Intimacy: User manual - FML

User manual

By Drewzter - 11/01/2010 03:33 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out that pinching the tip of the condom before you roll it down to the base is NOT a suggestion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 967

You deserved it 26 517

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Same thing different taste

Life hacks

By Zibby - 11/02/2011 05:51

Spicy

Today, I found out that applying toothpaste to your penis to make it taste good for your girlfriend is not a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 491

You deserved it 80 913

Tiny Tim

By hmmmm - 13/08/2012 12:19 - Australia

Spicy

Today, the condom slipped off, because my boyfriend refuses to admit that he needs to use smaller condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 369

You deserved it 5 489

By StantheMan93 - 02/02/2015 23:59 - United States - Perrysburg

Spicy

Today, my wife's boyfriend learned that you can't flush condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 178

You deserved it 3 599

By O_o - 09/02/2014 00:42 - United States - Simi Valley

Spicy

Today, I had to explain to my husband why saving the condom from the first time we had sex is not romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 282

You deserved it 6 682

Work on your skills

By banana - 26/02/2009 03:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 936

You deserved it 74 597

Quickshot

By anon - 31/08/2014 15:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, while finally about to make love with my long-term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 453

You deserved it 6 045

By condom_kid - 27/07/2009 14:34 - United States

Spicy

Today, my father pulled me aside right before heading off to my girlfriend's house. He said "Next time you have sex, don't leave the tied up condom in its wrapper inside your short's pocket, otherwise your mother might find it again as she's folding laundry." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 422

You deserved it 73 618

By jasmine - 23/08/2019 04:00

Spicy

Today, I found out the hard way, that yes, a condom can break. Also, that sometimes when it does, your boyfriend won't say anything until you start having morning sickness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 709

You deserved it 403

By FANZZY - 18/08/2014 16:29 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I learned that when someone is choking you don't do the "hymen maneuver", you do the "heimlich maneuver". I was corrected by my girlfriend's parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 273

You deserved it 16 315

Bruh…

By ... - 06/06/2011 07:44 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that fist pumping during sex is not romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 796

You deserved it 6 720

Next

Top comments

FD929 0

Monday 11 January 2010 10:05

Congrats on your future child. I hope you make enough at Burger King to afford it.

yukonesian 0

Thursday 8 July 2010 7:15

you should have said 'condom sense' ah boom cha!!

Comments

smamlatina 4

Wednesday 27 April 2011 17:59

ur suppose to leave room so when u arrive theresxroom for it n it doesnt pop duh y dont u learn about sex before u get in bed???

mba1256 0

Tuesday 7 June 2011 5:31

double wrap ftw?

kizz92 0

Sunday 26 June 2011 5:15

Awwhhh poor Hun

ThisRandomChild 0

Saturday 13 August 2011 0:16

Sssss, OW, i'm a chick and I even have sympathy pain

cburke9 7

Friday 28 October 2011 20:37

how old are u? seriously

shanniemac 2

Monday 28 November 2011 2:30

Dumbass

tdc0129 0

Wednesday 21 December 2011 11:38

Actually, it's in the instructions to do so...you just did it wrong.

devilsnitemare9 8

Tuesday 31 January 2012 20:24

A baby isn't all bad

samiluvsyew00 4

Wednesday 27 June 2012 1:11

Noob.

AmberAusgeflippt 13

Wednesday 14 May 2014 22:57

....yes it is.

DiabolusIgnis 15

Sunday 7 February 2016 0:42

More of a requirement than a suggestion for the condom to actually work, is what the OP probably meant. If you don't do it, the risk of the condom breaking increase greatly, which is what I suspect happened.

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The Top

The Top

Today, I went skinny-dipping with my best friend. We were on the beach and it was fairly crowded but we got in the water at this really secluded area. While we were swimming I looked up to see a homeless man wearing my clothes, walking away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 040

You deserved it 32 541

Today, I found out my 15 year-old daughter is sexually active. I found out by finding her in our bedroom with a boy from her class, using one of our condoms. Her dad hasn’t spoken or moved from the kitchen table in over 30 minutes. I think he’s so mad his brain glitched and got stuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 366

You deserved it 246

Today, I went to the ER because of an intensely heavy flow. They kept me waiting so long that, although I was wearing a super absorbent tampon and a pad, I still bled through three times. When I was finally seen, the doctor said, "Try using a higher absorbency and follow up with your regular physician." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 182

You deserved it 197

Today, HR informed me that they would not be investigating my formal complaint against my boss. This after four months of relentless bullying, including calling me while I was on vacation to tell me to do work, and eliminating my position when she found out I had gone to HR. FML

I agree, your life sucks 491

You deserved it 73

Today, I caught my boyfriend drunkenly pissing out the window. Apparently, I should be happy he pissed out the window instead of just wetting the bed. When I suggested he drink less, he got furious and yelled that I might be a lesbian, since I apparently want him to be a "pansy girly bitch boy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 403

You deserved it 84

Today, I check my phone regularly for calls or texts from her. I take her out to eat frequently, and we sleep in the same bed sometimes. Today I realized the closest thing I have to a boyfriend is my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 793

You deserved it 7 236