Today, my drunk mother repeatedly tried to lick me, because I... - FML

This is a Nearly FML. It’s an FML, nearly. It got positive votes from the users, by wasn’t approved by our team.

By Not a cat - 09/01/2018 16:19 - United States - Tampa

Today, my drunk mother repeatedly tried to lick me, because I "Looked dirty". This is the closest thing I've had to sex in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 15

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Top comments

Akitakat 31

Thursday 11 January 2018 14:47

Just No! You do not mention sex & your mom in the same sentence.

Comments

Akitakat 31

Thursday 11 January 2018 14:47

Just No! You do not mention sex & your mom in the same sentence.

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous My ex Stalker Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I were in our room getting hot and heavy. As he was entering me, he started making electronic whirring sounds. Once inside, he said in a robotic voice, "Initiating launch sequence in 3... 2... 1..." and began thrusting as fast as possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 751

You deserved it 9 569

Today, my mother walked in on me and my boyfriend having sex. Afterwards, she informed me I would look a lot hotter if I smiled more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 847

You deserved it 8 980

Today, my mother flipped out that I spent $20 on a gift for myself for my birthday. Instead of getting a gift for me, she spent $300 on a new vacuum cleaner, and claims that we didn't have enough left in our budget to spend on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 017

You deserved it 132

Today, I was brushing my teeth when I looked up. There was a huge scorpion dangling on the air vent above my head. I was trapped in the bathroom for over an hour trying to build the courage to run out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 406

You deserved it 6 584

Today, my sister finally broke down and told me that our dad gambled away of all my college savings, and I would have to pay for school the best way I can. They have known for months, and when I asked why nobody told me, the reply was, "You're a college boy, we thought you would figure it out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 625

You deserved it 2 452

Today, I got a fantastic job offer at a nuclear power plant. My girlfriend seemed really shocked and upset when I told her. Apparently, working there will make me radioactive, and our children will be mutants. I don't know where to begin with this one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 648

You deserved it 141