Animals, Food Birds MORE! MORE! - FML

MORE! MORE!

bursteardrums - - United Kingdom

Today, I introduced my parrot to oranges. Now she makes a high pitched scream if I don't give her any, and I've just run out of oranges. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Enjoy the sirens

Anonymous - 17/03/2023 04:00

Today, my parrot learned how to imitate my baby's crying. Now, every time the baby cries, the parrot joins in, and it sounds like a chorus of screaming. FML

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weep weep weep - 12/03/2012 03:04 - United States

Today, after months of teaching my parrot to speak, he finally demonstrated his abilities. I accidentally set off my smoke detector, and he's been wailing like a dying banshee ever since. FML

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Anna - 15/06/2012 09:43 - United States - Buellton

Today, I was driving my parrot home from the vet. As I was driving home, I decided to let her sit on my shoulder. Something scared her, and she started flapping in my face, causing me to crash my car into a tree. FML

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Impressive

Anonymous - - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML

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Anonymous - 23/12/2011 05:53 - United States

Today, I went caroling with some family friends. We got pelted with oranges. FML

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In urgent need of a new roommate - 26/03/2014 23:44 - United States - West Linn

Today, I woke up at 3:00 am to the sound of a bird screeching. Turns out, my roommate bought a parrot without consulting me first. Even better, my roommate expects me to pay for half of the bird's expenses. FML

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Anonymous - 20/01/2011 03:44 - United States

Today, it was my daughter's birthday. She had been wanting a cat for a long time, so I went to the animal shelter and got an orange one. As soon as she saw it, she ran upstairs screaming, "GINGER! GINGER!" She refuses to come downstairs until I get rid of "the soulless creature." FML

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sweetie808 - 28/01/2016 08:39 - United States - Kailua Kona

Today, around 12 a.m., my pet parrot said a sentence I've never heard him say before. Usually this would be exciting, but considering he said, 'I killed the bird', and that one of my two love birds mysteriously died a few days ago, it's safe to say I'm now terrified. FML

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What did you say?

What? - 22/01/2013 19:00 - Australia

Today, I found out my ten year-old brother and his best friend have taught our new parrot to say, "Shut up, bitch." We have a bunch of our extended family coming over tomorrow to see what the parrot can say. FML

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Anonymous - 17/06/2013 20:07 - United States

Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML

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iAmScrubs 19

Tuesday 16 August 2011 18:54

Be gentle when you break the news to it, but the parrot needs to go to rehab. It might be screaming now, but the next step is orange juice injections.

firegirl1993 21

Tuesday 16 August 2011 18:53

Polly want an orange

talktomandybaby 8

Tuesday 16 August 2011 20:14

Go to the store and buy some.

unluckyguy62 4

Tuesday 16 August 2011 20:24

Then go buy more, it's not rocket science.

Madiluvsyuh98 2

Tuesday 16 August 2011 20:29

Its called... Run to publix

bubo_fml 10

Tuesday 16 August 2011 20:46

Not so bad...Since I introduced beans to my Grandpa, everytime he eats them, he insists on farting to the tune of "Yankee Doodle Dandy!"

Locoluis 15

Wednesday 17 August 2011 3:58

At least isn't not a song by Daddy Yankee. Eww...

J_Shorty_17 6

Tuesday 16 August 2011 20:47

Better get that bird some oranges quick o.O .... or just give it some orange juice? Poor neighbours lol.

daydreamer244 13

Tuesday 16 August 2011 20:49

badass bird

Hannahrayne 0

Tuesday 16 August 2011 21:14

Hahahahahahahagagsgasgtbfxjfhyjh

breathemein 10

Tuesday 16 August 2011 21:23

EKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

sarahlikesbatman 0

Tuesday 16 August 2011 21:26

1- Awsome! (: I would say the same!!

iZebraBomb 12

Tuesday 16 August 2011 21:29

Aha, that sucks for you. Have fun with your headache.! (=

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Miscellaneous My ex Stalker Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I called my friend in Australia to have a nice long chat, what I did not know was that my dad had removed my international calling plan, I talked to my friend for 5 hours, and ran up a huge phone bill, which I have to take out of the money I saved up to go see her. FML

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Today, I sent my abusive girlfriend a text, explaining I was breaking up with her via text because I was afraid for my physical safety if I broke up with her in person. She video chatted me less than five seconds later from our doctor's office, where the doctor confirmed she is in fact pregnant. FML

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Today, I jacked off in the shower using soap with scrubbing beads in it. My penis is so chaffed, it hurts to put on pants. FML

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Today, I was looking at my wedding pictures I had just ordered and I tried to flick something off one of the pictures, but it wouldn't come off. In a panic I quickly looked through all of my pictures and realized that I had a booger sticking out of my nose. No one told me. FML

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Today, I was getting out of the shower, when my boyfriend decided to ask, "Did your boobs get smaller, or did you just gain weight around them?" FML

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Today, we were watching old Kung Fu movies and I said how ridiculous the two inch punch was. My dad claimed he taught it to himself years ago, so like an idiot I dared him to prove it. Two inches later I was across the room gasping for breath. I guess it’s real then. FML

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