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By failingdaily - 20/09/2014 02:27 - New Zealand - Paraparaumu

Today, I went on Facebook, only to see my grandpa had posted "feeling horny" with my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 071

You deserved it 4 040

Gamers CAN have a love life

By Anonymous - 04/03/2022 10:00

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because I was having an affair in The Elder Scrolls Online. While ranting to my online elf husband, he got upset that I had a real life boyfriend and dumped me too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 286

You deserved it 1 901

By HiImAlfredo - 14/09/2014 18:47 - United States - Hampton

Today, I went deep-sea fishing with my friends. I told them my new phone case is waterproof, and I showed them by pouring a bit of water on it. My friend decided to throw it in the water for a better example. The case didn't float. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 101

You deserved it 7 425

By LawSchoolBoi - 30/04/2019 00:00

Today, I told my roommate she had to pay $55 to replace a piece of the oven she broke. She told me I was being selfish and decided to illegally break our lease because I was, "making her feel unsafe." Now I not only have to pay for the oven repair, I also have to pay her next two month's rent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 312

You deserved it 206

No sex for you

By Anonymous - 09/01/2021 05:01 - United States

Today, I realized that my fiancée is using our son to make sure we can't have sex. He's two years-old and hasn't once slept in his own bed or crib. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 142

You deserved it 241

Roommates from Hell

By Snoodist - 06/05/2019 20:00

Today, as usual, I got home to find that my roommate had eaten all my groceries and left a mess behind for me to clean. To be fair, this time she did some cleaning - she "energy cleansed" my room with a sage wand, burning a huge hole in my mattress in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 130

You deserved it 159

Repent!

By Mauro - 22/03/2022 16:00

Today, I told my ultra-Catholic mother that I was hanging out with a girl. While walking out of the flat, I didn't realize that I'd dropped one of my condoms out of my pocket. My mother saw it and ripped it apart, then yelled at me that, "Sex is for having children! You're giving yourselves to Satan!" I'm 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 322

You deserved it 359

Close call

By MC - 14/05/2009 14:11 - Canada

Today, while working at a children's day camp, one of the kids who is allergic to peanuts went into anaphylactic shock. I ran and grabbed the boy's Epipen. I was holding it backwards so the injection went into my hand, causing me to pass out, and both of us to be rushed to hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 638

You deserved it 56 876

Half man, half armchair

By Anonymous - 23/06/2023 15:00

Today, one of my kids thought it would be funny to superglue me to my armchair while I was asleep, except they’re idiots who used way too much. I am now fused to the cushions and had to call an ambulance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 849

You deserved it 154

By Nobody - 27/11/2009 21:39 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife had an affair with our marriage counselor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 797

You deserved it 3 293

Hangry

By emilyparker - 01/09/2014 02:55 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I went out with my best friend to McDonald's for a late night snack. Turns out she lied to me and just used me to pick up the boy she likes so they could go stargazing. I'm now laying beside them as they look at the stars and make out. I just want fries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 830

You deserved it 5 253

Let me speak to the manager

By Anonymous - 18/06/2013 00:27 - United States - San Jose

Today, I started my new job as a cashier for a drugstore. As I scanned some children's medicine for a family, I gave the girl a tissue because her nose was running. Later, my boss sat me down and told me there had been a complaint about a "female pedo-employee." I'm the only woman working there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 143

You deserved it 2 785

Asshats can be fathers too

By NotInTheMood - 14/03/2022 14:00

Today, my husband wants to leave me because I’m “taking too long” to recover from my C-section and he’s “tired of jerking off.” His logic is that he recovered in 6 weeks after he got 12 stitches on his leg, and, “I’ll be fine.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 549

You deserved it 176

Thanks but no thanks

By Anonymous - 04/07/2012 18:01 - United States

Today, I called my mom to see how she was doing. She quickly hijacked the conversation and said that she's signed me up for a dating site, because she feels bad that I can't find a decent man. I've been dating my boyfriend for seven months, and she's seen me with him multiple times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 574

You deserved it 2 415

By Kristinmarsh08 - 29/10/2010 12:02 - United States

Today, I texted my dad and told him I was getting married in five months. His reply? "I gotta work that day." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 372

You deserved it 3 718

Stressed out

By amy1023 - 26/11/2009 10:18 - United States

Today, I complained to my boyfriend that I was stressed out. He asked me, "What do you have to be stressed out about?" I work 50 hours a week and go to school full time. I ask him what was stressful about his day, he told me that his "kill/death ratio went down on Call of Duty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 809

You deserved it 8 218

By bloody - 15/06/2013 08:57 - United States

Today, my fiancé threatened to leave me for "bleeding too damn much." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 186

You deserved it 5 093

By friendly_neighbourhood_psycho - 19/08/2011 22:47 - Sweden

Today, I was helping some friends put supplies in my crush's car for our picnic. His girlfriend cracked a joke about me, so I just sarcastically laughed and slammed the door shut. Now she has three broken fingers, and I have a reputation as a psychopath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 390

You deserved it 9 415

By TinyDancer22 - 25/11/2009 16:57 - United States

Today, I put on my hazard lights, pulled over to the side of the road, and stopped traffic on a busy road to rescue a black cat that had been hit by a car. With everyone watching, I got a towel and slowly approached the cat. It was a garbage bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 560

You deserved it 36 754

TinyDancer22 tells us more.

