Love: Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to give me a naked... - FML

By bootyislife - 03/02/2015 04:36 - United States - Seattle

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to give me a naked massage. She straddled my back and started rubbing, then she sneezed and peed on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 295

You deserved it 4 994

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Same thing different taste

By spitty - 14/04/2015 21:50 - United States - Willoughby

Today, I got a massage. Just as I was starting to relax, the massage therapist drooled on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 533

You deserved it 2 190

By WorstMedicalBill - 20/11/2009 14:53 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when I realized I had to sneeze. Not wanting to sneeze on her, I tried my hardest to hold it in. When I climaxed, I couldn't hold it in any more and sneezed all over her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 205

You deserved it 21 882

You coming?

By snotface - 23/04/2009 19:47 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She started panting harder and going, "AH, AH, AH..." and I thought she was about to come. Next thing I know, there's snot splattered all over my face and neck. Turns out it was a sneeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 826

You deserved it 8 872

By Walter - 24/10/2015 03:17 - Spain

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting heated. I kissed her on the neck, chest, stomach, and threw up as I kissed between her legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 170

You deserved it 6 262

Nice outing

By Anonymous - 07/12/2019 05:00 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 469

You deserved it 785

That'll do it

By Zippyzoo - 03/02/2009 22:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, when my boyfriend was about to orgasm, I suddenly sneezed all over his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 365

You deserved it 9 141

By ThisIsMyLife - 04/06/2017 04:00

Today, while naked, my fiancée said there was something wrong with her butt. She turned around and I leaned in to look at it. She then farted in my face. On purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 598

You deserved it 1 636

We all do it. Don't we?

By Anonymous - 30/08/2010 07:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I saw my girlfriend scratch her crotch and then sniff her fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 084

You deserved it 13 771

Hott

By hotheadslav - 21/06/2015 01:59 - United States - Warsaw

Today, I was on a date with a girl and everything was going great. As I took her back to her house and walked her to her door, I leaned in for a kiss. She seemed to really enjoy it, so I went for another but as I leaned in again, I sneezed uncontrollably, shooting her face with saliva and snot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 942

You deserved it 4 509

The sensual world

By Anonymous - 22/10/2011 21:51 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were both at home, sick. We decided to make the best of it and spent the day in bed together. Things got a little steamy, and we started making out. As I started kissing her neck, I got nauseous. Before I could pull away, I threw up all over her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 483

You deserved it 18 136

Next

Top comments

Devindelon 17

Tuesday 3 February 2015 14:50

So, I'm guessing there was no need for oil.

icedexplosion 19

Tuesday 3 February 2015 14:48

Was it sexy?

Comments

clairesucks 37

Wednesday 4 February 2015 2:10

Maybe don't bring it up. She's probable mortified. I'm sure it wasn't intentional

clairesucks 37

Wednesday 4 February 2015 2:21

Probably* sorry

Joestarry 8

Wednesday 4 February 2015 2:17

why the hell would you complain that's hot as shit

warriorhorse7025 4

Wednesday 4 February 2015 3:30

Sounds like she may want some kinky foreplay

mellib381 15

Wednesday 4 February 2015 3:39

Why is this on here!?! That isn't even THAT bad...

whyme125 3

Wednesday 4 February 2015 3:56

That's actually hilarious

TrollSquirrel 7

Wednesday 4 February 2015 4:01

I bet you were pissed

mjg1416 10

Wednesday 4 February 2015 4:59

What a spontaneous partner you have (:

mmazzaa 16

Wednesday 4 February 2015 5:03

Did you say "bless you " Atleast ?

FaithCulver 9

Wednesday 4 February 2015 5:05

Hey man? it happens

Randen_FML95 9

Wednesday 4 February 2015 5:45

This is my first time using this website and everyone uses puns in a fml story

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Today, I discovered my fiancé has been telling everyone else we are just friends, yet last night he wanted me to go with him to pick up my engagement ring. I'm supposing the wedding will be a surprise to everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 060

You deserved it 3 563

Today, I got back from vacation and walked in on my boyfriend and my brother in my bed. FML

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You deserved it 287

Today, my daughter and her "friend" kept using crude euphemisms right in front of me, thinking I was too old or too stupid to figure out what they meant. I nearly had an aneurysm when she told him he could put his "pencil" in her "sharpener" next time they studied together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 197

You deserved it 2 615

Today, I was shopping, and tried on a skirt that was a size smaller than usual, thinking that I would fit in. Not only did it not fit, neither I nor the sales assistant could get it off me, because the zip got stuck. She had to cut me out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 519

You deserved it 29 488

Today, I started a new job. I also started my period, and have the shits. FML

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You deserved it 118

Today, I finally received my passport. Too bad my flight to Italy left last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 053

You deserved it 7 884