Spicy

Break time

By Samantha K - 19/10/2020 20:08

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he stopped and got dressed. Naked and confused, I figured he’d be right back. Yeah, 20 minutes later with a plate of food for himself. So much for sex. It would've been nice if he told me though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 641

You deserved it 212

Relativity

By Anonymous - 19/10/2020 17:01

Today, I found out my husband of eight years has been cheating on me, so I decided to let the lady's husband know that she was unfaithful as well. His response was that I ruined his day. This has ruined mine and my kids lives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 564

You deserved it 240

Freudian slip

By LLP - 15/10/2020 17:01 - United States

Today, I found out there's nothing like getting dumped and then receiving an inadvertent Snapchat sext from your ex-girlfriend that was intended for her new boyfriend, on what would have been your anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 613

You deserved it 152

Practical

By Anonymous - 14/10/2020 09:01 - Canada - Fredericton

Today, my 27-year-old boyfriend told me he hides our condoms in his Poké Ball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 989

You deserved it 518

Boundaries

By Anonymous - 14/10/2020 02:01

Today, I walked in on my parents, who are in their late 50s, having sex. That's not the worst part, it's understandable; we all have needs. However, I walked in on them doing it on my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 758

You deserved it 159

Monster couch

By smurfette7413 - 13/10/2020 05:01

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a little fun when the pull-out couch decided to try to eat us. Now I have a broken nose and my boyfriend keeps making jokes about the "human eating couch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 292

You deserved it 216

Tiger King

By ??? - 12/10/2020 08:00 - United States

Today, I asked my wife how we could spice up our sex life. She wants me to dress up and talk like Joe Exotic. No, she wasn’t kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 419

You deserved it 241

When pranks go wrong

By Anonymous - 12/10/2020 08:01

Today, as punishment for a prank, my girlfriend has banned all forms of sex, kissing, or touching for the foreseeable future. She’s also started stripping as soon as she gets home and walking around in just her thong, or sometimes even completely naked, just to make my suffering worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 741

You deserved it 2 639

Jumping the gun

By Jenna - 12/10/2020 02:02

Today, my boyfriend of one week kissed my stomach and began speaking to our "baby." We haven't had sex yet. In fact, I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 611

You deserved it 144

I don't wanna

By Anonymous - 11/10/2020 15:02 - Estonia

Today my mother, who was once shocked to realise that my older sister was having unmarried sex, told me to go and 'get some' because it's good for my health. I'm asexual. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 219

You deserved it 392

Honest mistake

By Anonymous - 10/10/2020 11:01

Today, my girl and I with got caught having sex in the car by cops. They thought we were smoking bongs because the windows were foggy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 898

You deserved it 862

Some people just never learn

By WhatJustHappened - 09/10/2020 14:02 - United States

Today, as a millennial, I had to explain to a baby boomer why he needs to use condoms when having sex with his 25-year-old girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 315

You deserved it 222

It's the new craze!

By Peggy Peggerson - 09/10/2020 02:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I’d feel comfortable pegging him. I had no idea what that meant, so I had to look it up. I tried to keep an open mind but it was just too far outside my comfort zone. Now he’s sulking and complaining about me being a prude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 388

You deserved it 516

Tricky situation

By fml9124 - 08/10/2020 10:01 - United States - Omaha

Today, my wife gave me the green light to have sex with other women. She beat the cancer, but sex for her is now painful and she wasn't really interested in sex the last 10 years anyway. So why does my life suck? Because I don't want sex with anyone else. Now she's mad at me for making her feel guilty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 114

You deserved it 226

Threesome weirdness

By Anonymous - 08/10/2020 02:01

Today, my roommate informed me that I need to move out, due to me having sex with his boyfriend. Even though he gave us permission, and told us to use protection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 613

You deserved it 1 271

Get it on, bang a gong

By DrySpellcaster - 07/10/2020 16:57

Today, it’s been so long since I’ve had sex, even my wet dreams are about doing it solo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 235

You deserved it 244

Smelly Finger Nights

By Anonymous - 06/10/2020 17:02 - United States - Carmichael

Today, I learned that not only do I have bacterial vaginosis, but I ALSO have gonorrhea from a hookup. The only symptoms I'm having? Anal itching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 664

You deserved it 1 173

The other stage of grief

By Anonymous - 06/10/2020 05:03

Today, I found out the girl I’ve been seeing for a few weeks is freaky. At her grandad's funeral, she got so upset she had to leave the room, only to drag me into the priest's office for a quick blowjob. Apparently, death turns her on. I had oral sex at a funeral. I’m going to Hell for sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 371

