ALL FML

Keeping up appearances

By vanessax - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Crown Point

Today, my seven-year-old told me to lose weight. Her reason? There's a family fun day coming up at her school and she is embarrassed. FML

agreeclassic 21 576

vote type 1 23 459

Sounds like an FML commenter

By Megan M - 25/08/2024 18:00 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 3 years cheated on me. I was extremely devastated, and was crying in my room. My mom told me that it’s not a reason to cry. Apparently, “There’s people out there without anything to eat, nowhere to live, and people dying of cancer - that’s a REAL reason to cry.” FML

agreeclassic 598

vote type 1 155

Agony

By Megan Stevens - 26/08/2024 08:00 - New Zealand - Lower Hutt

Today, I got told by the doctor that my aching knees indeed have advanced arthritis, meaning I'm grinding bone on bone 24/7. At 49, I'm "relatively young," meaning they want me to survive for as many years as I can before they'll replace them. Never mind that I've already been in agony for 10 years. FML

agreeclassic 533

vote type 1 77

Classic combo

By Bad day - 25/08/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, I had quite the long and busy day at work. Also today, the AC in my workplace decided to go on vacation. I was sweating and about to pass out by the end of it. Then, as I was walking home, I got pooped on by a bird. Twice. FML

agreeclassic 459

vote type 1 89

Snitch

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got fired from my job. My manager found Facebook pictures of me drinking underage at a party. He said he didn't want "that kind of image" associated with the business. It was his birthday party. He supplied the booze. FML

agreeclassic 34 636

vote type 1 20 713

Kevin REALIZES he's LITERALLY not going home [GRAPHIC]

By Anonymous - 25/08/2024 16:00 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I carpooled with my boss for the first time. To avoid any small talk, which makes me really anxious, I turned on my Spotify. Unfortunately, I forgot I'd been listening to a true crime podcast the night before. We spent the next 15 minutes listening to a gruesome murder description before I realized it. My boss looked horrified. FML

agreeclassic 101

vote type 1 523

Anger management issues, sir?

By Anonymous - 25/08/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, I yelled at my girlfriend because I thought she'd thrown away an important form I needed to fill out. I found it a few minutes later, just stuck to the back of another piece of paper. After apologizing for getting mad, all she said was, "I'm used to it." FML

agreeclassic 67

vote type 1 1 137

Reluctant teambuilding

By Anonymous - 25/08/2024 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, during a Zoom meeting, five out of the six attendees claimed their cameras were broken and were audio only. I get that Zoom meetings suck but come up with a better excuse than that, or just say you prefer to be audio only, Jesus. FML

agreeclassic 136

vote type 1 419

Unintentional insult

By Anonymous - 25/08/2024 09:00 - Slovenia

Today, I work at an IT company where we hand out laptops to our users, which we also equip with passwords. I used bird names from my language for the passwords. Turns out one of the passwords was a derogatory word for a woman who is very sexually active, because it's spelled the same as a type of bird here. FML

agreeclassic 389

vote type 1 126

Orienteering with Napalm Death

By Anonymous - 25/08/2024 05:00

Today, after my husband got in an argument with our neighbour and decided to build a fence, he got a surveyor to mark the boundary. It’s not where we thought it was, and his temper has cost us over half of what we thought was our garden. My vegetable garden and half of my Koi pond are on their side now. FML

agreeclassic 238

vote type 1 620

Wardrobe malfunction

By Unknown - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I decided to wear a tight, long-sleeved shirt that showed off my body. As I was trying to roll up my sleeves, I realized how tight the shirt really was. It wouldn't budge past my elbow, and I tugged so hard I ended up punching myself in the eye. I now have a swollen, black and blue eye. FML

agreeclassic 9 800

vote type 1 37 405

Body issues

By JeremySayz - 25/08/2024 00:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was in an elevator with a coworker I barely know. My stomach thought that it was time to remind me I hadn’t eaten breakfast. It growled like a dying whale, and my coworker gave me a concerned look. To make it worse, the elevator got stuck for five minutes. We stood in awkward silence, with my stomach making noises the whole time. FML

agreeclassic 406

vote type 1 119

Experimenting

By anon - 24/08/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I found a recipe online that looked delicious and not too complicated. Halfway through cooking, I realized I was reading the instructions for two different recipes and had combined them into one horrific dish. The resulting meal tasted like burnt cardboard mixed with regret. My girlfriend ended up ordering takeout. FML

agreeclassic 145

vote type 1 493

Chilling

By BondingTime - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I was babysitting my nephew and we decided to color together. He drew a picture of someone who looked dead, almost zombie-like, while everyone else looked pretty normal. When I asked who it was, he said in a serious, scary voice, "It's you." FML

agreeclassic 40 382

vote type 1 4 210

How does that happen?

By Anonymous - 24/08/2024 16:00 - Australia

Today, I started a home workout routine by following a YouTube video that promised "beginner-friendly" exercises. While attempting a lunge, I lost my balance, fell forward, and knocked over my TV. The TV fell onto my yoga mat, breaking both. Now I have no motivation and no TV. FML

agreeclassic 227

vote type 1 352

What happened?

By Someonethrowmeabone - 24/08/2024 08:00 - United States - New York

Today, I'd finally found a decent job after months of unemployment, I'd even got my kids into after-school care for my job. They'd told me they could handle my autistic son. I got them back at the end of the day today and they said not to bring them back. What the hell do I do now? FML

agreeclassic 508

vote type 1 114

It's not what you think!

