Spicy

Easy

By FootinMouth - 18/07/2013 21:48 - United States - Louisville

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend said she wanted to get a little crazy and try some role-play. "Act like you don't want it," she said. Without thinking, I replied, "Well, that should be easy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 495

You deserved it 54 708

By Anonymous - 18/07/2013 19:01 - Netherlands - Herkenbosch

Spicy

Today, I tried coming on to my fiancé. He just pushed me off and got out of bed, saying he wasn't in the mood. A half hour later, I caught him jerking off to several windows of porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 505

You deserved it 6 691

By Anonymous - 17/07/2013 20:27 - United States - Wales

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend guilted me into roleplaying as Justin Bieber before and during sex. I now feel physically ill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 205

You deserved it 24 251

Content warning

By fuck family - 17/07/2013 20:13 - Poland - Walbrzych

Spicy

Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my family. Over the next hour, a huge religious debate erupted, and my grandfather drunkenly told us all how he almost killed himself once while experimenting with auto-erotic asphyxiation. My boyfriend called us all crazy and seems to have dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 952

You deserved it 5 574

By ilivehere - 17/07/2013 14:20 - United States - Moline

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me at his parents' house. I was overjoyed. His mom hugged me with tears in her eyes. His father, who never really spoke before, hugged me a few hours later when we were alone, his hands traveling to my ass and whispering, "I can change your mind." FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 621

You deserved it 4 410

By needsnewshorts - 16/07/2013 01:42 - United States - San Clemente

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend was sitting on my lap at a birthday party. She thought it would be funny to fart. I came instantly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 568

You deserved it 23 691

By lilly1105 - 15/07/2013 13:19 - United States - Clemson

Spicy

Today, I placed a Bible app next to an app I use for porn, in the hope that it will encourage me to watch less porn. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 724

You deserved it 27 416

lilly1105 tells us more.

lilly1105 10

Monday 15 July 2013 23:47

Y'all made me laugh and rethink my **** watching, thanks!

By peniswoman - 14/07/2013 17:03 - United Kingdom - Paisley

Spicy

Today, my naked boyfriend walked up to me with my towel around his neck and with a hard-on, then declared he was "The Penis Man" and slapped me with his junk. I thought I was dating a man, not a man-child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 066

You deserved it 18 353

By mile high clubber - 14/07/2013 10:41 - United States - Bensalem

Spicy

Today, while on the airplane, the cute girl next to me and I instantly hit it off. When I excused myself to the bathroom, I must have given her the wrong impression. She wanted to join the mile high club; I just wanted to take a crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 195

You deserved it 13 698

Bobs and vagene!!

By fuck - 13/07/2013 17:22 - United Kingdom - Farnham

Spicy

Today, I was browsing porn in my room, when my dad barged in. I quickly switched to another tab, only to see it was parked on another porn page. I had another browser window open, so I switched to that. More porn. My dad said, "Riiiggghhhttt... You need help, son." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 513

You deserved it 59 947

By Anonymous - 12/07/2013 05:19 - United States

Spicy

Today, my 15-year-old daughter's pregnancy test came back positive. I wanted to know who the father is, so I could sit the two of them down to talk the situation through with them. She isn't sure if it's her best friend, or our neighbor's son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 112

You deserved it 12 248

By fucked up dad - 11/07/2013 19:50 - Romania - Bucharest

Spicy

Today, after I got turned down for yet another job, my dad glanced up at me and casually remarked that porn is always a stable market. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 473

You deserved it 6 656

By Anonymous - 11/07/2013 17:08 - United States - Fresno

Spicy

Today, I was eating a corndog, when my boyfriend jokingly told me to "take it deeper". I did, and ended up choking and throwing up all over the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 714

You deserved it 54 269

By Anonymous - 11/07/2013 14:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, my 13-year-old daughter and I went to a tropical themed restaurant. She wanted a strawberry Daiquiri, so I asked the waitress for a virgin strawberry Daiquiri. My daughter then said, "But dad, I'm not a virgin." FML

I agree, your life sucks 110 872

You deserved it 13 097

By embarrassed niece - 09/07/2013 16:15 - United States - Cumming

Spicy

Today, my aunt had the wonderful experience of hearing my boyfriend and I have a very "satisfying" encounter after we stupidly forgot to turn off the baby monitor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 846

You deserved it 50 176

Nice try

By realitybites - 08/07/2013 17:03 - United States - Brooklyn

Spicy

Today, while at the doctor's, a week overdue with my first child, I was told that sex and orgasms can sometimes help to induce labor. On the way home, my boyfriend asked for road head, arguing that "She said that stuff about orgasms." Not you, honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 171

You deserved it 7 339

By roseland - 07/07/2013 20:07 - United States - Hilton

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend nicknamed my vagina after a local waterpark. It wasn't even that annoying until his friends started asking me how much I charged to let people "ride n' slide". FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 183

