ALL FML

It's alive!

By Anonymous - 02/02/2023 00:00 - Germany

Today, I guess my mom didn't clean her toilet before going on vacation. That’s probably why it’s not only dirty, but the dirt has started to grow mould. Spoiler: She's been back from her trip for a while now, the toilet still looks that way. FML

agreeclassic 725

vote type 1 103

What's going on?

By Anonymous - 01/02/2023 22:00

Today, I went to a political debate, and now I'm more confused than when I arrived. FML

agreeclassic 560

vote type 1 261

Back off

By Cassidy - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that my crush didn't make up a fake girlfriend to get me jealous; he made her up as a way to tell me to back off. FML

agreeclassic 13 516

vote type 1 36 660

Everything's gone green

By Anonymous - 01/02/2023 18:00

Today, it's been a month since the hair dye that was supposed to be temporary is still making my hair tropically green, now with some added roots making it look even worse. FML

agreeclassic 341

vote type 1 582

Noisy boys

By Help - 01/02/2023 09:00 - United States

Today, my roommate's dogs dictate where I sleep. When my roommate doesn't work, I get to stay in my bedroom. When he does work, I have to go into the living room because they will bark at me simply because I exist until he comes back. I'm already an insomniac; loud dogs are a little overkill. FML

agreeclassic 724

vote type 1 163

Automaton

By Anonymous - 01/02/2023 14:00

Today, I had to admit that my coffee addiction is really bad when I woke up in a Starbucks with no memory of how I got there. FML

agreeclassic 269

vote type 1 672

Ball and chain

By Anonymous - 01/02/2023 12:00

Today, my husband got mad at me because I asked if we could have 2 hours out of a 16-day trip to go to the beach, just us and our kids. Why is he mad at me for this? Because his mother will be upset if we go do something by ourselves without her. Her husband and the rest of her family will all be on this 16-day trip. FML

agreeclassic 1 247

vote type 1 142

Animal union

By Anonymous - 01/02/2023 10:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I went to the zoo to see all of my favorite animals. When I got there, I realized they must've all been on strike or something, and refused to come out of their enclosures. FML

agreeclassic 600

vote type 1 288

Crawling

By mojolady - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, lice were found in my hair. At the hair salon. I'm now banned from that salon. FML

agreeclassic 32 022

vote type 1 12 611

Kids having kids

By disappointed uncle - 01/02/2023 04:00

Today, I offered to help my 15 year-old nephew with taking care of his newborn baby. First thing I see when I enter his room is him playing Mario Kart on his Nintendo Switch, and his child with a full diaper, screaming and crying. FML

agreeclassic 1 314

vote type 1 204

The GOP approves

By DianneG - 01/02/2023 02:00

Today, my 36 year-old ex-husband is engaged to my 18 year-old little sister. She’s graduating from high school in May of this year. Our divorce was finalized 3 months ago. My life should be a reality drama show. FML

agreeclassic 1 333

vote type 1 132

Spoiler alert

By Anonymous - 01/02/2023 00:00

Today, I spoiled the ending of my favorite show for my friend, so now I'm banned from watching or discussing it with them. FML

agreeclassic 151

vote type 1 1 424

Freeze peach

By Anonymous - 31/01/2023 22:30

Today, my kids decided to draw on the walls with permanent marker, and now my house looks like a modern art exhibit. FML

agreeclassic 722

vote type 1 278

Hefty

By Fatty - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was making out with this guy that I like. In an attempt to be romantic, he tried to pick me up and press me against the wall. He couldn't lift me off the ground. FML

agreeclassic 43 782

vote type 1 16 302

Average New Yorker

By Anonymous - 31/01/2023 18:30

Today, I put my “I love NY” t-shirt on inside out by accident. When I went to a coffee shop, the barista asked, “What’s with the weird NY shirt?” I replied, “I don’t know, it’s just my thing.” FML

agreeclassic 223

vote type 1 719

A man without a plan

By Anonymous - 31/01/2023 16:30

Today, I was going to surprise my partner with a romantic dinner, but when I got home I realized I had forgotten the main ingredient: the food. FML

agreeclassic 229

vote type 1 857

Denied

By Blocked - 31/01/2023 14:30

Today, after months of talking to this guy on Instagram and convinced this was a sure thing, he wanted proof I was real and not catfishing him. I sent him a picture of me holding a paper with his username. He replied, “Sorry, I didn’t know you were a big girl. I need a healthy girl who takes care of herself.” FML

agreeclassic 995

vote type 1 404

Meddling

By Anonymous - 31/01/2023 12:30

Today, after telling my husband how excited I am to be going on a family trip without nieces/nephews because it meant our children will finally bond with each other, his mother took it upon herself to invite our nephew on our trip without asking us. I’m mad at her and my husband is mad at me for being mad at her. FML