You deserved it 626

Thin walls

By xtilltheendx - 05/10/2020 20:08 - United States

Today, I had to have an awkward conversation with my parents when they told me they were able to hear me and my boyfriend having sex at night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 559

You deserved it 1 447

Let it out

By Anonymous - 05/10/2020 14:02

Today, I know it’s pathetic to cry after sex, so you can imagine how pathetic I feel when I cry after masturbating, because cleaning my vibrator afterwards just reminds me how long it’s been since I had a man, and how lonely I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 358

You deserved it 1 561

Body shaming ain't cool

By grotesque sexy - 05/10/2020 02:02 - United States - Portland

Today, my boyfriend refused to have sex with me because I have ass acne. The reason I have ass acne is from working out to lose weight. I was trying to lose weight because he wouldn't have sex with me because I was too fat. I can't win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 139

You deserved it 568

Bye bye love

By Anonymous - 04/10/2020 14:01

Today, according to my emotionally distant boyfriend, stopping by a whorehouse on his way home several nights a week for a quick blowjob isn’t cheating, because it involves cash and no intimacy afterwards. Dumped his ass real quick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 938

You deserved it 206

Clean break

By Anonymous - 03/10/2020 20:01

Today, I simultaneously learned that fracturing your penis is a thing that can happen while my wife fractured mine in the middle of some rough reverse cowgirl. My penis is now black and blue with an almost 90 degree bend, and to make it worse the ambulance guys thought it was funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 581

You deserved it 290

Classic story

By Anonymous - 01/10/2020 05:01

Today, I found out my boyfriend of six years, with whom I wanted to spend my life with, has been cheating behind my back with my friend. The kicker? They met after I invited her to live with us to get away from her chaotic family, and I suspected she was emotionally stunted at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 373

You deserved it 215

Quiet down!

By grooveshark - 30/09/2020 20:01

Today, I could hear my parents having sex from the other end of my house. My mom set the stove on fire because she forgot she was cooking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 350

You deserved it 134

"I'm horny, horny horny horny"

By Anonymous - 29/09/2020 23:01

Today, I got incredibly horny at work. No one was in the office, so I spread out on my yoga mat and started to masturbate. All of the sudden, I heard a forklift outside. I quickly tried to hide, but I think the construction worker caught me. He’ll be working here all month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 3 260

Online shopping

By Anonymous - 29/09/2020 02:04 - Australia

Today, I was showing my mum how to use eBay. Unfortunately I didn't notice my recent purchase history was on display: a huge black dildo, a jockstrap, and a bong amongst them. Of course, she did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 527

You deserved it 1 529

What a wanker

By no action Jackson - 27/09/2020 20:02 - United States - Hesperia

Today, I walked in on my husband masturbating. I thought it was hot and asked if I could join in. He threw me a disgusted look and screamed that I’d ruined the whole mood. Now we’re both unsatisfied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 813

You deserved it 216

New skills

By Anonymous - 27/09/2020 08:03 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I lost my virginity. Today, I also learned how to fake an orgasm. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 130

You deserved it 1 226

Thanks, I hate it!

By Anonymous - 26/09/2020 14:02 - United States

Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me while I was at work. She did so by telling me she has a yeast infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 126

You deserved it 490

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I woke up to find my boyfriend watching me sleep. I asked him if he was staring at me because he was in love. He replied that it was because my farting wouldn't let him sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 799

You deserved it 13 986

Today, I farted at a crowded concert, and people started commenting on said fart. I specifically went out of my way to eat certain foods all day so that it wouldn't happen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 318

You deserved it 2 805

Today, my girlfriend complained that she always feels like shit, and that she's tried "everything" to feel better. Everything except eating regular healthy meals, exercising, sleeping regularly, drinking water, showering, and changing clothes daily, that is. I pointed this out, and she kicked me out in a rage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 302

Today, I found out the sole reason my son insisted on buying the house he did is because he was told on the grapevine that one of his new neighbours is a hot 20-something who never closes her curtains to undress at night. I raised a perverted idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 139

You deserved it 304

Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 729

You deserved it 5 763

Today, I learned that I can work out for over an hour a day, cut my daily calories by almost half, keep careful track of my diet, drink nothing but water, and not lose a pound. But I can sure as hell gain weight after one dinner at a buffet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 717

You deserved it 15 874