This is a Nearly FML. It’s an FML, nearly. It got positive votes from the users, by wasn’t approved by our team.

By Anonymous - 09/04/2016 09:46

Today, while hiking alone for the first time, I had to take a leak. I ended up wiping with what turned out to be a poison ivy leaf. FML
I agree, your life sucks 13 204
You deserved it 7 111
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Top comments

Tripartita 44

This FML was brought to you by Kleenex Go Packs. Kleenex Go Packs: hiking and having an itch-free crotch are no longer mutually exclusive!

167 4
born_hustla 26

Aww damn...I'm curious how that turned out. As gross as you may think it is to not wipe after peeing, it's better not too when you don't have clean tissue available.

116 2

Comments

Mathalamus 24

you went hiking without knowing what poison ivy looked like? it seems like basic stuff to know.

14 6
RageWolf16 31

Don't hike alone. Outdoor adventuring 101.

6 3
mds9986 24

Hiking alone is fine. Just tell somebody where you're going and when you plan to be back.

3 0
andrmac 25

I hike alone. You tell someone if you don't hear from me by this time on this day this is who you should call and this is where I should be.

1 0
GhostFox 33

To add to the 'hiking alone' safety comment train- tell one (or more) people where you plan on being, the trail you are taking, what time you should be back, and what to do if you aren't. And if you tell them you will be in a certain area DON'T leave that area or decide to take a different trail.

0 0
guesswhatlifesux 14

Haven't you ever heard "leaves of three, leave them be?"

7 2
Xamry14 10

How do you not know what poison ivy looks like? That's something you probably need to know before you hike. Also learn what poison oak and sumac look like.

4 2
foxpug 24

The most common reason to wipe, if you're a guy, is because you just pooped. Not wiping would lead to soiled clothing and an irritated, itchy and sore butthole. Poison ivy, however, would lead to all of the aforementioned symptoms without smearing skidmarks on your bottoms.

9 2
tzemmy 25

#20, except they said take a LEAK, implying that's they were peeing, not pooping

4 1
christge1beast 17

Because good hygiene isn't only for some people. It doesn't matter what gender you are, if you use the restroom (or do your business anywhere as read in the FML), you should wipe/clean yourself. Even in the men's restroom, I see guys use the urinal and then walk away. Personally, I have to wipe. It's just good hygiene.

4 1
foxpug 24

Yeah, but the OP specified no gender, and #42 specified no direction to their question. I was merely taking a stab at pedantic humor, but someone had to go and poke a hole in it... tsk tsk *finger wag* This is why we can't have nice things! *storms off*

0 0
cantfixme36 28

If an FML has an unspecified gender and you're assuming that they're one gender that makes the FML not make sense..... Maybe figure they're the other gender. What I'm trying to say is why would you assume OP's a guy? Why not assume OP's a girl since they did wipe after peeing.

1 0
flyingflies 36

I don't understand why you didn't bring something to wipe with, like tissues - also good for runny noses and wiping sweat and dirt. I know that you should carry only what is absolutely necessary, but this seems like it fits the criteria.

14 0
ssnow_fml 20

That's why you should always check what plants and animals are native to the area you will be hiking before you go.

3 0
Winterborn253 7

I feel ya, OP. Last time I took a leak in the woods I got a tick on my dick. Nature sucks sometimes.

8 0
holly_fly 34

Literally if we're talking about ticks ?

8 0
RoseLich 17

Should've looked at what you might encounter on a hike alone. Poison ivy and its family come in over a dozen forms, from "leaves of three" to hairy vines, to toilet paper sized plants.

2 0