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By NotAMorningPerson - 12/02/2011 04:02 - United States

Today, after informing my boss that I needed stress leave from my 70-hour-a-week shifts, I got my new work assignment. Sixty hours a week, starting at 2 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 578

You deserved it 4 066

By StantheMan93 - 02/02/2015 23:59 - United States - Perrysburg

Today, my wife's boyfriend learned that you can't flush condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 192

You deserved it 3 602

By Meowingtons500 - 28/11/2011 04:02 - Canada

Today, I was looking through some old family pictures for a scrapbook I'm making. I found images of my dad passed out in his underwear, my great-grandpa having a drunken bath, and an unidentified moustachioed man sitting on the toilet, giving the photographer the finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 588

You deserved it 3 142

Meowingtons500 tells us more.

Meowingtons500 18

Monday 28 November 2011 22:51

Think Mario moustache + typical Saskatchewanian redneck man with a 80's trucker hat and you gots it.:)

Nice try

By Anonymous - 12/06/2009 04:41 - United States

Today, I discovered that my fiancé had tried to fake his own death because he thought it would be easier than confessing to the affair he was having. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 699

You deserved it 3 500

By Patricia - 01/10/2011 23:30 - United States

Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home, he was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 632

You deserved it 5 731

By Anonymous - 07/12/2010 16:09 - Guatemala

Today, I got mugged. After taking my cell phone, the guy politely said: "Thanks. Have a nice evening. Be careful on your way home." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 140

You deserved it 3 181

By miss tomato - 08/06/2012 16:36 - United States

Today, I was really badly sunburnt, so I put on some after-sun. The only type we have has glitter in it, and now I look like a sparkling tomato. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 526

You deserved it 5 680

Humping

By needanotherbed - 28/05/2014 14:21 - United Kingdom - Ipswich

Today, I climbed into bed with my sleeping boyfriend after a long shift at work. He immediately rolled over, clamped my leg between his knees, and started viciously humping it. This is the fourth time now, and he still doesn't believe that he even does it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 444

You deserved it 6 207

Stuck on Amber

By 1234567898765432 - 27/03/2009 16:47 - Canada

Today, I went to a Stoplight Party. Green shirt = single, yellow = hard to get, and red = taken. I showed up wearing a red shirt and saw my boyfriend in a green shirt. Thinking it was a mistake, I asked him jokingly why he wasn't wearing red. He looked at me oddly and said, "Oh, you didn't get my text?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 113 719

You deserved it 6 132

By Anonymous - 07/09/2009 22:08 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years proposed to me. I said yes and he gave me an engagement ring. He immediately went to call his mom to tell her the happy news. After the phone call, he asked if he could return the ring because his mom needed money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 537

You deserved it 3 879

Time to call it quits

By Cooky - 14/03/2010 09:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I learnt that the people I work with dislike me so much that they have a competition to see who can accidentally hurt me the most. How did I find out? A chef poured boiling water over my hands, and another shouted "50 POINTS!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 470

You deserved it 6 739

By aloha - 12/03/2010 21:17 - France

Today, I landed in Hawaii for my vacation. I have a really bad ear infection, and to top my day off, my girlfriend blurted out mid-flight that she thinks we're not going to work out. Aloha! FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 244

You deserved it 2 191

By Anonymous - 04/03/2010 10:06 - United States

Today, my mom walked in on me and my boyfriend having sex. She was completely embarrassed (as was I) and she flew out of the room. My boyfriend, on the other hand, still wanted to finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 449

You deserved it 20 769

Thanks, I hate it!

By thebabysitter - 14/08/2009 07:34 - United States

Today, I just got done watching my cousin's two kids for four days while they were on vacation. I fed, clothed, and bathed them for four days of hell and got paid with a $5 shark tooth necklace from the Bahamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 030

You deserved it 5 358

By dasteve - 29/11/2011 05:45 - United States

Today, I won $20 on a scratch ticket my grandma bought me. She wants it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 300

You deserved it 2 863

By Meg - 13/06/2009 22:46 - United States

Today, I found out the identity of the pervert who's been staring at me through my bedroom window in the late hours of the night. My parents and I decided to set out a trap for 'him' instead of reporting to our local cop. Turns out, we caught my 37 year-old neighbor in the act. He's the cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 402

You deserved it 2 821

Bye bye loser

By Anonymous - 25/09/2010 02:00 - United States

Today, it was my last day with my boyfriend before he went to college. At the store, he got a huge box of condoms. When I asked why he was getting so many, he said they were for the girls he meets at college. He then asked me to steal them for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 036

You deserved it 5 030

By cockroach - 27/09/2009 15:52 - United States

Today, I saw a cockroach on the ceiling. Immediately I got a stick to smack it down. When I hit it, it fell and landed in my mouth. Karma much? FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 341

