The Top

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Pretend it's snowing

By babypenguin00 - 29/08/2015 19:20 - United States - Newark

Today, marks the third girlfriend in a row that has broken up with me for my terrible dandruff. I can't control it as I was born with psoriasis. All three girls called me pathetic for "making up" a disease to try to get them to stay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 337

You deserved it 1 984

Rookie mistake

By no selfie for me - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Pasadena

Today, I was at the park unsuccessfully trying to take a selfie. A stranger walked up to me and offered to take the picture for me. I agreed and gave him my phone. He took it and ran off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 277

You deserved it 59 965

By ananomus - 22/08/2010 04:26 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend started to kiss my boobs. I am pregnant and started my lactation period. Now every time he looks at me he calls me milky way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 265

You deserved it 5 941

Nope

By Anonymous - 15/01/2013 17:45 - United States

Spicy

Today, I finally felt ready to have sex for the first time, with my boyfriend of nearly 8 months. When I told him, things became intimate and pants came off. He then looked at me and said, "Yeah, I can't do this." The rest of the night was spent in awkward silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 912

You deserved it 6 683

By weirdlove - 23/01/2010 08:38 - Australia

Today, while my boyfriend and I were eating ice cream, he put his arm around me and began leaning in for what I thought was a kiss. Instead, he grabbed and began jiggling my stomach fat, along with making raspberry sounds. Once he was done, he did the same to my thighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 652

You deserved it 8 012

By maggie74 - 27/06/2012 04:58 - United States - Enfield

Spicy

Today, I sent my boyfriend a nude picture, he sent it back to me with a mustache on my face from that iPhone app and told me he likes it much better that way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 873

You deserved it 9 620

By biggirlsdocry - 06/03/2012 13:56 - United States

Today, I texted my boyfriend, and he pretended he was a Burger King employee who found a lost phone, just so that he wouldn't have to talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 345

You deserved it 4 734

By Victor - 09/09/2009 12:32 - United States

Today, I fell asleep in my last period class. When I woke up my teacher said "you missed your bus". I grabbed all my stuff and ran out the room. My class mates were standing outside the class laughing. We still had an hour left in class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 664

You deserved it 59 299

What an ass

By Benjamin - 25/01/2012 05:03 - United States

Today, a coworker thought it would be funny to put a tack on my chair. When I sat down, it went directly into my butt. When I sprang up, I hit my head on a lamp. I then hit my head on my desk on the way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 813

You deserved it 3 061

Get on with it

By MyMomIsInsane - 10/03/2015 00:28 - United States - Uniontown

Today, my mom demanded that I go into the basement and fix the water heater. I told her that I had no idea how to fix it, so she threw my phone down the stairs, told me to Google it, and locked the basement door behind me. It's been two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 847

You deserved it 3 238

By Anonymous - 26/12/2011 04:52 - United States

Today, a guy rang my doorbell, yelled "Happy Halloween" and then threw a bunch of leaves that he'd lit on fire at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 017

You deserved it 2 771

User manual

By Drewzter - 11/01/2010 03:33 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out that pinching the tip of the condom before you roll it down to the base is NOT a suggestion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 977

You deserved it 26 531

By Anonymous - 30/12/2010 15:37 - United States

Today, my mom thought it would be a good idea for me to talk with a British accent during my job interview to make me sound smarter. I'm applying for a job at McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 623

You deserved it 5 381

By Anonymous - 06/11/2014 12:15 - United States - Gainesville

Today, my eight-year-old microwaved our thermometer to see if the temperature would change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 735

You deserved it 4 263

By Anonymous - 04/12/2010 05:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up, and he came by to get his things while I was at work. When I got home I saw that the only thing he had taken was my cat. I only dated him for 5 months, I've had that cat for 14 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 658

You deserved it 3 808

Double down

By coyote - 02/09/2010 07:25 - Japan

Today, I'm recovering from abdominal surgery. In addition to pain, I'm having trouble peeing and haven't pooped since Sunday, so my surgeon prescribed a laxative. Turns out I'm allergic to it. Now I'm covered in hives, even in my ears, incisions, and lady parts. I also still haven't pooped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 066

You deserved it 2 812

By Jamie - 10/03/2010 20:29 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having phone sex when he stopped responding. Five minutes later and ready to hang up, he apologized because he got distracted with his game of Tetris. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 937

You deserved it 4 003

By stitchesupmyass - 01/11/2011 21:50 - United States

Today, I got my period. Last week, I fell out of a window and landed between my legs on a bush; I have massive swelling down there, and stitches over the ripped flesh. Now I'm bleeding out my period on top of the lingering wounds down there. It hurts even to pee, let alone menstruate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 792

You deserved it 4 692

By Anonymous - 14/11/2010 08:46 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over with a broken engraved bracelet that I paid 50 dollars for. I was angry but when I stated, "I'm going to call them and get a new one!" my boyfriend said back to me, "No it's okay, I didn't really like it anyways." It was for our two year anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 090

You deserved it 15 247

By lilmamma - 05/11/2010 17:29 - United States

Today, I took my four year old son to the playground. When it was time to go, he squirmed out of my arms back to the jungle gym. Not being the type of mother to put up with bad behavior, I swatted his rear and told him we had to go. That's when I realized I'd just spanked the wrong child who was wearing the same coat as my son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 145

You deserved it 50 446

By Anonymous - 12/05/2009 03:43 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a really bratty little girl. She came and cuddled up on the couch so I took it as an apology. I feel asleep while she was sitting with me and when I woke up she had peed on me. She locked herself in her room and was laughing about peeing on me for discipling her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 760

You deserved it 7 599

Taco Bell, huh?

