Animals: Today, my wife told me she had a surprise for me when I came...

By dwood08 - 07/11/2014 01:55 - United States - New York

Today, my wife told me she had a surprise for me when I came home. Surprise to me means sex, not a new puppy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 039

You deserved it 15 941

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Same thing different taste

By Galaxy - 29/03/2014 17:03 - Belgium - Guigoven

Today, my girlfriend texted me, telling me to come home quickly, because she had a "surprise" waiting for me. I convinced my boss to let me go home, and rushed out. Turns out the "surprise" was just that she'd bought herself a pet bunny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 514

You deserved it 7 320

Happy?

By SURPRISE - 10/06/2009 00:13 - Canada

Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday. To surprise her, I told her that I was going away on business, and could not be there on her birthday. When I show up at her house to surprise her with a present and cake, she opens the door in her underwear, beside a man in his boxers. She was surprised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 717

You deserved it 6 836

By Screwed - 07/08/2009 23:35 - Canada

Today, I decided to surprise my husband by bringing home a case of beer and renting us a porno. He decided to surprise me by telling me he was leaving me for his pregnant girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 238

You deserved it 4 350

By Anonymous - 03/05/2016 21:47 - United States - Eugene

Today, I got off work early to go home and surprise my girlfriend with lunch, only to come home to her in the middle of packing up all of her stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 955

You deserved it 1 289

Plot twist

By Anonymous - 20/09/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, I surprised my boyfriend with lunch at work. He surprised me too, when I caught him making out with one of his coworkers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 586

You deserved it 76

By Ruinedchristmas - 28/11/2014 18:07 - United States - Wrightsville

Today, I came home after doing some Black Friday shopping for Christmas presents. I told my husband I got the must-have toy our daughter has been dying for. As soon as I said it, I heard squealing and turned around to see her standing right behind me. There goes the surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 598

You deserved it 13 931

Romance mystery

By Anonymous - 03/11/2025 15:00

Today, I bought my wife chocolates and a rose. When she got home, I told her I had a surprise but then I couldn’t find the chocolates or the rose anywhere in this frigging house, they were just gone. I had to pretend the surprise was going out for dinner but still, where the fuck did the rose go? FML

I agree, your life sucks 366

You deserved it 132

Sweep it under the rug

By Anonymous - 12/08/2024 00:00 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend told me she was coming over for a surprise visit. I quickly tidied up, but not before shoving all my dirty laundry under the bed. When she arrived, she brought her dog in. Her dog immediately sniffed out the laundry and dragged my most embarrassing underwear into the living room while her parents watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 187

You deserved it 512

Heavy sleeper

By good_aim - 27/07/2013 08:03 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I returned from a long business trip a day early to surprise my wife. She was sleeping, so I climbed into bed and started spooning her. Thinking I was an intruder, she simultaneously kicked me in the groin, elbowed me in the ribs, and smacked the back of her head into my jaw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 318

You deserved it 26 930

Hey sexy…

By syn1734 - 16/10/2009 17:33 - United States

Today, my girlfriend called me and told me she "had a surprise for me when I got home" in a sexy voice. So I hurried home, only to find a note saying she left me and took my dog. Deeply depressed, I went into the living room. She took my TV also. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 196

You deserved it 3 452

am_bugg 20

Friday 7 November 2014 12:21

Hmmm sex or a new puppy is equally as satisfying in my opinion.

ladoom 23

Friday 7 November 2014 12:24

Who complains about getting a puppy?

Comments

joshi42 16

Saturday 8 November 2014 11:41

FYL if sex is a surprise for you...

VivaB 9

Saturday 8 November 2014 11:44

Oh come on - it's still a good surprise, don't be that one track guy

icandothecancan 24

Saturday 8 November 2014 15:05

I vote you two celebrate the the new puppy being brought into the home by having sex! Win win. :D

sylverdrag_fml 9

Saturday 8 November 2014 16:17

Hmm, so you are a cat person?

PrinceOfBritain 20

Saturday 8 November 2014 19:23

Are you complaining about receiving a puppy...?

Zebediabolical 40

Saturday 8 November 2014 20:31

Surprise her with anal.

luvbug543210 1

Saturday 8 November 2014 23:18

Don't complain you got a puppy!

LifeAsJeremiah 10

Saturday 8 November 2014 23:50

Why not both?

pollymo14 13

Saturday 8 November 2014 23:55

Oh c'mon, puppies are the best!!! ?

Nerdgurl86 18

Sunday 9 November 2014 0:12

I would have preferred sex as well. At least that makes a fun kind of mess.

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend, for our first time having sex, wanted to do stepbrother roleplay. Not only is that odd for our first time, it’s a weird fetish to have, especially when she actually does have a stepbrother. We ended up not finishing having sex, it was too weird for me FML

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Today, while stuck in a traffic jam, my son silently changed my gear to reverse. FML

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Another wonderful FML video created by the not-so-wonderful Louis.

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Today, a friend asked me to help him get rid of a girl who would't stop texting him. It worked perfectly. Now she's texting me nonstop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 958

You deserved it 3 444

Today, my boyfriend and I were setting up a desktop PC we'd bought second-hand. In the middle of this, he stopped, frowning, sniffed the air a few times and said we'd better give it a good dust, because it smelt like burning. I'd just farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 426

You deserved it 913

Today, I went to visit some family out of state for my niece's birthday. I couldn't think of what to get an 8-year-old so I got her a Barbie doll. Everyone else got her money, iPods, game consoles, etc. When she got to mine she asked "how do I turn it on?" Then threw it away when she couldn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 402

You deserved it 5 252