You deserved it 16 760

By lawl - 07/05/2011 13:25 - Canada

Today, my date asked if I could drive his friend home before we went out for breakfast. His friend had blonde hair, big boobs and wore a skimpy black dress. He wasn't 100% sure of her name. I guess I drove home my date's one night stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 463

You deserved it 12 127

By thatgirl - 18/06/2016 21:19 - Canada - Richmond

Today, my boyfriend took me to get the abortion that we both agreed on. He was being so supportive through the whole thing. When it was all over I thanked him for coming. He replied, "Well that's what got us here in the first place!" He's still mad he can't tell anyone his joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 797

You deserved it 4 883

By dreefsa - 05/02/2012 08:08 - United States

Today, some guy hit my car and then threatened to sue me for "parking my car in such a way that it was impossible not to hit it." My car was in the driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 688

You deserved it 2 329

Creepypasta

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got ice cream with a guy I'd met at a wrestling match a few days ago. When I got home, I found out that my mother had been sitting in the parking lot and watched us through the windows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 890

You deserved it 2 936

Pipe down

By Carl - 16/10/2011 12:47 - United States

Today, my landlord compared me to his idiot son for not plunging a toilet. This is the same toilet he explicitly told me not to plunge last week, because of a possible leak into the basement. We have been peeing outside for a week waiting on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 428

You deserved it 2 589

Calling all stations

By Gurl - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Ireland - Dublin

Today, the iPhone app I downloaded that plays cricket noises during the night, has attracted a horde of actual crickets into my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 715

You deserved it 29 184

What the F, lady?

By Anonymous - 01/09/2012 00:49 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, the girl I went on an awkward date with two weeks ago showed up at university and started smashing my car with a bat. She then broke down in tears and alternated between declaring her love, and cussing me out for "cheating" on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 232

You deserved it 2 505

By what_the_hell - 20/06/2013 08:35 - Finland - Helsinki

Today, while bagging my groceries at a store, a lady came over to me, took a good look at the food I'd bought, picked out an item and put it in her bag. When I confronted her, she called security on me and told them I wanted to steal her stuff. I got thrown out and she walked away with a smirk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 912

You deserved it 3 610

Comedy gold

By skippy_liz - 26/10/2010 07:48 - United States

Today, I went to the library to pick up a copy of Romeo and Juliet for my English class. After looking around for half an hour, I asked the librarian. "I couldn't find Shakespeare anywhere. Where could I find him?" She quickly replied, "He's dead", giggled to herself, and went back to her work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 598

You deserved it 8 915

By NotAmericanIdol - 23/04/2009 20:04 - United States

Today, I was home by myself. I was singing "If I Had A Million Dollars" really loudly since I figured no one could hear me. As I'm really into the song, my neighbor shouts, "If I had a million dollars, I'd give it to you to stop singing" and slams his balcony door shut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 572

You deserved it 29 249

By Anonymous - 20/04/2013 16:34 - Thailand

Today, I can no longer leave my son at daycare, because at the age of 5, he's started manipulating the girls there into fighting over him. A kid lost a baby tooth in one such brawl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 072

You deserved it 7 070

You must be ******** me

By MyLyfeSux - 25/09/2009 22:09 - United States

Today, I went to the restroom at school and when I finished my business, I noticed there was no toilet paper. I then began to wait, hoping that a janitor would come by with extra toilet paper. It wasn't until an hour later that I then realized there was four extra rolls hidden behind the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 935

You deserved it 53 994

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The Top

Today, I finally decided to sleep with my boyfriend. It was my first time and I was really nervous so when he was being all romantic with candles and wine I went a bit overboard and drank too much. I passed out. I woke up a few hours later, still a virgin, and in a puddle of my own piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 980

You deserved it 34 751

Today, I found out the passport office sent my passport to the wrong address. They sent it all to my ex-wife (currently separated) who is now asking for money in exchange for the documents, as well as me signing a divorce that she hasn't started. I'm from Australia; I can't go see my family because of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 150

Today, I bought an expensive dress because it was me and my boyfriend's one year anniversary, and he was taking me somewhere nice. When he saw me in the dress, he looked at me, laughed and said, "Seriously, what are you wearing?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 342

You deserved it 7 332

Today, I went to look at a used car I was really looking forward to driving. It wasn't in as good condition as I'd hoped. The seller still expected me to buy it, even after he had to spray in half a can of Oklahoma Choke octane booster just to get it to fire up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 91

Today, my family and I went to the coast. Our dog was off the leash because we were the only people around. He was delighted to find a dead seal carcass and roll around in its remains. We then had a 3 hour drive home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 649

You deserved it 8 646

Today, I claimed I was pregnant to get back at my ex and the girl he cheated on me with. I tagged him in my "ultrasound" pic, saying it was his baby, hoping she would dump him. Turns out there’s this thing called "reverse image search" and he posted the Google page where I got the ultrasound from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 214

You deserved it 7 875