Today, I told my son that his grades are dropping and his behavior is getting out of hand. To which he replied, "Yeah, so is your weight." FML
Today, I woke up from a drunken one-night-stand. The person I slept with turned out to be heavily pregnant. She tried to convince me that I am the father and that I passed out for 7 months. FML
Today, my Mom felt the need to walk around school and tell everyone to be nice to me because I just started my period. FML
Today, I decided to bake chocolate wafers. I rolled the dark brown dough into a log, when my senile grandmother walked in. She saw it and started screaming that I was playing with shit, then threw a bottle at me. I had to throw the dough away because it was full of broken glass. FML
Today, my wife is blaming me for us having to abort our baby because the amnio showed it would have severe disabilities. I supported her every decision, but apparently me agreeing with her was actually me not wanting to fight harder for our baby to live, hence, it’s all my fault. FML
Today, while finally about to make love with my long-term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML
Today, I drank water from a random, half-full water bottle I found inside a bumper car (AKA dodgems) at the local fairground, thinking it was mine. It wasn't. FML
omg what a little smart ass!
BURRRRN some calories.