agreeclassic 931

vote type 1 142

Checked out

By Anonymous - 31/01/2023 10:30

Today, someone finally pointed out that my 'Out of Office' message has been on for a year. FML

agreeclassic 223

vote type 1 819

Party pooper

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had a bunch of friends over for a party. My mom came stumbling into my room, crying about how she was officially menopausal, and that I was going to "die an only child." FML

agreeclassic 29 850

vote type 1 2 388

No brainer

By Viscerion - 31/01/2023 06:30

Today, I need to know whether it's better to be in a relationship in which I'm not loved and have no intimacy, or live on my own with no family or friends. if I were alone though, I could live in my underwear and eat cereal for dinner if I wanted to. FML

agreeclassic 770

vote type 1 180

Inevitable

By Take me back - 31/01/2023 04:30

Today, my 71-year-old grandmother survived cancer for the fourth time. I'm grateful, but at the same time I find myself feeling sad that she will soon be gone. She has COPD and constantly mentions that she is going to die soon. I wish I could build a time machine and go back to before she became terminally ill. FML

agreeclassic 938

vote type 1 113

Bless you

By Achoo - 31/01/2023 02:30

Today, I've been having really bad seasonal allergies. I was at work, and feeling just about to sneeze for at least a full minute, but thought I could stop it. A customer came up to me, I opened my mouth to greet her… but instead sneezed right in her face. Several seconds before my addled brain caught up. FML

agreeclassic 723

vote type 1 197

Can't win

By Viscerion - 31/01/2023 00:30

Today, I made breakfast for the family. Perfect. Did all the Laundry. Great. Drove the one and a half hour round trip to take my stepdaughter to work. Blah. Finished off by doing some housework and cooking dinner. The dinner wasn't perfect, and my wife told me that for all the good I do, I ruin everything. FML

agreeclassic 1 182

vote type 1 123

Violence is rarely the answer

By anon - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Spencer

Today, I found out that my crush of a few years likes me. How? Her boyfriend told me, followed by a punch in the face. FML

agreeclassic 26 042

vote type 1 1 975

Where are you?

By Budhvaraddams - 30/01/2023 18:30

Today, I had an important test at 7 in the morning, so I sat the alarm at 6 o'clock and fell asleep. Later I was woken up by a call from my friend asking me why I didn't show up for the test. It was 9:30. I'd sat the alarm at 6:00 PM. FML

agreeclassic 686

vote type 1 579

Tradcath

By Anonymous - 30/01/2023 16:30

Today, my husband won’t speak to our son anymore, because our son has slowly become more religious and is now studying to be a priest, "bringing shame on the family" as my husband calls it. FML

agreeclassic 854

vote type 1 256

WTF?

By Viscerion - 31/01/2023 00:30 - Australia - Albury

Today, my wife, in all seriousness, told me she believed I am autistic. With all due respect to autistic people out there, WTF? FML

agreeclassic 637

vote type 1 257

Let him cook

By Anonymous - 30/01/2023 12:00

Today, I realized that I've been using the wrong name for a coworker for the past 6 months. I just found out their real name when I saw their name tag. FML

agreeclassic 309

vote type 1 765

You have arrived at your destination

By Anonymous - 30/01/2023 10:00

Today, an Edible Arrangements driver knocked on my door with the most delicious-looking gift! He was just asking for directions. FML

agreeclassic 714

vote type 1 130

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, I accidentally ran a stop sign. It wouldn't have been so bad if the stop sign hadn't been in a traffic cop's hands. FML

agreeclassic 23 474

vote type 1 47 201

Today, I told my boyfriend of five months that it's time he stopped fighting for custody with his baby mama, and to start focusing more on my kids, whom he said he would take responsibility for. He responded by telling me to pack my things, saying we should all leave. FML

agreeclassic 123

vote type 1 3 042

Today, the weird receptionist at the hotel I'm staying at asked me if I needed an extra blanket because I "looked cold in my sleep last night". FML

agreeclassic 67 881

vote type 1 2 930

Today, I had the once in a lifetime opportunity to interview someone I’ve greatly admired for years and grew up watching. I was naturally nervous, but I didn’t expect to be so nervous I would throw up on him in the first 5 minutes. FML

agreeclassic 4 163

vote type 1 488

Today, I got married. My grandpa took me aside afterwards and said that the moment the ceremony was over, he heard my wife's vagina slam shut. "Welcome to marriage, sucker," he chuckled, "It's just you and Rosy Palm now!" FML

agreeclassic 31 345

vote type 1 3 262

Today, my wife of 10 years bought me a bottle of wine, a wine rack, and a wine accessory kit for my birthday. She knows I don't like wine. FML

agreeclassic 19 858

vote type 1 1 815