Sex, Awkward Intimacy Cold shower - FML

Cold shower

MrAwsum - 17/03/2009 20:40 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I came back to my house after a night on the town. Thinking the house was empty, we had sex. Just as it was getting good, my phone beeped. It was a text from my mom, saying, "Quiet down. Even your father can tell you're faking." FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Method acting

Anonymous - 09/02/2013 05:08 - United Kingdom - Frome

Today, I got permission from my parents for my boyfriend to stay over. Things got intimate, and I tried my hardest not to make too much noise. However, while having a post-sex cuddle, we heard my parents in the next room muttering about my "faking". FML

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iris - 18/05/2012 23:01 - Portugal - Lisbon

Today, I brought my boyfriend home, and I introduced him to my parents. Afterwards, I took him to my room so we could have some "bonding" time. Right as things got pretty intense, I heard my dad yell, "Stop faking, honey." FML

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Cheeky

woopdeedo_1 - 07/03/2010 19:56 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a party and crashed on the bedroom floor. I woke up to sex noises coming from the bed. I pretended to still be asleep. I sent a text to my boyfriend to tell him about it. I heard his phone beep from over in the bed. FML

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Just… why?

Ob3nie - 14/07/2014 17:45 - United States - San Francisco

Today, me and my boyfriend decided to have some fun in my room before my parents got home. My phone started vibrating half-way through, and when I saw my mom's picture, I reflexively answered. It wasn't a phone call. It was a FaceTime. Busted. FML

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Hello Zoe

Zoe123 - 19/03/2009 06:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were at his house having sex. After about 30 minutes, his mom came home and started knocking on his door, asking, "What are you doing?" Thinking I might have a chance to sneak out, I got dressed real quiet. Then my boyfriend answered, "Zoe. I'm doing Zoe." FML

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Anonymous - 01/06/2013 00:02 - Guatemala - Guatemala City

Today, I was sending some dirty texts to my boyfriend, when I heard a knocking sound coming through the wall. I sat there for ten minutes before I realized I was listening to my mom and her boyfriend having sex. FML

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Nope out of there

twintowers - 04/07/2009 20:30 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having phone sex. It got very wild and soon was interrupted by a knock on my door. My dad had come home early from work, and heard the whole thing. He demanded my boyfriend to come over, and he had a sex talk with him on the couch in front of the whole family. FML

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Pull up

ohdeargodthatswrong - 09/01/2010 13:25 - United Kingdom

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when my dad pulled up to pick me up from his house. My dad beeped his horn and my boyfriend opened his bedroom curtain, knocked on the window, and waved. While he was still inside of me. FML

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Anonymous - 22/05/2010 23:22 - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my dad called my cell. He ended the phone call with, "and tell your boyfriend to shut up, I can hear him moaning." FML

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Mortified

killmenow - 21/02/2011 01:19 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex while his parents were out. They came home early, ran upstairs, and knocked on the door. Scrambling to find our clothes, we gave up and just hid under the blankets. They barged in, drunk and laughing, and tried ripping the covers off. FML

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mizled 0

Tuesday 17 March 2009 23:27

You read your texts during sex? That's just bad manners...

Chaith 16

Tuesday 17 March 2009 23:31

Hey, that's cool, your boyfriend frequents fmylife.com too! "Today, I was going down on a girl. When I looked up she was texting. FML"

mizled 0

Tuesday 17 March 2009 23:27

You read your texts during sex? That's just bad manners...

Selsa_Squirrel 0

Wednesday 11 August 2010 7:39

That's exactly what I was wondering. :P Why were they checking texts during 'that'?

allstarplayer324 0

Tuesday 17 March 2009 23:28

Ouch....

meddude 0

Tuesday 17 March 2009 23:29

all i've got to say is... hahahahahahahaha

gross__ 0

Tuesday 17 March 2009 23:31

Why would you read a text during sex? Haha, it obviously wasn't too good then.

Chaith 16

Tuesday 17 March 2009 23:31

Hey, that's cool, your boyfriend frequents fmylife.com too! "Today, I was going down on a girl. When I looked up she was texting. FML"

sexylol_fml 4

Sunday 20 November 2011 1:00

Really?!!? That must suck for you! and her!

johobus28 26

Monday 16 June 2014 10:22

#158, that's an actual FML that was published. She didn't make it up

Ghettogreen 0

Tuesday 17 March 2009 23:32

"You're"

Slightmisshap 0

Tuesday 17 March 2009 23:33

work on your "faking" skillz, and maybe it wont have to last as long if its bad.

meddude 0

Tuesday 17 March 2009 23:34

#7: really? it was a quote lame ass

curious_missy 1

Tuesday 17 March 2009 23:36

hehe...but if it's bad just come out straight and say it! I do that all the time!!! Even tho I know how to fake it very very well!

Cjw1220 0

Tuesday 9 November 2010 5:55

Nice pussy...

Brendan3693 0

Thursday 21 April 2011 5:22

same to you, even if it is hidden

LLLP 0

Wednesday 19 October 2011 4:17

Thank you for sharing

pgray18 0

Tuesday 17 March 2009 23:40

hahahaha #7 ur a ****** genious

Kazze 31

Tuesday 31 March 2015 19:45

... Are you kidding me?

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my hormones are so screwed, I popped a boner at the sight of two grasshoppers mating and had to retire to my room for a wank. FML

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Today, I woke to the smell of poop in my apartment. I went to investigate and found out a cat had pooped in my living room. I don’t have a cat. FML

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Today, the student council gave us our senior class t-shirts. Our theme this year is "Striving for Excellence." Excellence was misspelled. FML

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Today, my girlfriend has been playing SZA’s "Kill Bill" on repeat all day. I’m starting to get genuinely scared. FML

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Today, my husband told me "The only reason I stay with you is because it's cheaper than paying child support." FML

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Today, I drove 4 hours to see a girl I’ve been messaging with for months. Her friends came along for everything. I opted to sleep in my car, and go fishing alone. I didn’t know the river was near a nuclear power plant, so I’m probably sterile now. FML

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