The Top

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By Flip - 02/05/2012 05:06 - France

Today, to avoid looking like a loser in front of his friends who all have girlfriends, my brother made up a perfect relationship. He asked me to give him a hickey in exchange for 50 euros. Our parents walked in on us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 818

You deserved it 58 562

By SuzyTurquoiseBlu - 29/08/2012 05:32 - Australia - Fairfield

Today, I received a call from my future sister in-law, telling me that she and her future husband had decided to hold their wedding ceremony on my birthday. I was told not to celebrate my birthday, as it would "take away the attention to the true meaning of the day." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 196

You deserved it 2 105

SuzyTurquoiseBlu tells us more.

SuzyTurquoiseBlu 25

Thursday 30 August 2012 1:54

Well, they aren't really liked in the family and I think that its both really rude and sad of them to try and piggy-back their special occasions with mine. My sister in-law and her fiancee got engaged in the waiting room while I was in ACTIVE labour with my daughter and got pissed off that everyone wasn't falling over themselves to congratulate them.

Stuck on you

By Eeeek - 26/08/2010 21:17 - Bulgaria

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex in a rarely used room at school. We got carried away and found ourselves locked in. We slept there overnight. We woke up when the cleaning lady found us the next morning and were greeted by worried parents and school staff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 138

You deserved it 52 980

By blah blah daddy - 02/10/2010 23:08 - United States

Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 447

You deserved it 10 383

By nuttedthefout - 28/04/2011 13:16

Today, I bought my boyfriend a gold watch for our 2 year anniversary. He bought me a jar of Nutella. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 638

You deserved it 9 632

By jaxattax - 20/10/2009 20:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a fancy chocolate candy and I got angry at him for forgetting that I'm allergic to chocolate and threw the candy into the garbage disposal. Turns out, he had spent a ton of money getting a chocolatier to put an engagement ring inside the candy that I just destroyed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 567

You deserved it 82 950

By Anonymous - 15/08/2011 17:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me while we were at the pool. He seemed shocked that I wasn't crying. A slim girl in a bikini walked past and said, "Don't worry, fat people are used to it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 934

You deserved it 5 274

By Sad - 28/04/2009 22:13 - United States

Today, my house got broken into. My brand new laptop was stolen, along with my flatscreen TV, digital camera, external hard drive and some clothes. Wanting to drown my sorrows in the Ben and Jerry's Phish Food ice cream in the freezer, I opened the door to find that it too had been stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 32

By Rainbow92 - 19/08/2009 23:43 - Bulgaria

Today, I decided I need help, so I confessed to my mother that I'm bulimic. After she looked it up online she started screaming at me for "Wasting food that I'm not paying for." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 052

You deserved it 11 450

The passenger

By benander - 15/09/2009 21:14 - United States

Today, I was in the bathroom defecating when I felt something hanging there. I reached back with toilet paper and starting pulling it out inch by inch; 3 feet later I learned I had a tapeworm. Worst of all, no pharmacy has the med the doctor prescribed. I have to live with this thing until the med gets here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 052

You deserved it 4 115

By Anonymous - 20/02/2012 03:00 - Canada

Today, I had to leave the movie theater early because I couldn't fit in the chairs. I guess I'll see it when it comes out on DVD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 367

You deserved it 57 674

By Dammit - 07/07/2012 04:45 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I found out that I'm allergic to bacon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 561

You deserved it 5 875

By Anonymous - 23/10/2011 11:45 - United States

Today, I woke up, showered, and began brushing my teeth. When I started to brush my tongue I gagged, like usual, and threw up a little. What's unusual? I threw up a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 291

You deserved it 4 601

By woohoo420 - 04/04/2012 16:14 - United States - Chino Hills

Today, I was so baked out of my mind that I argued with my parakeet over who farted. I could be wrong, but I think I lost the argument. Worse still, my boyfriend had been standing in the doorway long enough to hear everything, even me farting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 657

You deserved it 41 510

By ripfluffy - 28/09/2009 07:15 - United States

Today, I learned to check inside the oven before you preheat it. Sometimes children hide their pet rabbit in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 658

You deserved it 10 032

By fatty - 03/08/2010 22:37 - United States

Today, my family and I watched Madagascar 2. When we got to the part where Gloria the hippopotamus is praised for her chunkyness, my little sister looked at me and said, "If you were a hippo, maybe then you would get a date." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 175