TinyDancer22 0

Thursday 26 November 2009 7:33

Yes I have a towel in my car. I bring my dog to the beach all the time and use towels to cover the seats.

Spring cleaning

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to mow the lawn with a weed-whacker because it rained a lot the past week and the push mower was broken. I started "mowing", and forgot that I was mowing where the dogs take dumps, I absentmindedly whacked over dog poop… which got flung into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 197

You deserved it 26 438

It's alive!

By notmyrealname123 - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Canada - Kitchener

Today, I found my cat downstairs with a squirrel dangling from his mouth. When I saw this, I yelled at my cat to put it down. He did. Turns out the squirrel was still alive and run. I had to spend the next three hours chasing it out of my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 043

You deserved it 6 591

By Anonymous - 08/05/2009 04:18 - United States

Today, I was running on a track above a basketball court. I noticed several cute guys playing a pick-up game, so I tried to run my hardest. Not paying attention, I didn't hear when they warned me about the ball flying towards me. It hit me in the head, I then ran into a wall and face-planted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 431

You deserved it 40 981

By Anonymous - 16/08/2011 03:31 - United States

Today, a cute guy in a bar came up to me, and we started chatting. I'm a natural blonde, and he commented on how nice my hair was. He then followed this up with, "Does the carpet match the curtains?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 782

You deserved it 5 197

By spanishteach - 07/05/2009 14:50 - United States

Today, I told my students that I would be absent tomorrow because my wife was giving birth. They burst into applause... not to congratulate me on the new baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 286

You deserved it 13 696

By maddiee. - 21/10/2010 15:20 - Indonesia

Today, I was on Skype with a guy I really like, in the living room. My dad saw that I was on video chat, got undressed, right down to his bright green y-fronts, and then started dancing behind me. My crush saw it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 319

You deserved it 7 341

By Jay - 06/05/2009 04:52 - United States

Today, my boss asked me to pick up some supplies for a presentation. I entered the store in the middle of an armed robbery, was knocked to the floor, and had my cash, phone and credit cards stolen. When I told my boss the story, she said, "So were you able to get the binder clips?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 482

You deserved it 3 393

By Anonymous - 24/05/2019 20:07

Today, I spilled grape juice on my new white shirt. I bleached it and scrubbed it until there was nothing left to see. I threw it on, ready to dart out of the door, when my dad walks in after fixing the lawnmower and puts his greasy hand right on my shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 007

You deserved it 175

By ThisGuy97 - 12/08/2011 20:46 - United States

Today, I pulled a muscle. Not in any kind of sport or exercise, but while reaching for my computer mouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 952

You deserved it 32 302

By Anonymous - 19/11/2009 07:08 - United States

Today, after a long day of cleaning, I decided to make a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch. Reaching for what I thought was Pam I coated my bread with spray and put my sandwich in the pan. Pledge makes a great looking sandwich, but the lemony flavor tastes like crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 653

You deserved it 30 366

By arther - 03/06/2019 02:05

Today, I got up at 3:15 a.m. to be ready for work at 5 a.m. I get to my work station to find absolutely no work to do. After talking with my boss, I was sent home with no pay. If I'd been employed there 3 weeks longer, I would've been paid for 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 780

You deserved it 158

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The Top

Today, while putting a water bottle into the fridge, I suddenly had to sneeze. The force of my sneezing propelled my head against the open fridge door, causing a gushing wound to my forehead. Bless me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 132

You deserved it 3 615

Today, after my roommate decided to become a vegetarian, her new food choices are making her pass deadly, nauseating gas all night. We have a busted window that won't open. I'm afraid I may not live to see tomorrow morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 149

You deserved it 2 589

Today, I asked my Swedish friend for some lines to impress this Swedish girl I'd met at an expat party he took me to. I practised them all evening before I met her. I told her my feelings, and she scowled. Apparently I had wished the devil upon her - after asking if I could ejaculate on her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 134

You deserved it 22 892

Today, since my daughter refuses to eat any kind of soup whatsoever, I asked her "What are you gonna do when you’re on a date?" She replied with, "Uh...not order soup?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 221

You deserved it 1 957

Today, on my wife's and my 30th wedding anniversary, my dad once again told me the "honeymoon phase" won't last and soon we'll begin hating each other, and fighting all the time. Dad, it's been thirty fucking years and we're still very in love. Just admit you and mom had a shitty relationship and leave us alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 619

You deserved it 121

Today, I find it to be absolute horseshit that I’ve been denied disability benefits even though I’ve been in and out (mostly in) treatment for cancer over the past four years. Meanwhile my 600 lbs+ neighbor has been draining the system for decades. I can’t even find a pro bono attorney to help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 954

You deserved it 139