All the FMLs

Overreaction much?

By Broke af - 15/07/2024 11:00 - United States - Riverside

Today, while at work in a medical office, I had the itchiest and most distracting bug bite. I went the supply closet and got an alcohol cleansing wipe to help cool it off. It worked great but I was then fired for theft for using what costs less than a tenth of a cent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 658

You deserved it 110

So close…

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, a pretty co-worker invited me out for drinks after my shift. I have no money left until payday. Embarrassed, I had to decline and go home alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 303

You deserved it 7 432

Summer lovin'

By I wish I was making this up - 15/07/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I found out my cat and my roommate's dog are apparently lesbians who are into what is basically bestiality to us humans. Despite both being female (and fixed), his dog tried to hump my cat, and my cat didn't resist at all. Trying to get his dog off my cat took way more effort than it should have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 357

You deserved it 118

It's Joever

By Anonymous - 15/07/2024 08:00 - United States - Warren

Today, I had an extremely embarrassing moment when I tried to pay my restaurant bill. First, I tried swiping my card, only for it not to work. After the cashier suggested I insert my chip card, I tried putting it on the bottom, only for it not to be there. I finished by putting the card in the proper place upside-down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 278

You deserved it 168

Caught in the middle

By Anonymous - 15/07/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, my wife has a drinking problem. She's stopped drinking liquor but still drinks beer, and even though I work and make great money, we are always scraping by. I’m at the point of leaving but we have an almost three year-old and one year-old and I feel like I’m going to get screwed in divorce court. FML

I agree, your life sucks 584

You deserved it 106

Is it just me or…?

By Anonymous - 15/07/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom - Hornsey

Today, after I ghosted a good friend for 6 months due to mental health issues/dropping out/other life changes, it's been a week since I got back in contact, and I think she hates me now. I stalk her on social media sometimes on my laptop and she made a playlist called "What the F*** are you doing?" like 3 days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 747

Oh hell no

By bigcityfail - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I learned that my apartment building has two new tenants: my ex-girlfriend and her fiancé, the guy she cheated on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 307

You deserved it 3 376

Carly Rae Jepsen

By Anonymous - 14/07/2024 23:00

Today, I was setting up a rat trap at the kitchen table and had just gotten it set when my phone rang. I foolishly leaned over to grab my phone, brushed against the trap, and it snapped closed on my nipple. I wasn’t wearing a bra so that thing grabbed my nipple hard and didn’t let go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 260

NEXT!

By Anonymous - 14/07/2024 16:00 - United States - Lafayette

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because I got a haircut without asking for his permission first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 129

The ick

By Rosalind - 14/07/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, I realized my best friend has it bad for me. This man has treated me better than the guys I’ve dated. He goes above and beyond for me, and makes me feel safe, valued, and respected. He’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a guy, except he’s butt-ugly as fuck. I feel so bad that I can’t return his feelings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 270

You deserved it 847

Daily news

By tj85 - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I received a letter in the mail. The letter was from a woman who explained to me every single detail of a three month affair she had with my husband. She included pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 573

You deserved it 2 691

Sort yourselves out

By Anonymous - 14/07/2024 16:00 - Germany - Buchholz in der Nordheide

Today, my health insurance refuses to pay for either contraceptives or the small surgery to get my tubes tied, even with a doctor’s note confirming I need it. They are quite happy, however, to pay for any number of abortions, subsequent therapy, and/or complications during childbirth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 575

You deserved it 98

Come home

By Anonymous - 14/07/2024 11:00

Today, my daughter is such a bitch that when her husband texted to say he’d be 30 minutes late after work, she rang him to yell at him. He got so upset, he decided not to come home at all and booked a hotel, which was awkward for everyone waiting to surprise him with a birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 658

You deserved it 168

The first step is being able to admit it

By Anonymous - 14/07/2024 09:00 - Czechia - Litoměřice

Today, my grandmother hates me. So much so that I've become a rotten, desperate, and overall evil person with no thoughts and considerations towards other people. My family doesn't know this, but I can never undo the damage she has done to me since birth (as she raised me). I only care about my own well-being, nothing else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 408

You deserved it 204

Never question upper management!

