Whispers

By SimpleSimon - 01/07/2009 00:14 - United Kingdom

Spicy
Today, I went to work leaving my girlfriend asleep in my bed. Later she calls me, demanding to know how long I've been cheating on her. We don't use condoms but she found several in the bin when she decided to empty it. I had to explain while my colleagues listened that I use them to masturbate. FML
I agree, your life sucks 47 370
You deserved it 19 765
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Top comments

Deeno15 0

i don't know one man/guy that doesn't **********

82 6
dyld921 2

Couldn't you just **** into tissue papers?

80 6

Comments

MrZach 0

Insecurity is being a pussy's ugly cousin. It's nbd dude.

0 4
maddog_fml 0

I don't get it. Why are you jacking off in a condom (haha), when you got a gf?? :/ I think you are cheating on you gf, dude. YDI

1 6
fantasyflamz 0

Dude, masturbating isn't cheating. I mean, I'm a girl and in a committed relationship, but I still ********** sometime because he's not there and I feel horny. It's not about the other person not "giving you what you need" or anything, it's just that they're not around. Of course, if you choose masturbation over sex, then you have a problem.

1 1
maddog_fml 0

Thanks for the info. I know jacking off isn't cheating, but ******* around with other girls IS!

2 5
thelonelylurker 0

You use a condom to ********** but don't use one for sex? I'm sensing another FML coming up in 9 months.

4 1
SimpleSimon 0

OK, for all those abusing me for not using a condom when having sex, get a grip. My girlfriend has an implant, and we were prepared to risk the enormously low failure rate in order to feel more intimate with eachother and generally enjoy sex more. It's not a crime. If she had become pregnant, we'd have managed. Don't be so quick to pass total strangers off as irresponsible and/or stupid. Second point, I don't see my girlfriend every day, that's why I **********. Third point, read what I already said about having the condoms left over. I'm not going out and buying them just to jerk off into, like some curious 12 year old with rabbit-like libido.

8 1
LadyCouture 0

this sounds like a LIE! why would you waste your money on condoms (they're expensive!!) when you are getting good ol regular sex??? hmmmmmm....

0 9
Zomlette 0

Look one post up. Reading comprehension.

1 0
djtelekinesis 0

...why use condoms to jack it? it makes it less pleasurable and gets lube all over your hands.

0 3
Brooklynxman 0

FYL: Having to explain that to your gf AND having to do it in front of people YDI: You don't use condems when you have sex with your gf, but you use them when you get off? wtf man? Its the OTHER way around

0 7