

Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML

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BellTink 0

Sunday 8 February 2009 23:15

well....did you?

lmfp 0

Saturday 21 March 2009 10:05

A) how would she know? B) how is that even possible?

BuMbLeBeE_46 0

Saturday 1 August 2009 22:50

oh i love your mom

whiteboy77 0

Friday 1 October 2010 23:27

but chuck Norris' bones don't break?

maddybaddy 0

Wednesday 5 August 2009 21:24

You must have some messed up techniques if you broke your wrist...lol whoa. Hahaha

cmac86 23

Saturday 15 August 2009 5:28

dude, take it easy- nice and soft man, you dint want to break it. I wish I could say the latter for your wrist.

xxbaxter310xx 0

Friday 21 August 2009 19:47

I'm surprised you didn't break your **** first

WhyworldWhy 0

Sunday 4 October 2009 5:19

did you?

whoeffincares 0

Friday 9 October 2009 8:23

your mom rocks

DynamicDave 11

Friday 23 October 2009 15:52

Lmfao @ 28 and 32!!! @OP: Your mom is a legend

youngboss_fml 2

Friday 30 October 2009 5:32

damn u go hard

Kristie_2009 0

Wednesday 9 December 2009 0:07

I wish my mom was like that...

Compass 0

Wednesday 20 January 2010 20:57

Is it true? You should't lie to the doctor anyways. They can treat you for something else. How the **** did you break your wrist masturbating? My sister has *fractured* it falling on it on concrete at an awkward angle. You must jerk it like you can't even feel anything.

Shafreeka 8

Saturday 30 July 2011 9:58

A "fracture" and a "break" are the same thing. The differences are the degree of the break and so on, such as if it is a "complete" break all the way though the bone or a "hairline" and is just a crack in the bone (which most people think is what a fracture is). A "Break" is a average joe term, and "fracture" is the true medical terminology. Sorry for the rant. That is all.

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I visited my Mum. She has invited me to visit her before, but kept cancelling whenever I tried to arrange an actual visit. I finally went over anyway, only to find her in a soiled nappy, room in ruins, with kidney failure-induced dementia. Sometimes they hide it well over the phone. FML

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Today, I discovered I don’t even have the dexterity to screw the cap back onto a bottle of soda without dropping it. Not only that, but mother saw the need to point it out and laugh at me, so people around us in the store stared. FML

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Today, I spilled my guts out to my fiancé about some insecurities I've been having. I then turned to look at him through tears at his expressionless face as he texted someone. FML

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Today, I recieved a message on MySpace from a cute guy I've been talking to for a while. It read, "I saw a girl in Old Navy at the mall last night that looked a lot like you, but she was much fatter." I was in Old Navy at the mall last night. FML

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Today, during dress rehearsal before the show, I came in with crutches pretending I broke my leg as a joke. I then threw away the crutches, laughed and then fell down some stairs. I am now in crutches with a broken leg. I was the lead. FML

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Today, I found out that my cat has been secretly stealing my socks and hiding them under the couch, when I found a pile of 15 socks after I finally moved my furniture to vacuum the floor underneath. FML

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