Love Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to give me a naked... - FML

bootyislife - 03/02/2015 04:36 - United States - Seattle

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to give me a naked massage. She straddled my back and started rubbing, then she sneezed and peed on me. FML

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Carnival of Disasters
Dive into carnival, where hilarious costumes meet unexpected mishaps. Laughter is guaranteed, mask or no mask! …

spitty - 14/04/2015 21:50 - United States - Willoughby

Today, I got a massage. Just as I was starting to relax, the massage therapist drooled on my face. FML

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WorstMedicalBill - 20/11/2009 14:53 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when I realized I had to sneeze. Not wanting to sneeze on her, I tried my hardest to hold it in. When I climaxed, I couldn't hold it in any more and sneezed all over her face. FML

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You coming?

snotface - 23/04/2009 19:47 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She started panting harder and going, "AH, AH, AH..." and I thought she was about to come. Next thing I know, there's snot splattered all over my face and neck. Turns out it was a sneeze. FML

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Walter - 24/10/2015 03:17 - Spain

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting heated. I kissed her on the neck, chest, stomach, and threw up as I kissed between her legs. FML

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Nice outing

Anonymous - 07/12/2019 05:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML

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That'll do it

Zippyzoo - 03/02/2009 22:16 - United States

Today, when my boyfriend was about to orgasm, I suddenly sneezed all over his face. FML

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ThisIsMyLife - 04/06/2017 04:00

Today, while naked, my fiancée said there was something wrong with her butt. She turned around and I leaned in to look at it. She then farted in my face. On purpose. FML

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We all do it. Don't we?

Anonymous - 30/08/2010 07:30 - United States

Today, I saw my girlfriend scratch her crotch and then sniff her fingers. FML

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Hott

hotheadslav - 21/06/2015 01:59 - United States - Warsaw

Today, I was on a date with a girl and everything was going great. As I took her back to her house and walked her to her door, I leaned in for a kiss. She seemed to really enjoy it, so I went for another but as I leaned in again, I sneezed uncontrollably, shooting her face with saliva and snot. FML

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The sensual world

Anonymous - 22/10/2011 21:51 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I were both at home, sick. We decided to make the best of it and spent the day in bed together. Things got a little steamy, and we started making out. As I started kissing her neck, I got nauseous. Before I could pull away, I threw up all over her. FML

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Devindelon 17

Tuesday 3 February 2015 14:50

So, I'm guessing there was no need for oil.

icedexplosion 19

Tuesday 3 February 2015 14:48

Was it sexy?

jerryj 27

Tuesday 3 February 2015 14:54

You sound quite ungrateful, OP.

Nilorak 24

Tuesday 3 February 2015 17:25

Why would he be grateful for it?

meli1195 31

Tuesday 3 February 2015 17:29

because he has a gf that gives him sexy time

ProfessorMctitie 20

Tuesday 3 February 2015 20:01

your definition of sexy time is getting pee'd on?

ProgMetalMan 8

Tuesday 3 February 2015 20:32

Yours isn't?

ProfessorMctitie 20

Tuesday 3 February 2015 21:59

Ew No thats disgusting! Minea for like 2 girls 1 cup style

Soundslikeothers 15

Tuesday 3 February 2015 14:55

Consider yourself a lucky man some places charge a lot of money for those extra services.

DrCheese 16

Tuesday 3 February 2015 14:59

Nothing sexier than a golden shower on the back... Haha

stieglar 17

Tuesday 3 February 2015 14:59

I mean hey if you're into that XD

bsums203 13

Tuesday 3 February 2015 15:00

You must of been pissed.

Nilorak 24

Tuesday 3 February 2015 15:25

have been*

Jinxsie 27

Tuesday 3 February 2015 22:23

So close...

Darkness_Hate 29

Tuesday 3 February 2015 15:02

No lube needed!

AverageJoey 18

Tuesday 3 February 2015 15:05

Sounds Kinky

B1ackthesun 31

Tuesday 3 February 2015 15:05

Maybe she should consider pelvic floor exercises.

Hummmph 8

Wednesday 4 February 2015 9:53

Kegels don't always work for the sneak sneeze...

guiltnazan 23

Tuesday 3 February 2015 15:07

Wait, there's a bad side to this?

albertozeta_fml 9

Tuesday 3 February 2015 15:13

Are you 100% sure that it was involuntary?

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my girlfriend was in the midst of giving me head when she got lockjaw. My dick was stuck inside her mouth as she bit down on it for over an hour. FML

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Today, my boyfriend knocked over a shelf in a store, making a huge racket and mess. He apologized profusely and helped the store clerk put the shelf back up like a normal person. I can't even bump into someone and apologize without freezing up and replaying it in my head for days. FML

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Today, my wife screamed at me, calling me a "useless, ungrateful piece of crap", all because I wouldn't have sex with her, despite hours of her nagging. I said no because I've been laid-up in bed for the past week waiting on surgery for an excruciatingly painful hernia. FML

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Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home, he was masturbating. FML

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Today, I found out that I have a bacteria causing me to smell bad. For the last three years, strangers would say that I stink, I thought it was because I'm a smoker and they could smell cigarettes from my clothes, only to find out that people could smell my vagina through my pants. FML

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Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. He married someone, and got another girl pregnant. We were together for 8 years. FML

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