ALL FML

One rule for thee…

By Anonymous - 30/07/2023 11:00 - United States

Today, I got screamed at by my boss for holding a guy to corporate policy at a rental agency. The guy was rich, so apparently rules don't apply to him. FML

agreeclassic 837

vote type 1 85

Racist taxi drivers dot com

By Anonymous - 30/07/2023 08:00 - United States

Today, I had to endure an awful taxi ride. He got me to my destination perfectly and on time, but spewed a racist rant about how, "all Indians are scammers" and how, "the Chinese should get out" the entire time. Then the taxi app had the audacity to ask for a rating. 5 stars? I don't think so. FML

agreeclassic 789

vote type 1 224

Sitting ducks

By Anonymous - 30/07/2023 12:00

Today, my friend and I stopped at a convenience store. She mentioned that it was was "a bad part of town", and I angrily reminded her that just because it's a poor area doesn't make it bad, and that she needed to be more tolerant. We then got jumped, beaten, and robbed. FML

agreeclassic 331

vote type 1 1 213

Adding insult to almost injury

By Anonymous - 30/07/2023 10:00

Today, the director of my university decided to cancel all my attendance until now, as I was unable to attend the inauguration program in my university. I was unable to attend the program because the area I had to travel to was flooded and one of the trains I was supposed to travel on caught fire. FML

agreeclassic 814

vote type 1 114

Premature

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Canada - Surrey

Today, the girl I've gone on two dates with showed up at my house with several boxes of her stuff, expecting to move in. FML

agreeclassic 33 531

vote type 1 2 711

Dude, why?

By Anonymous - 30/07/2023 06:00

Today, I texted sweet nothings to a phone number written on the side of my tumble dryer, thinking my crush had left it there, all cute like. Turns out the phone number belongs to my landlord’s maintenance guy, who was not at all flattered by my midnight serenade. FML

agreeclassic 146

vote type 1 1 511

Roadworks

By Anonymous - 30/07/2023 11:00 - Australia

Today, I went to pick my daughter up from school, only to find that a contractor had parked his car across my driveway. After squeezing my car out, I went to drive out of my street, only to find it had been blocked off. I drove in the other direction to find that a bulldozer was blocking the other end. FML

agreeclassic 883

vote type 1 132

Too tired for this shit

By Anonymous - 30/07/2023 00:02

Today, I met a girl at an airport before an early flight, after I’d only had 3 hours sleep. She moved here for a job in radiology. We joked, laughed, flirted, and parted ways. I told my friend, who asked why I hadn't get her number. I joked I would’ve if she'd been a doctor. He then says, “Radiologists ARE doctors, duh!” FML

agreeclassic 137

vote type 1 1 512

Get me out of here!

By Anonymous - 29/07/2023 22:00

Today, my mother is a hoarder and her stuff has taken over the whole house, my bedroom included. I've always felt trapped in my home, but when I can't use my closet or dresser because of her and have a messy room because of it, I feel like I can't breathe. In 3 years I'm moving out, I wish it would come faster. FML

agreeclassic 975

vote type 1 118

Mystery

By disgusting - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I walked past a girl in the cafeteria and she threw up. Naturally, a crowd was drawn. Her friend asked her what was wrong. She pointed at me and said, "Get him away from me!" I'd never met this girl. FML

agreeclassic 47 208

vote type 1 2 807

I like what I like

By lukey101 - 29/07/2023 18:00

Today, my dog won’t eat the premium $30 per kilo food I buy him, but he will eat other dog’s shit. FML

agreeclassic 690

vote type 1 224

How could you?

By Anonymous - 29/07/2023 12:00

Today, I told some coworkers I’m dating a new girl. One of my female coworkers then burst into tears. For the rest of the day, women in the office were giving me dirty looks like I broke the poor girl's heart. Um, I asked her out twice, then politely gave up when she rejected me twice. FML

agreeclassic 1 193

vote type 1 101

Good vacation?

By Yudith - 29/07/2023 04:00 - Canada - London

Today, I returned to work after two weeks of vacation without a working phone. While I was gone, a beloved former colleague died, two Court hearings got postponed because nobody could find the proof the documents were sent to the other party, and half the office went on vacation. Oh yeah, and my grandma died. FML

agreeclassic 815

vote type 1 153

The road to Hell in Hell

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I have an Urinary Tract Infection, causing me to have to use the bathroom about every ten minutes. I'm also about to leave on a 15 hour car trip with my entire family. FML

agreeclassic 37 213

vote type 1 2 791

In this economy?

By Anonymous - 28/07/2023 21:00 - United States - Ontario

Today, I'm broker than ever. I work a full time job but I STILL can't afford basic adult necessities. My mom keeps asking me to pay a bill that I can't afford (and has nothing to do with her) but she's been opening my mail, and questions my unpaid bills. I'm 36 and I can't afford to move out. FML

agreeclassic 775

vote type 1 253

Pectus excavatum!

By Embarrassing Deformity - 29/07/2023 03:00

Today, while making out with my girlfriend, I got the courage to take off my shirt. I told her in advance that I had a sunken chest and she'd told me it was no big deal. Turns out it was, as she wretched at the sight of it, and then broke up with me. FML

agreeclassic 1 109

vote type 1 126

What did I do?

