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OP here! Just to clarify, I didn't intentionally antagonize him and he didn't intentionally bite me. I was playing with my neighbor's retired therapy dog, and whilst trying to pull a toy from his mouth, he chomped down on my finger. It was most definitely an accident, and though it hurt like hell, we have forgiven each other and we're friends again. And I've learned my lesson about watching my fingers while playing with a dog.

By Angel - 22/06/2015 02:16 - United States - Utica

Today, while swimming under water, my 80-pound lab thought I was drowning and tried to "rescue" me by jumping in after me, wrapping his front legs around my neck, and standing on my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 185

You deserved it 2 169

By jamisbetter - 11/04/2015 12:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I got headbutted for saying that Nutella is overrated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 923

You deserved it 18 969

Alarmed

By oops - 29/07/2015 06:15 - United States

Today, thinking no one was home, I decided to be a little frisky with my boyfriend. I guess I was being loud and woke up my sleeping autistic brother the room over. Halfway through, he burst through the door, panicking. He thought I was having another one of my asthma attacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 007

You deserved it 9 806

By morphea - 29/04/2015 22:54 - France - Chantepie

Today, coming home, I discovered that my dog had left me a beautiful mound of poop in the middle of the corridor. He'd made an effort, though: there was a roll of shredded toilet paper next to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 790

You deserved it 2 677

By xxlenalunaxx - 29/04/2015 11:11 - United States

Today, after waiting for 2 weeks for the right moment to meet my boyfriend's mom, she walked in as I was straddling him, trying to prove that I'd win in a wrestling match. I guess we met, then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 606

You deserved it 4 291

By soconfused - 03/03/2015 10:15 - United Kingdom - Belfast

Today, I have been at my new job for almost a month and still have no idea what I'm doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 367

You deserved it 11 510

By supercharged - 05/04/2015 18:03 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, I came back from a week-long vacation where I had no internet whatsoever. I turned on my phone to get notifications, hoping to see a message or two that I'd missed while gone. There was 1 notification, telling me how many FMLs were posted while I was away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 184

You deserved it 3 355

By YuckyDuckyLucky - 03/06/2015 17:36 - Norway - Oslo

Today, I attempted to break the record for the heaviest squat in my local gym. A small crowd witnessed me breaking the record as well as releasing a huge fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 862

You deserved it 5 839

Bought or stolen

By dump truck hater - 03/06/2015 16:18 - United States - Austin

Today, when leaving my apartment, I instantly noticed there was a giant dump truck in our lot, which turned out to be directly behind my car. After making a 20-point escape from my parking space and getting to work late, my roommate texts me, "DUDE guess what I got last night." A giant dump truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 802

You deserved it 2 229

By Anonymous - 11/07/2015 06:13 - Australia

Today, my boss told me I wasn't getting the promotion I'd been angling for. I was so pissed off, I ranted to a coworker about it over lunch. Turns out my boss was just testing how I dealt with rejection before making his final decision. He overheard my rant and me calling him a Nazi bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 210

You deserved it 37 398

By Anonymous - 05/06/2015 01:07 - United States - Elkhart

Today, at work a customer bitched me out for not explicitly telling her that our peanut butter pancakes contain real peanut butter. She's threatening to sue because she's allergic to peanuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 858

You deserved it 2 140

By leonuniz - 19/04/2015 16:34 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my grandma told me point-blank that she despises gays, but that she'll go to my wedding for the booze and nothing more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 552

You deserved it 5 130

By that was mine - 15/05/2015 22:26 - United States - Cherry Hill

Today, my mom cleaned out my bank account, saying my "no-good dad" owes her child support and that she'll get it one way or another. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 948

You deserved it 2 355

By anonynous - 27/06/2015 15:01 - United States - Charlotte

Today, while watching a family movie, my mother made every effort to make sure I covered my eyes during a kissing scene. I guess it shouldn't be a surprise, since she still forces me to put my phone in her room every night as she makes me go to bed at 8:30 PM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 735

You deserved it 3 648

By TooMuchAnxiety - 10/03/2015 08:03 - United States - Kailua

Today, my ex-boyfriend asked me to homecoming, in front of the whole school, knowing I have social anxiety. I was forced to say yes to not seem like an asshole. Now I can't back out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 113

You deserved it 7 534

TooMuchAnxiety tells us more.

TooMuchAnxiety 6

Wednesday 11 March 2015 5:55

For everyone asking why we broke up, its because he was very manipulative and downright abusive behind closed doors. I can't back out because i'm afraid of what might happen if I do.

WAKEY WAKEY

By izaya - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Muskogee

Today, I woke up with a electric dog collar on my neck. I wouldn't have noticed it until my stepfather turned the collar to the highest intensity just to wake me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 932

You deserved it 2 220

Spray it loud!

By klutz44 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Winnetka

Today, I took my 2 year-old to a public restroom. I was just about to set her on the toilet when the automatic flush went off, scaring her and causing her to pee all over both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 281

You deserved it 3 004

By double trouble - 04/05/2015 04:04

Today, I found my bike that was stolen a week ago in front of someone's house. Now this wouldn't have been a problem if my husband didn't steal it to go meet with his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 909

You deserved it 2 572

Underwhelming

By rabbitkiller - 20/06/2015 10:42 - China - Wuhai

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents, and now they have a dead rabbit because I sat on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 730

You deserved it 5 755

By looking4newvenue - 23/02/2015 20:49 - United States

Today, my wedding venue called and canceled our reservation because we were double booked with a spaghetti bingo night, which they felt was more important. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 641

You deserved it 2 972

By Anonymous - 19/06/2015 19:51 - United States - Seattle

Today, a cute guy asked me if I was single. When I said yes, he said "Yeah, you look like the type", and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 188

You deserved it 2 452

By WayToGoDaddyHo - 08/07/2015 06:17 - United States - Beaverton

Today, my father lectured me for dating a man with "no future", even though he's entering a PhD program next year at a top university. Meanwhile, my dad's last relationship was with a 20-year-old hooker who ended up stealing his credit cards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 014

You deserved it 1 851

By Anasztaizia - 26/03/2015 06:58 - United States - Burnsville

Today, I was told by my boyfriend's parents to never come back to his house again, and was given a lecture about rule breaking. Apparently, curfew is midnight, and he isn't allowed to have girls over. This didn't sound so unreasonable until I remembered that we're both almost 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 964

You deserved it 4 002

Anasztaizia tells us more.

Anasztaizia 3

Thursday 26 March 2015 22:54

OP here! #51, you are both correct and incorrect. It IS actually his place, but he bought it off his parents. TL;DR: when they decided it was time to downsize, he bought their house off them, but they haven't moved out yet. The mentality of it still being their house, their rules (which I agree is sensible) hasn't quite left their heads yet.