By Paula - 24/08/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I was walking to work when I noticed a cute guy ahead of me. He turned into every single street that I needed to take, and I started to worry he might think I was following him. Just as I was about to overtake him and prove I wasn't a creep, he turned into the building where I work. He's the new intern. Now I have to avoid eye contact for the rest of my life. FML

agreeclassic 299

vote type 1 253

My body, my choice

By Anonymous - 24/08/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, when I left for work, my girlfriend had gorgeous, very long (down to her hips), dark red hair. When I came home from work, her head was shaved. I asked her why she did it, and all she said was, "I just got tired of taking care of it". FML

agreeclassic 411

vote type 1 382

Randy old bird

By Anonymous - 24/08/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom

Today, and since I moved into a new house, my neighbour has made it clear at least 10 times that if I wanted to come over for “coffee” she’s free any time her son isn’t visiting, and it will be the best “coffee” I’ve ever had. I’m 23. Her son is 50 and an angry giant. She is at least 80. FML

agreeclassic 495

vote type 1 105

Fun vacation times

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I needed to relax, so I ordered room service at my hotel. When I was finished, I went to put the tray outside, not thinking about needing a key to get back in. I locked myself out of my room, wearing smiley face underwear in a $250 a night hotel. I had to go to the lobby to get a new key. FML

agreeclassic 10 474

vote type 1 27 389

Shame!

By Anonymous - 24/08/2024 00:00 - Slovenia - Ljubljana

Today, I had a doctor's appointment. When I got there they informed me that it was indeed on August 21st, but 2025. I showed up a year early. The embarrassment and awkwardness was probably felt by the people in the next building as well. FML

agreeclassic 378

vote type 1 129

Confusing guys and their bro code

By Men are weird - 23/08/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, my son tried to fight my husband, his step-dad, who knocked him to the floor with one good punch. I was ready to throw my husband out, but an hour later they were having a heart-to-heart, and now they get along better than they ever have. HUH?!! FML

agreeclassic 347

vote type 1 190

The ultimate betrayal

By nick - 23/08/2024 11:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I learned of my girlfriend’s affair with her coworker. And by coworker, I mean my long-time friend, who we helped get a job at her work in the first place. FML

agreeclassic 556

vote type 1 60

Move on

By Anonymous - 23/08/2024 07:00 - United States - Puyallup

Today, it was my the last day of my time off work for my birthday weekend and I had so much fun, but I was thinking about my ex-fiancé for a lot of the time because I still haven’t gotten closure with that situation. All I wanna do is SCREAM because I just turned 30, got dumped and have to keep on going. FML

agreeclassic 332

vote type 1 235

Never engage with the enemy

By Anonymous - 23/08/2024 14:00 - United States - Henderson

Today, I was at a grocery store when I saw a kid waving enthusiastically at me. Thinking he was adorable, I waved back with a big smile. The kid looked horrified and ran to his mom, screaming, "Stranger danger!" Everyone in the store aisle turned to stare at me like I was some sort of creep. FM

agreeclassic 394

vote type 1 110

Goodbye horses

By Anonymous - 23/08/2024 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband announced he bought a horse for our daughter. A freaking horse. Does he not realise how expensive it is to keep a horse? Stable fees alone are almost £700 monthly, then there’s vet bills, equipment, it’s endless. We are not wealthy, this will ruin us. FML

agreeclassic 568

vote type 1 86

Not so demure start to the year

By Anonymous - 23/08/2024 00:00 - United States - Santa Clara

Today, it was my first day of junior year and a little freshman scumbag pushed me out of the way for no apparent reason. FML

agreeclassic 316

vote type 1 131

Weird flex, but okay…

By Anonymous - 23/08/2024 06:00 - United States - Trenton

Today, I went through a fast-food drive-thru and gave my order in a perfect British accent for fun. When I got to the window, the cashier handed me my food and said, "I love your accent!" Caught off guard, I replied, "Oh, thanks a lot!" in my normal New Jersey accent. The confusion on her face was priceless. FML

agreeclassic 100

vote type 1 532

Yesterday's news

By rofld - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I ran over a newspaper with the lawnmower, instantly volunteering myself to pick up confetti for hours. FML

agreeclassic 18 022

vote type 1 28 356

Growing old is a shipwreck

By Sad Son - 22/08/2024 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I visited my Mum. She has invited me to visit her before, but kept cancelling whenever I tried to arrange an actual visit. I finally went over anyway, only to find her in a soiled nappy, room in ruins, with kidney failure-induced dementia. Sometimes they hide it well over the phone. FML

agreeclassic 589

vote type 1 115

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Awkward Pokémon Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, during a romantic shower with my girlfriend, I slipped, fell, and took the both the shower curtain and rod with me. My dignity hurts more than my butt. FML

agreeclassic 3 739

vote type 1 547

Today, I asked my mom what her biggest craving was when she was pregnant with me. Her answer: an abortion. FML

agreeclassic 55 756

vote type 1 5 333

Today, my husband and I were getting it on when we heard a little giggle. I put on my robe and looked outside my room to find that no one was there. So we continued. I later called my seven year old son and out he came crawling from under the bed. FML

agreeclassic 53 410

vote type 1 11 798

Today, after a week of being tired and depressed, I realized my bottles for anti-depressants and muscle relaxants had gotten switched around. FML

agreeclassic 6 679

vote type 1 1 498

Today, I thought I had gotten away with throwing a party while my folks were gone the night before. They came home and I was as sweet as possible. I could tell they were not buying it, but I thought I was in the clear. Later, they told me I had drunk-dialled them and spilled the beans. FML

agreeclassic 15 208

vote type 1 30 506

Today, I waited on an elderly man whose wife had just left him. After him going on and on about how his dog will love his leftover chicken, I nervously caught a case of verbal diarrhea and uttered, "Well, if there's chicken involved, I'll get on my knees and be your dog." FML

agreeclassic 11 402

vote type 1 36 060