Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend's dad asked me if I wanted to drive his... - FML

By Anonymous - 24/05/2009 12:43 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend's dad asked me if I wanted to drive his 2008 Jaguar XKR. Excitedly, I agreed. He then spent the next hour discussing with me how masturbation is a great alternative to sex, and a great way to remain abstinent. I didn't get to drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 060

You deserved it 4 870

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

TMI, dude

By linren - 28/03/2009 18:40 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was riding in the car with my new boyfriend. He had "something serious" to tell me. He started to emotionally confess his addiction to masturbation. In detail. The drive was two hours long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94 336

You deserved it 7 654

Timing is important

By effingdoucher - 30/01/2011 06:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with a guy I met at my friend's party. He stopped mid-thrust, climbed off, and started talking about how nervous he is about buying his first car next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 879

You deserved it 11 038

Never trust the messenger

By Teamarie - 11/08/2009 15:21 - United States

Spicy

Today, as I was driving my dad home, I got a text message. My dad, who doesn't want me texting while I'm driving, decided to read the text message to me. He began to repeat a message from my boyfriend recounting the amazing sex we had the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 168

You deserved it 21 006

By anon. - 03/01/2011 11:37 - New Zealand

Today, I went for a drive with my boyfriend and his dad. His dad was kind enough to point out at every opportunity girls "that would be better for him than me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 517

You deserved it 3 090

Not worth it

By Anonymous - 26/02/2025 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, and for all my life, my dad has been feral about protecting his BMW; we weren’t even allowed to look at it. Well today he decided I was allowed to drive it as an 18th birthday present. I was so nervous, I hyperventilated and passed out in the seat before I even put the key in the ignition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 403

You deserved it 165

Teenage PDA warning

By Bali_Boil - 16/01/2010 00:44 - United States

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend at her house, and her dad saw us. She decided that she didn't feel like riding along when it was time for her dad to drive me home, and went to bed. I, on the other hand, got to have a 15-minute conversation about the merits of "physical boundaries." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 706

You deserved it 6 828

Stop talking, stop talking now

By Anonymous - 14/06/2012 15:49 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went out of town with my mother-in-law. I don't know what possessed her to start questioning me about her son's and my sex life. When I told her I wasn't talking about that, she began to discuss her and my father-in-law's bedroom habits. The car ride was two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 172

You deserved it 2 680

By orgasmicriding - 22/12/2012 22:55 - United States - Wyandotte

Spicy

Today, because my boyfriend drives a 2-seated sports car, I had to awkwardly sit on his brother's lap as we drove to the store. I soon felt a poking sensation through his pants, just a few minutes before we hit a bumpy road. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 286

You deserved it 7 014

Creepy but funny

By Anonymous - 01/06/2012 20:46 - Greece - Athens

Spicy

Today, I took my girlfriend to a family dinner so she could meet my parents. Over the dinner, she asked my dad what's he's been up to since he retired. He replied, "Recreational gynecology, my dear" and gave her a weird wink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 876

You deserved it 3 112

Get on with it

By deflated - 09/08/2009 16:54 - Ireland

Spicy

Today, as my girlfriend was dropping me home, our goodbye kiss got kind of heavy. Still parked in my drive, we had fast, frenzied sex. After, we realised that she had never put the hand brake on and that we had rolled down my drive, blocking my dad who was patiently waiting to pull in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 837

You deserved it 59 847

Next

Top comments

sawdy 0

Sunday 24 May 2009 20:07

You don't get to drive, he doesn't get to keep his daughter a virgin... seems simple enough

Scott_George 0

Sunday 24 May 2009 20:07

that has always been my greatest nightmare...

Comments

ILoveMyLifeSoMuc 0

Monday 15 February 2010 15:58

damn!!! jaguar xkr?!?!?! 

bamafan79 3

Wednesday 23 June 2010 7:40

sucks shit 4 u

toyota4life94 6

Friday 2 December 2011 6:18

Good, it's a German car and they tend to be unreliable and break down a lot. I would know, I used to work on them.

luna2495 0

Monday 4 June 2012 17:23

That teaches u not to ride wit ur gf's dad but u kinda deserved it

mowmowlife 21

Monday 16 July 2012 0:50

Invested in his daughter. You treat them carefully, now.

omart3 6

Thursday 25 October 2012 4:50

This is the exact opposite of "SEX .... now that i got your attention ..."

drayloon 50

Sunday 23 June 2013 8:39

"It's a trap!" Correction, it's a fap

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, my boyfriend told me that his best friend of 10 years is giving him the silent treatment because he told her he's in a relationship. He's become a depressed wreck. When I asked him if he's secretly in love with her or something, he flipped a table over and told me to, "mind my own fucking business." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 781

You deserved it 181

Today, my boyfriend invited me to swim at his house. I'm very obese, so I had some reservations about it, but he assured me it'd be alright. Instead, the whole time I was treated to his mother commenting on my weight umpteen times, and his brother calling me "Moby Dick" and throwing pool noodles at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 936

You deserved it 371

Today, due to a change in our internal system, I set up an email filter at work that sent all incoming messages to spam. My boss had been sending me urgent updates all day, and I only realized when she came over and asked why I’d “gone radio silent.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 116

You deserved it 401

Today, in history class, we were talking about Ancient Rome, and what childbirth would have been like back then. One girl asked in all seriousness why they didn't use ultrasound machines to see what sex their babies were. I have to deal with people like this on a daily basis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 017

You deserved it 2 159

Today, my mother-in-law took a phone message on the back of my marriage license. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 797

You deserved it 293

Today, I switched from pads to tampons. It took me several botched attempts trying insert one before I succeeded, and now I feel like I've just raped myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 623

You deserved it 13 862