By tanya - 25/10/2010 12:32 - Canada

Today, I was in a rush and forgot to flush the toilet after taking a huge dump. After coming home from work, I checked my Facebook to find myself tagged by my boyfriend in a photo. The photo was of the toilet, with the caption, "This is what Taco Bell does." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 162

You deserved it 41 067

By Anonymous - 20/10/2010 07:11 - New Zealand

Today, I discovered that my son has an allergy to cats. My partner of two years, not wanting to fight, suggested a compromise: that my son and the cat take turns sleeping outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 743

You deserved it 5 896

Inspirational

By wetsheets - 07/01/2013 13:01 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Spicy

Today, my partner was inspired by 50 Shades Of Grey to try making me orgasm with a full bladder, therefore intensifying the experience. He was right, it was mind blowing. It also made me piss the bed for the first time in twenty-odd years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 075

You deserved it 7 704

Vocab test

By shut up. - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - New Zealand

Today, I was mentioning to a coworker how there was a huge lull today in business. A young coworker then turned to me and sead in a snooty tone, "I think you mean a 'lol', it's pronounced L-O-L." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 458

You deserved it 3 311

By Deadfish - 26/07/2009 17:17 - United States

Today, I was walking to the pet store to buy a month's worth of fish food for my fish so I wouldn't have to come back for a while. For fish food it was expensive. It was also surprisingly heavy and I had to carry it back to my house. When I got home, I saw my fish floating at the top of its bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 404

You deserved it 7 149

By bexes - 27/08/2013 10:29 - United States - Katy

Today, I was told that the $500 I'm owed for babysitting isn't going to happen. Why? Because after six months of watching a friend's six children, she's moved 120 miles away and no longer needs me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 795

You deserved it 4 428

bexes tells us more.

bexes 7

Wednesday 28 August 2013 2:04

Hey guys, OP here. After reading some of the comments I can see there is a bit of confusion. The babysitting thing was a great gig at the start. She was paying me $200/week. What had happened was she hurt her back and couldn't work but had to go to multiple dr appointments there after. I was wanting to take a CNA course that cost $500. So we agreed she would pay for the class if I continued to watch the kids during her appointments. I held up my end she didn't.

Priorities

By Forever sad - 06/10/2011 00:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, I learned that my mother might not live much longer. My boyfriend, instead of showing compassion asked me, "We're still having video chat sex, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 844

You deserved it 4 653

By Lucy - 21/07/2012 07:40 - United States - La Mesa

Spicy

Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been in love with for the past two years. Five minutes in, he passed out on top of me from a pain pill overdose and had a mini seizure. He finally woke up and groans, "Those bastards! They confiscated my clothes!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 638

You deserved it 5 451

By Anonymous - 02/04/2013 10:30 - United States - Beaumont

Today, my boss threatened to fire me for killing him in Minecraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 466

You deserved it 8 366

FML on Facebook

Keywords

My ex Love Sex Weird Surprise Work Roommate Fire Neighbours Miscellaneous Noise Birthday Cute Embarrassing Games Weddings Awkward Money Suspicious Music Cops Drunk Poopoo peepee Gross Cars Transportation Relatable Bodyshaming Dating Family

The Top

The Top

Today, I met an old friend from high school and his hot girlfriend. I jokingly said she must be blind to go out with him. His response: "Yeah, she is." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 251

You deserved it 37 035

Today, I found some pictures of the boy I have a crush on online. Not only is he a crossdresser, but he's also a better looking woman than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 530

You deserved it 6 206

Today, I was sleeping in my room when I awoke to an unfamiliar female voice in my apartment, followed by a thud. I walked out to find a drunk girl I've never met collapsed in my doorway. After puking all over the place, she had me call her father, who picked her up 10 minutes later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 490

You deserved it 3 179

Today, it's my birthday, I once again had to remind my best friend of this fact, like I have every year for the past 20 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 283

You deserved it 364

Today, my boss told me, and only me, to leave work before I was done because I'm a minor and he can't have me sticking around at work as long as I do. I'm not a minor. My coworkers are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 779

You deserved it 109

Today, I’m tired of being blamed that my kids don’t want anything to do with their dad. He somehow forgot that they saw him cheat on me while I was in the hospital, got another woman pregnant while we were still married, and put her kids above them. He made his bed, so why am I the bad guy? FML

I agree, your life sucks 548

You deserved it 66