You deserved it 7 430

By CheeseyPotatoes - 11/04/2011 13:16 - United States

Today, I wore a fake wedding ring on my left hand when buying a pregnancy test so the cashier at Walmart wouldn't think I'm a slut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 728

You deserved it 73 632

By jshi8 - 04/08/2011 14:35 - United States

Today, I was taking a dump behind a dumpster. I suddenly heard a noise and a vibration against the dumpster. It was a garbage truck lifting it to collect the trash. The garbage men started laughing and took out their phones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 851

You deserved it 79 936

By reckless - 17/07/2010 19:34 - Canada

Today, my dad found my "list". 32 guys, 4 girls. Colour coded as to who I would sleep with again and who I wouldn't, who were virgins, etc. He complimented me on my "organizational skills." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 555

You deserved it 61 238

By blegh - 27/12/2011 21:50 - United Kingdom

Today, my 18-year-old son asked me if I was a virgin. I still don't know what to say to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 171

You deserved it 8 892

By soliveyerlife - 21/03/2009 09:35 - United States

Today, my parents yelled at me for coming home at 1am this morning from a friend's birthday party. I'm 30 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 062

You deserved it 128 135

By Username - 06/06/2011 03:29 - United States

Today, I just bought a car with all of my own money. Then, when I brought it home my dad informed me that my mom will be driving it to work every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 738

You deserved it 4 114

By planking champion - 17/10/2011 22:05 - United States

Today, I was given an entire week of detention for planking on my school desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 101

You deserved it 80 402

By Anon. - 01/03/2011 23:51 - United States

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 632

You deserved it 91 093

By daninalani - 11/03/2012 22:37 - United States

Today, I was discussing the possibility of other life in the universe with my friend. She said the universe isn't big enough for it to be possible, and that we would know about it already, because "there are only 8 planets in the universe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 358

You deserved it 3 276

daninalani tells us more.

daninalani 5

Monday 12 March 2012 2:08

FML bc i spent all morning trying to tell her about how big the universe was. she just got angry.

By Anonymous - 26/11/2011 02:09 - United States

Today, after I went to collect my pay for babysitting, the girl's dad pulled the old "Can I pay you in Trident Layers?" bull on me. Hoping to show that I wasn't going to play ball, I told him that watching his gran inhale a cock would be funnier. If scowls could kill... FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 357

You deserved it 65 568

Red flag

By paddy - 14/07/2009 12:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a neon-themed party. Standing by the UV light, I looked down and realised my pad was glowing through my tights. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 585

You deserved it 16 534

By sad - 25/10/2011 10:15 - Reserved

Today, my parents got rid of our detachable shower head. Looks like I'm single again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 167

You deserved it 36 596

By ravenskater - 04/04/2011 02:47

Today, I was at a grocery store with my 3 year old son. As I was picking a cereal out, an older man comes over and says, "You should have used condoms. What an ugly boy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 461

You deserved it 6 510

By Anonymous - 09/06/2009 17:07 - United States

Today, I had a food allergy test done because of an ugly acne upswing, and after over a year of vegetarianism, I find out that I'm allergic to soy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 197

You deserved it 22 426

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The Top

Today, I'm left with two non-refundable tickets to Jamaica, because my now ex-boyfriend said his Quidditch tournament is more important than seeing my "fat ass in a bikini". FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 981

You deserved it 6 651

Today, I was picking up my little sister from school and while waiting I decided to have a smoke. I was caught and was told to go to the principal's office. I'm 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 409

You deserved it 28 923

Today, I found out that the same doctor who came over to run Covid tests on my family actually infected us with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 282

You deserved it 144

Today, a co-worker invited me to go out for lunch with him. I politely declined, saying I had too many errands to do. The truth is that I'm just too broke. I'll be buying myself a burrito using quarters I found on the floor of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 767

You deserved it 3 311

Today, I missed my bus. I had to ride my bike 2 miles. Once I left, some jerk nearly hit me. I flipped him off and shouted obsceneties. It was my dad, offering me a ride. He left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 686

You deserved it 42 619

Today, I stopped by the gas station. As I was filling up I noticed a cute guy at the pump next to me. When I was done, I gave him a wink before opening my car door. It was locked. I had to call my Dad to bring my spare keys. The guy was laughing the whole time as I waited for my Dad to show up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 703

You deserved it 54 495