By Anonymous - 13/07/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, I told my supervisor that I would have appreciated more oversight when running an advanced protocol for the first time recently. I'm now doing remedial basic training, for reduced pay and benefits, and my probationary status is "extended indefinitely." FML

I agree, your life sucks 438

You deserved it 132

My favorite letter is L

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my 8 year-old niece and I were arguing over how many letters were in the alphabet. Guess who was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 111

You deserved it 51 304

Real Housewives coded

By Anonymous - 14/07/2024 03:30 - India

Today, just because my mum's friend's son got better grades than me, she's now treating me like shit. You know what lady? His mom is way better than you too! She didn't attempt to kill her child half a dozen times, and you don't see me complaining about it all day long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 526

You deserved it 118

Boundaries

By Anonymous - 13/07/2024 16:00 - United States - Central Square

Today, while I was at work, the cops were called for a wellness check on me because I'd blocked my bio father for being a pedophile. He'd called them on me, and I'm really embarrassed and upset. FML

I agree, your life sucks 582

You deserved it 103

Meltdown

By Anonymous - 13/07/2024 13:00 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my best friend of 8 years told me she is dating my ex-boyfriend. They've claimed to be best friends for the last 16 years. I told her I was bothered by it. She immediately blocked me on all social media platforms, but my ex still follows my accounts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 233

You must conform

By lefthandspanker - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Craig

Today, my slightly batshit insane grandma called me disgusting and unladylike. Why? For writing with my left hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 348

You deserved it 1 717

PDA FML

By Anonymous - 13/07/2024 09:00 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, after asking my boyfriend multiple times to be more kind and romantic, he looked at me lovingly and said, "You know, you look pretty sometimes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 405

You deserved it 179

It's a man's world

By He started it! - 13/07/2024 03:00 - United States - Riverside

Today, I got tired of my brother-in-law making disgusting immature misogynistic remarks so I decided to shut him down by boasting that I make twice his annual salary in a month. Now my husband is pissed at me for humiliating his brother, and letting everyone know out-earn them both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 637

You deserved it 206

Send positive thoughts

By Anonymous - 13/07/2024 03:00 - United States - Nashua

Today, I learned that I am probably going to be homeless. My fiancé broke up with me on our two year anniversary because my mental health is declining rapidly. I recently lost my job and a parent. I have been isolating and no longer have supports. I just want my life to have meaning again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 575

You deserved it 138

Chemical warfare

By Anonymous - 12/07/2024 21:00 - Canada - Terrace

Today, while sitting on the couch with my husband, I farted quietly. Not a big deal, except it's hot out and our fan was blowing in his face, and it stunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 158

You deserved it 441

Knackered and shattered

By Out of Shape - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Egypt

Today, I decided to start exercising. I almost passed out five minutes into the warm up, and couldn't even stand in the shower afterwards. I'm only 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 135

You deserved it 35 900

Don't yuck his yum

By Anonymous - 12/07/2024 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I can’t get over that my husband will watch children’s movies all by himself, even though we don’t have kids. Seriously, I brought a friend over today and when we walked in he was drinking beer, watching a cartoon movie about a ladybird-themed superhero girl. It was so embarrassing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 1 136

Time out

By nooo - 12/07/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, after a fight, my boyfriend brought me a soda that exploded when I opened it. Furious at his constant childish bullshit, I threw his ass out. Two hours later, my son confessed that he'd shaken the cans as a joke. I tried to call my boyfriend, but he'd blocked my number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 936

Nothing to do with us

By ticker $fml - 12/07/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, after I lost $5000 in crypto yesterday, I'm now down about $150k total since the start of the year. I just deployed more and bought $FML to make up for the losses. Hopefully it’ll happen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 932

Drifting like a ship with no captain

By stuckass - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Pakistan

Today, our office had a mock audit before the real thing. I got warning note for not maintaining proper databases for last year's activities. I only joined a few months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 449

You deserved it 1 599

The shame

By Dave - 12/07/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom - Salisbury

Today, I found a photo of me as a sad-looking teenage schoolboy. No wonder. Under that uniform, I was wearing women's shapewear. I was a chubby kid and, against my will, I was forced into wearing a firm control panty girdle - ashamed, uncomfortable and terrified of being caught, it really messed me up for life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 632

You deserved it 109

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my lesbian best friend told me she might be bi and wanted to try sex with a guy she trusts, AKA me. She eventually convinced me, but after we'd had 'weird best friend sex' she decided she’s a lesbian after all, and I “took advantage of her temporary confusion,” so we’re not friends anymore. WTF? FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 148

Today, I was in the mood for morning sex, but my wife told me to go wank it off in the bathroom. Three minutes later I was mid-wank when she started banging on the door because I was taking too long, and she needed to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 203

You deserved it 385

Today, I am not allowed to have any of my candy because of my sister's weight problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 228

You deserved it 4 431

Today, the Jehovah's Witnesses were at my door. Normally I don't give them the time of day, but I was so lonely for company, I let them in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 082

You deserved it 7 766

Today, my boyfriend used my love handles as ACTUAL love handles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 924

You deserved it 20 160

Today, I yelled at my spouse in front of 20 guests for not coming to blow out his birthday cake candles. Turns out he was in the other room, quietly changing his disabled friend's diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 461

You deserved it 213 198