By Anonymous - 29/07/2023 08:02 - Australia - Sydney

Today, like every other day, my older sister hates me, and I have no idea why. She refuses to speak to me and has never provided me with a reason why. She gets along great with my younger sister though and I get to see them having fun together in Facebook posts all the time. I'm heartbroken and she doesn't care. FML

agreeclassic 910

vote type 1 125

BIKES?!

By David - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I decided to ride my rusty old bike to work, since it might be good the environment. I was standing up and had a tight grip on the handlebar. The handlebar came off and I fell down onto the crossbar, busting my nuts. FML

agreeclassic 43 843

vote type 1 10 359

Insurance is a scam

By Anonymous - 28/07/2023 18:00

Today, a certain insurance company that rhymes with “Asshealth” caused my autistic ass to lose over a year of sobriety from self harm when their intentionally frustrating automated system caused me to blackout and I bashed my head against a doorframe, all to be told to call a different number that didn’t even work. FML

agreeclassic 636

vote type 1 378

Spooked

By chrskr13 - 28/07/2023 12:00 - Denmark - Soborg

Today, I had to sleep on couch cushions on the kitchen floor because I saw a tiny spider crawl under my bed. FML

agreeclassic 257

vote type 1 816

Alexa, play "A Man Needs a Maid" by Neil Young

By Anonymous - 28/07/2023 10:00 - Croatia - Zagreb

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend after concluding we're not compatible at all. He said he knew it all along, but he thought I was "good for all the house stuff." FML

agreeclassic 798

vote type 1 167

Surprise !

By kelsey - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, someone stole my phone at a concert. They apparently thought it would be funny to text my mom saying I was pregnant. FML

agreeclassic 65 650

vote type 1 5 099

Secret life

By Anonymous - 28/07/2023 06:00

Today, my dad has dementia and has been getting my name wrong with increasing frequency. During one of his lucid moments, he ended up admitting those wrong names are actually of his other 7 kids, my half siblings to various women, 5 in this country and 2 in Europe, but I’m not to tell my mother. FML

agreeclassic 947

vote type 1 99

Preparation is key

By powerspin_fml - 27/07/2023 18:02 - Canada

Today, both my boss and my wife's boss gave us the day off. Do we go biking with the children? Do we go on a picnic with the children? No, I'm not allowed doing anything until she and I find a world-class, free activity to do. This is gonna be our day off. FML

agreeclassic 691

vote type 1 173

Nature calls

By anon - 27/07/2023 22:00

Today, my idiot boyfriend, who thinks he's an outdoorsman, made sauce from mushrooms he'd foraged. I refused to eat it. He got upset and had two helpings. He's now in bed, whining about how bad he feels. Stupid dumbass. FML

agreeclassic 904

vote type 1 187

Nice!

By ugh thanks - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Dayton

Today, I asked my husband to tell me something nice about myself. He thought for a few moments, then said, "Uh, you shit quietly." FML

agreeclassic 47 083

vote type 1 6 914

Great start to life

By Anonymous - 27/07/2023 11:00 - United States

Today, after discovering that I’m pregnant from a week-long fling three months ago, I reached out to the guy, praying he’d be willing to offer some financial support, as I’m flat broke. Turns out he died in a car accident last month. I can’t even afford an abortion. FML

agreeclassic 966

vote type 1 775

Stuck in the life script

By Anonymous - 27/07/2023 15:00

Today, I was talking to my dad about how I don’t think I love my fiancé anymore. He sat me down and gave me a severe talking to that amounted to, “We’re a respectable religious family, he’ll be a good husband, you’ll make babies and grow old together. You don’t need to love him to do that.“ FML

agreeclassic 1 029

vote type 1 208

70% less brain power

By RaastadAarseth - 27/07/2023 12:00

Today, I had a very hard and long exam and I was completely prepared for it. I was so confident in my abilities and I'd studied really hard. When I entered the exam hall and took the paper, I realized that I had forgotten to bring my calculator. FML

agreeclassic 695

vote type 1 365

Hot wheels

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was driving when I saw that a cute guy was staring at me. Flattered, I smiled at him, but he didn't even react. I realized he wasn't admiring me, he was admiring my truck. This is the fifth time this week. My truck gets more game than I do. FML

agreeclassic 51 306

vote type 1 8 039

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, after having set up a date with a wonderful guy who seems to really like me, I caught a cold. I have also lost most of my voice because of it, so I now sound like an angry, deranged goose when I talk. This will be the first time he meets me in person. So much for a good first impression. FML

agreeclassic 4 688

vote type 1 384

Today, my new husband of two weeks attempted to solicit sex from a hooker. He tried to excuse himself by saying, "I would never cheat on you! I was just looking." FML

agreeclassic 6 449

vote type 1 592

Today, I told my mom that I’m a lesbian. She was fine with it, supported me 100%, and it was a huge relief, until she followed up with, “Until you find a husband, then you’ll obviously have to stop all that.” The reason I even told her is because my girlfriend just proposed to me, and we’re engaged. FML

agreeclassic 1 177

vote type 1 197

Does this guy really deserve it so many times? And who did it? We know.

agreeclassic 511

vote type 1 151

Today, my boyfriend confessed the reason we haven’t been intimate in months is because he can’t get it up unless he is drunk. I’ve been refusing to get intimate when he’s drunk because it’s not enjoyable and mostly painful, but I still have needs. FML

agreeclassic 685

vote type 1 180

Today, my husband asked with genuine concern if I would be able to breast feed our kids when they are born, since my boobs are so small. FML

agreeclassic 2 133

vote type 1 260