You deserved it 6 228

By Anonymous - 07/07/2013 13:58 - United States - Wayne

Spicy

Today, not only do I work as a garbage man, but I had to pick up a used, bloody tampon that someone decided to throw on the ground rather than in a garbage can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 626

You deserved it 5 068

By SimG - 07/07/2013 12:35 - Canada - Cambridge

Spicy

Today, I was going to fight the guy who my girlfriend left me for. While waiting at the park, he sent me a video of the two of them having sex on my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 193

You deserved it 24 324

By nomorenakedpicsplease - 07/07/2013 05:21 - Canada - Leduc

Spicy

Today, I found out that my ex-girlfriend gives out my number to guys who ask for hers. Let's just say that I'll never be able to unsee the pictures that were sent to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 486

You deserved it 5 308

Sexy talk

By hamburger - 06/07/2013 21:21 - United States - Adrian

Spicy

Today, my husband wanted to try anal for the first time. His attempt to sound romantic was him saying, "Open your buns, the meat is ready." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 335

You deserved it 8 510

By BlueB - 06/07/2013 15:42 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized that I am such a Grammar Nazi that when a porn star says something grammatically-incorrect, I lose my boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 898

You deserved it 20 951

By The fuck, junior? - 05/07/2013 22:45 - Canada - Gatineau

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my 14-year-old son apparently practicing his oral sex skills on the crotch of one of his sister's Barbie dolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 121

You deserved it 5 406

By Anonymous - 05/07/2013 14:26 - United States - Chicago

Spicy

Today, I got home from work early and discovered why my 17-year-old daughter's sprained elbow isn't getting any better after weeks of treatment. She can't stop giving handjobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 477

You deserved it 8 746

Salad days

By ugh - 04/07/2013 18:28 - South Africa - Durban

Spicy

Today, as I was enjoying a nice fish salad, my father looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Ahh, salmon. The 'other' pink meat", then winked suggestively at my mother. I don't think I can ever eat fish again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 696

You deserved it 5 192

Disorderly conduct

By Never Going Back To The Doctor - 04/07/2013 07:03 - United States

Spicy

Today, at the doctor's, I had lots of papers to fill out so my boyfriend offered to help. We submitted them and the doctor called me a few minutes later. Under disorders my boyfriend had written, "Major cock craving disorder." The doctor couldn't stop giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 790

You deserved it 12 471

By OnPlanetVenus - 04/07/2013 04:41 - United States - Hallam

Spicy

Today, I discovered that when my husband agreed to donate sperm so an infertile friend and his wife could have children, there was nothing "artificial" about the insemination. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 561

You deserved it 6 160

By idk ask freud - 04/07/2013 04:11 - United States - Portland

Spicy

Today, I woke up from an extremely intense and pleasurable wet dream. This wouldn't have been bad, had it not been about Velveeta cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 778

You deserved it 9 919

By amanderpthepanda - 03/07/2013 17:21 - United States - Redmond

Spicy

Today, I woke up at my cousin's house after staying the night. I went into the bathroom like I usually do and shut the door. Apparently the door lock on this bathroom doesn't function properly. I discovered this when my 4-year-old cousin walked in on me putting a tampon in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 403

You deserved it 4 222

amanderpthepanda tells us more.

amanderpthepanda 19

Thursday 4 July 2013 8:25

I created this account to respond to some of your comments.. My cousin is a boy, and it was a very awkward explanation. I just told him that it's a girl thing and that he'll learn about it when he's older. I don't think it affected him that much. Also, #7, I enjoyed your comment the most.

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about our past relationships. He told me that he broke up with his last girlfriend because she was smart and he suited someone who was quite stupid. He then went on to say that I was perfect for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 594

You deserved it 6 749

Today, I discovered I have bed bugs. I have nowhere else to sleep and I won't be able to afford a new mattress for at least a year. I'd better get used to these giant welts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 329

You deserved it 5 350

Today, my parents got a call from my principal. I'd been lying that I couldn’t see the work I had to do in my online class, because I was behind and I needed to catch up. Tomorrow my parents are getting a call, telling them the dates I've been logged into the online learning. I haven’t logged in in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 236

You deserved it 2 610

Today, the button on my husband's pants popped for the 4th time. I already used the strongest thread and buttons. He's obviously put on some weight around the stomach, but he won't listen to reason and still blames me for my sewing, which is making his pants "turn against him". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 170

You deserved it 1 753

Today, my boyfriend borrowed my Jane Norman dress to wear to a Halloween party. He got hammered, threw up all over it, and fell unconscious on the shower floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 808

You deserved it 7 713

Today, I'm broke and just started working in a restaurant at a luxury hotel. On my first day, the director had told me to get rid of my blue dyed hair. Back at work with a new fresh 57€ cut and no blue in sight, he saw me. I have some blonde streaks in the back, and if I don't get rid of them within a week, I'm fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 318