Health: Today, I went to the doctor to check the dark growth I just discovered...

There is this new type of cleansing bar, its called soap. No seriously, just use it with a bit of water and it gets rid of that gym-sock stench under your arms. Quite revolutionary, I must say.

Youd_laugh_2 0

Monday 14 December 2009 23:52

If you can't find the shower how could you find the doctor?

quackquackquac 0

Tuesday 15 December 2009 0:07

I saw this in Mad magazine (i don't really know what it's called... i just randomly picked it up at the library.)

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Today, my wife is experiencing feral pregnancy cravings. She is craving some sort of cookie that she used to eat as a child. That particular cookie company went out of business 20 years ago, so my wife is growling at me like I was personally responsible for them shutting down. FML

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Today, I overheard coworkers talking about someone showing up with lettuce or something in their teeth. I laughed and joked it “could never be me.” Later, in the bathroom mirror, I discovered I’d had the same exact green blob stuck between my front teeth for hours. FML

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Today, a kid pulled down my shorts while I was ordering at McDonald's. In my haste to pull them back up, I hit my head on the counter and was knocked out cold. I woke up on the floor, my shorts still around my knees, in a puddle of my own urine. I had peed myself while unconscious. FML

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Today, the professionally-installed sex swing ceiling mount my husband insisted on, but never lasted long enough to make use of, was converted into a baby suspension swing for our toddler. He was right about it, but I still can’t admit it. FML

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Today, I was having sex with a girl. Things were getting pretty hot, so I decided to smack her butt. I missed. I smacked my balls instead. Real hard. FML

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Today, during an important music audition, I fudged everything up and forgot half the lyrics of the song I was performing, so I just sort of tailed off into embarrassed silence on stage. It was an original song, I wrote the lyrics myself. All the lady could say was, "Good luck next year, dear." FML

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