Embarrassing, Injury, Birds Animals Impressive

Impressive

Anonymous - - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Face your fears!

birdsterrifyme - - United States - Sikeston

Today, I decided to confront my fear of birds when my friend's pet bird was walking up to me. He got on my arm, climbed up, and attacked my face. FML

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The zoo

margretlle - 26/04/2009 04:07 - United States

Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML

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No Nip - 25/04/2019 12:00

Today, I was making breakfast with my parrot on my shoulder. He was excited about the food, and in his rush to climb down to the counter, bit through my nipple. I had to get stitches. FML

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Anonymous - 02/06/2012 15:34 - United States - Bellaire

Today, my boyfriend accidentally broke my nose the day he was meeting my parents for the first time. FML

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birdbath - 08/11/2009 07:26 - United States

Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML

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Olive14 - 15/12/2010 06:15

Today, I was caring for a bird that had flown into my window. I thought the poor thing wouldn't make it, when it shit in my hand, flew into my neck, then around my living room for ages before I could manage to get it out of the window. FML

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Smells like teen shit

great 1st impression - 25/05/2014 16:09 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML

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Anonymous - 29/03/2011 23:58 - Canada

Today, I wound up in hospital because my boyfriend covered my face in fake gore while I was sleeping, to see if I was really as scared of blood as I claimed. Sure enough, when I saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I fainted, smashing my head against the counter on the way down. FML

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Devil's Pigeon - 18/04/2017 14:00

Today, on vacation, I had my first encounter with a macaw parrot, who promptly bit my ear and shat on me while amused tourists laughed and took pictures. FML

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Anonymous - 03/11/2011 06:22 - Australia

Today, I learned that all it takes to anger my sister's new parrot is to walk past its perch. I also learned that a beak over two inches long is very capable of inflicting injuries that require stitches. FML

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jakenherman 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 9:37

okay, 1. you try to impress your boyfriends parents by.. talking.. to a .. bird? wow... 2. Did the bird rip open the cage, or did you open the door and shove you head in? your life is pretty f***ed

thequeenofscots 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 9:25

I just have to say, it makes me laugh really hard that the advert on the side of this page is for some fancy parrot cage.

_pokeys 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 9:07

What'd you do, shove your face in the cage? Dumbass.

Cleo88 6

Thursday 7 March 2013 6:40

Why would you stick your face close to an animal you just met? I work with over 20 trained parrots but I would still never stick my face up close to them. You are a stranger the bird was probably scared

pie_flavor 16

Sunday 28 July 2013 12:40

I'll bet the first comment has been moderated. Lol

hk_fml 9

Thursday 19 March 2009 9:09

Owwie that certainly sucks

Kristiekins 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 9:09

That sucks! I hate parrots! #1, what's your deal?

AntiChrist7 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 9:11

first of all, not every parrot can talk. second: always leave animals wth sharp thingy's alone. you deserved that one

Minstrels 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 9:18

Wow. At least you had the guts to go near it? I don't know, man. My friend has a parrot that would do the same thing if I got near it. Those birds can be scary *******. D:

green_199 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 9:18

Well, I have to say that I'm impressed, at least...

thequeenofscots 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 9:25

I just have to say, it makes me laugh really hard that the advert on the side of this page is for some fancy parrot cage.

Rach_star 0

Tuesday 25 August 2009 16:00

lmao!!

tsezu 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 9:32

Wow, lady, you got balls! You absolutely deserve a trophy.

Tehalon 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 9:36

@#7; Thats because a script looks for certain words and pops up a fitting ad. for it.

jakenherman 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 9:37

okay, 1. you try to impress your boyfriends parents by.. talking.. to a .. bird? wow... 2. Did the bird rip open the cage, or did you open the door and shove you head in? your life is pretty f***ed