Because you drive to his house to kill a spider

You're a bit of a dick OP. I have arachnophobia and I totally understand your son's reaction. It has nothing to do with being a wuss. It's irrational and would require a lot of therapy to be cure of it. I have absolutely no issue with any type of roaches, mice, snakes etc, but spiders create a deep fear in me. Even a picture of it makes me shiver and uncomfortable. I'm well aware that most spiders are completely harmless, I know also that they are useful insects, but I will get hysterical if a big one comes close to me. Try to be understanding and drop the "tough dude" act. Anyone can have a phobia, it has nothing to do with your testosterone level.

Probably by running to his rescue for every little thing instead of making him take care of himself. Believe me, if he didn't expect you to drop everything and run to take care of that spider, he'd have survived and probably figured a way ot of that situation.

At least he married a woman willing to take care of such things for him...

How? YOU DROVE 40 MILES TO SAVE YOUR SON FROM A SPIDER. That's how you raised "such a wuss" Imagine if you told him "Sorry hunny, you're a grown man now, you have a wife (and OMG, possibly kids?!) and can handle a little spider" You would have taught him how to survive the "ordeal" YDI for wondering HOW you raised such a wuss when you coddle him by driving 40 miles to help him just because he asked.

As a parent you should do everything you can for your child. IMO this was a personally reasonable request by your son as spiders are so frightening, I had one doing a tap dance in my front door step - a truly horrifying experience

You answered your own. You raised a wuss because you agreed to drive 40 miles to kill a spider for him. You enable the wussy in him.

Honestly, my husband is the same way. He can handle everything else, it won’t phase him, but spiders send him running. Your son sounds like he may actually need professional help.

How did you raise him to be like this? Ooh I know! Recovered severe phobic here, did a lot of reading on it and tried a lot of different strategies to fight it. Aside from the occasional trauma induced phobia (locked in a closet all weekend = calustrophobic) most phobias are caused by the person needing a vent for all the anxiety and other negative emotions that they repress because they can't deal with them directly. For me it was emotionally abusive parents who I was too young to flee, so my hatred & fear of them got redirected into a phobia. It isn't mentioned if this guy's arachnophobia started in adulthood though. If so maybe the stress that feeds it comes from something recent like military PTSD. Which is still kind of a sign the parent is hostile, otherwise the son would be able to talk those feelings through with the parent and heal. TL;DR If you're kid turned out phobic, likely that's 'cause you are an asshole to him.

And to all those saying it is "coddling" to go help: Step one in healing from an anxiety type mental illness is feeling safe & supported. Telling him he's on his own with this would only make it worse. And suicide is DEFINITELY on the table for severe phobias. A couple times I almost did it as the only escape from my phobic trigger. You want OP to leave his son to struggle alone with a serious panic attack? WTF is wrong with y'all? Mentally ill family members are not just garbage you throw in the dumpster and walk away from. If it were a migraine or a broken bone would you still suggest abandonment? Because I suspect the ugliness in this comments section is a big stinky pile of prejudice against mental illness. Helping a loved one who is suffering is just the right thing to do. And whether their suffering is physical or emotional should not affect the level of compassion.